


Girl With A Plan?

by Roz247



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV), The 100 (TV)
Genre: AU, Adventure, Alternate Universe, Angst, Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Canon Universe, Clexa, Confusion, Drama, F/F, F/M, Hawaii, Lesbian Sex, Multi, One True Pairing, Pictures, Romance, Sex, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Smut, clexa au, clexa fandom - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2018-12-02 13:48:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 63,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11510697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roz247/pseuds/Roz247
Summary: Clarke Griffin has always been a Girl with a Plan. But when the Plan goes belly up, she’s forced to reconsider.After accidently answering her flatmate Echo's phone, she decides that since being Clarke isn’t going so well, she might try being Echo. With nothing left to lose, she accepts Echo's photography assignment to Hawaii – she used to be an amateur snapper, how hard can it be? Right?But Clarke is soon in big trouble. And Lexa the gorgeous journalist on the shoot with her, who is making it very clear she’d like to get into her pants, isn't exactly making things easy. Far from home and in someone else’s shoes, Clarke must decide whether to fight on through, or ‘fess up and run…





	1. Girl with a Plan?

It is a little known fact, but when you combine jetlag, and stomach churning terror, its quite possible to sleep through an entire day. When i eventually woke up, the sun was already starting to dip below the horizon. The sky was a soft pale blue painted with broad strokes of pink and orange, a world away from the cloudy grey sunset i'd watched over the duck pond just two days before.

It was already almost 7pm which gave me just under an hour to get myself together for dinner. My first real test. This was the craziest thing i'd ever done.

"All i need to remember is that my names Echo" I told the slightly concerned face I saw reflected in the dressing-table mirror as i applied my make up.

At five minutes to eight, i picked my way up the torch lit path to the main house practicing some very steady breathing and rehearsing my key notes in my head. This was just a pitch like any other - I was selling a campaign like i did everyday. Except today i was the campaign and Jaha was the client. How hard could it be?.

I pulled my hair back into a fishtail braid and i'd chosen a yellow shift summer dress with leather flip flops from my brand new borrowed wardrobe. I had no idea how fancy dinner would be but i felt elegant and classy. All i was going to do was show up, eat dinner, be polite and ask lots of questions without drawing attention to myself.

Anya was waiting for me with a glass of champagne on arrival. "Miss Echo" she handed me the glass. "You look delightful"

"Echo. Please just Echo is fine" I said, proud with myself that i didnt cock up and tell her to call me Clarke.

Behind the host i saw a table set for someone dressed way more fancy than me, but i refused to be defeated.

"Mr Jaha wishes me to pass on his apologies. He wont be able to make dinner this evening, but he has asked that you please stay and eat. The first course will be out shortly."

Necking the champagne, i nodded and followed Anya to the table, equal parts relieved and annoyed. But it was hard to be too upset with a glass of champagne in my hand and a soft Hawaiian breeze blowing around my bare legs.

"Miss Woods is just inside" Anya said refilling my glass. "Dinner will be served in a few moments."

"Miss Woods?"

"Yes, the lady who is conducting the interview with Mr Jaha" she offered with a smile "She'll be out in a moment."

It hadnt occurred to me that the actual interview would be happening at the same time as the shoot. This was all i needed. Some irritating fashion journo bitching and whining and judging ensembles.

I took my seat at the table and waited patiently. Never something i'd been good at. While the painful seconds ticked by, I took a chance to check out Thelonius Jaha's palace. There was a huge infinity pool with a neighbouring hot tub that looked over the private bay.

I caught my reflection in the huge window behind the table. Hair looked perfectly positioned and my dress looked pleasing to the eye in the dim light. Everyone looked better at sunset. See how much i knew about lighting? i was definitely a natural photographer. Just then the window slid open and a woman stepped out.

"Echo?"

Oh of course. It was the gym obsessed brunette from the beach. She walked round the table with an easy grace, dressed in perfectly fitted jeans and a white blouse that set off a disgustingly good tan.

"Hello" I cleared my throat, stood up, held out my hand and made a concerted effort not to knock anything over. "Nice to meet you."

"Oh, we've met on the beach this morning? you dont remember?" she sat down in the seat opposite me, ignoring my outstretched hand. Hmm, rude. I wished i had a presentation to give. I was definitely a power point person. Without it, i only had my mouth to rely on, and my mouth was stupid. "You dressed for dinner. How thoughtful."

"I didnt know how formal it would be." There was a slight stammer in my voice. I felt every inch of my skin burning. I wanted to slap myself. And then her. And then myself again. "T-shirt and knickers seemed a bit casual."

"Gutted" She reached over the table pulled a bottle of white out of a silver wine bucket and poured herself a glass. Didnt even offer to pour me one. "Im Lexa."

"Nice to meet you". I couldnt stop staring. My blood was up and i wasnt sure whether i wanted to slap her or shag her. It was not my natural state. I was very confused. Again.

She inclined her head very slightly "So. Echo."

"Yes?" I waited for her follow up but nothing came.

After almost a minute of silence, i realized Lexa wasnt asking me a question. She was just fucking with me. Instead of filling the air with polite and meaningless small talk like normal people, she just sat there holding her wine glass close to her lips, a small smile threatening to make an appearance on her face.

Silence made me nervous. Attractive women made me nervous. Unanticipated situations made me nervous. I was fucked.

"So how long have you been out here? Did you get in today?"

Lexa didnt answer me. Instead her smile broadened and she sipped her wine. My breaking the silence meant she had won. It was written all over her face. I pressed my lips together in a tight line and forbade myself from speaking again. I would not say another word. I would just sit here and look at her self satisfied grin. And her bold green almost grey eyes. And the perfectly toned forearms that were peeking out of her tight blouse.

It was all coming over very Angelina Jolie as Lara croft. There was no point pretending - she was hot. But not specifically my usual type.

"So you're staying in one of the cottages too?." The words were out before i realized it. My mouth was such a traitor.

"I cant believe we havent met before." She spoke with a slow, steady voice and i knew right away why she was such a good journalist. Between the endearing eyes and the desperately sure of itself voice, i couldnt imagine anyone holding out on her in anyway shape or form. "I know you by, well, reputations."

"As a photographer?" I asked

"Sure" she replied, unable to keep from laughing. "I know your reputation as a photographer."

Brilliant. I'd escaped my shitty situation back home and stranded myself in a tropical paradise with this hot, rude, brunette who thought i was a slag. But i couldnt really blame her. Echo was to be fair a bit of a slag. Silence seemed like my best defense so i reached over to my champagne, tried to sip slowly and prayed for dinner to come out quickly.

"You think your up for this job?" Lexa leaned back in her chair

"Do YOU think you're up to this job?" i bounded the question back

"Yes" she replied without missing a beat. "Im the best at what i do. Thats why i'm here. Are you?"

"If i wasnt, i wouldnt be here" i said as confidently as i could. "Would I"

"You're here because at least five other photographers, as far as im aware were already booked and this was the only week in the next six months Jaha would give us."

Lexa didnt flinch, didnt pause, didnt look away. "You're here because your agent has the editor of Gloss in her pocket. You're here because no one else could be."

"Right. Brilliant". That was me told.

"And just repeating my questions back to me wont work" she said releasing a button from her blouse exposing a more pleasing view of her breasts. "I'm a journalist. I ask questions professionally."

I pressed my lips together making my mouth into a terribly attractive tight little line and stared back at the girl across the table. She was really, really starting to piss me off.

 


	2. Girl with a Plan?

  ****1 WEEK EARLIER****  

It was more or less a day like any other when it all went wrong.

My alarm went off, I got up, showered in silence and watched fifteen minutes of breakfast news with stuttering subtitles not to wake Echo my flatmate. I got dressed, checked my bag to make sure i had an adequate number of tampons even though my period was a good three weeks away, and after checking id turned my straighteners off twice, i left the house for the office.

As usual, i was the first in. No one else made it in before 10 on Mondays. Early mornings and late nights were my friends. And given the frequency with which they occurred, they were pretty much my only friends. But on this particular Monday, i had good reason to be so bright eyed and bushy tailed. After 7 years hard slog, i was getting the promotion id been dreaming of. I, Clarke Griffin, was about to become the youngest creative director in the history of this company. Obviously no one was quite as excited about this as me, so it wasnt exactly a shock that i was sitting outside the HR managers office before she had even got in. Some girls had weddings, some had babies, i had my promotion. And that was only sad if you let it be.

"Clarke" Alie called dead eyed and motioned me to follow her into her office. She didnt look surprised to see me. And why would she? we had been discussing this promotion for the past 6 months. All that was left was for me to sign my new contract. I was ambitious.

"OK, so lets just get straight to this." She sat down behind her desk and smiled "I've got some difficult news."

"Right" I sat up straight and put on "Im listening" face. Difficult news? was she leaving? maybe she was leaving. I really hoped she was leaving.

"As you know the company has gone through a lot changes in the past 12 months" She said folding her hands in front of her and leaning her head to one side. Such a serious soul was Alie. Probably because she fired people for a living and everyone hated her.

"And as such, we are having to under-take some necessary measures to ensure a successful restructure."

"Ok" I nodded. This was a very funny way of giving me a big hug and a key to the executive bathroom. 

"Unfortunately due to the new restructure we will not be moving forward with the original plan. The creative director role is no longer part of the planned downsizing of the company, and as such your role has been restructured out of the business". Alie gave me the same look you might give a small child who has just successfully worked out that cows go moo.

"As you'll see we've put together a very fair redundancy package" she continued "If you could just leave your phone and security pass with me ill take care of all that."

"OR PERHAPS ID LIKE YOU TO STOP BEING A DICK AND TELL ME WHY IM BEING FIRED" I shouted. There was no stopping me between the blisters on my heels and my blind rage.

"Perhaps you could explain to me why im being "Let go" when your supposed to be promoting me? Perhaps you could explain to me who exactly is going to win all your business and lead all of your campaigns?".

I grabbed the cardboard envelope and bashed it against the desk to punctuate my every word before flinging it across the room.

"No one is disputing your commitment to the job" Alie said without even flinching "And we will be happy to provide a reference when you find a new situation".

"A NEW SITUATION? THIS ISNT A DOWNTON FUCKING ABBEY. IM NOT A SCULLERY MAID. IM THE BEST YOU HAVE HERE AND YOU KNOW IT. WHERE IS BELLAMY? WHERE IS BLOODY BELLAMY?"

BELLAMY was my boss. Bellamy was a cock. When Bellamy spilled a glass of wine down my top at the Christmas party every year, i laughed it off. When Bellamy referred to me and my breasts as his three favourite employees in front of a new client last summer, i let it go. When BELLAMY tried to cop a feel when every time i had hic-cups for seven years i kept my mouth shut. And now where was he?

"Bellamy isnt in the office this morning" Alie replied actually sounding bored. "This isnt a personal issue, its just a matter of corporate restructuring"

"WELL I THINK YOU NEED TO RESTRUCTURE YOUR FACE" I yelled. Not my best comeback ever. I grabbed the mug from her desk and threw it as hard as i could onto the floor. It bounced once on the beige carpet and then sat there sadly, a tiny trickle of coffee pooling beside it.

"Feel better for that?" Ali asked one eyebrow raised.

"Not really" I admitted, my chin up high and arms stretched out to knock a stack of files off her desk. Stamping a sore foot, I swiped a pritt stick off the shelf and brazenly stuck it in my pocket.

"Im taking that" I explained with added petulance. "You can knock it off my generous package".

It was strange where your mind went when you were in shock. No matter how often Raven had told me to ease up, that work wasnt everything, I hadnt listened. I was happy. I wasnt missing out on my life, my job WAS my life. And now i have neither.

But what really stung, i realized as i rode down to my floor for the last time in the lift that always smelled ever so slightly of cat food, what really stung wasnt the loss of the actual job, it was everything that went with it. Most importantly it was the dream of moving into my own place and leaving Echo my demonic flatmate behind.

Having never been fired or otherwise excused in my life before, I wasnt sure what the protocol was. For the first time i was thankful every-one else in the office were such lazy bastards. There was no one to see me snivelling and shoving my belongings into a reusable Tesco shopper, except for a terrified looking intern and the graphic designer who everyone knew sniffed Bostick in the toilets. The company was going under and i was being let go, but the glue-sniffer kept his fucking job. Perfect.

I picked up my stapler and stared at it for a moment. I couldnt remember a time when i didnt have a plan. Whether it was setting up the girls football team in junior school because i had declared the PE teacher sexist or turning a profit on refreshment stands at the village carnival, I always had a plan.

After a ten minute wander down town I hobbled over an empty bench and kicked off my new shoes without worrying what the Summertime mud would do to the gorgeous nude suede and ruffled around in my tesco bag looking for something to spur on an emotion that wasnt pathetic. All that was in there was my stolen stapler, three framed photos and about seventeen different pens.

I pulled the photos out, one by one and laid them on my knee. The first was of me and Raven, little girl versions of me and my best friend, dressed up as princesses and hugging desperatley for the camera. The next one was a more formal shot of me and my mum at my graduation. The third and final photo was of me and Raven again, this time all grown up and joined by Octavia who we had met in College and who had also become my co-worker over the last 4 years. The three of us slouched on a sofa in some random hotel in front of a huge mirror. Ravens legs stretched out, draped across me and Octavia to my right, resting her head on my shoulder. We were the 3 musketeers. Rock, paper, scissors. Raven was the scissors, Octavia was the paper and i was the rock. I was always the Rock.

"Hello" Raven answered "How's the new job are you...."

"Are you at work?" I cut her off

"Yeah" she didnt sound convinced "Until Five."

"Oh i got the sack and i thought you might want to get very, very drunk."

"SINCLAIR" I snapped my head away from the handset as Raven bellowed at her boss without moving the phone away from her mouth. "I've got a migraine, Im going home. All right?"

"I dont think you can shout that loudly if you have got a migraine" I pointed out.

"Be at yours in half an hour" Raven replied, ignoring me. "Dont kill yourself before then, OK?"

The girl i met in the mirror at home was not the same girl who had left my flat three hours earlier. Her smart chignon had turned into a tangled mess of sodden curls, and the carefully applied but terribly sublte make up was all gone, either cried or rained away. The Blue eyes that had been so sparkly when they left the house were dull and rimmed with red. My simple black shift dress was wet through from the rain, now considerably less office chic - more black latex- condom- frock with a pritt stick still in the pocket. No wonder that kid had burst into tears when i smiled at him walking home through the park. I was still staring at my reflection, willing what i believed to be three new wrinkles on my forehead to go away, when the front door flew open and Raven hurled herself at me before i could even draw breath.

"OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT DID YOU DO?" Raven leapt up onto her tiptoes and crushed me in a bear hug

"Did you punch someone? did you photocopy your arse? did you embezzle them for millions?"

"Downsizing" i choked, disengaging my self from her arms. "There was a restructure"

"You know i hate it when you use air quotes" Raven said slapping my hands down by my side.

"And thats really disappointing. You didnt punch anyone? Not even Bellamy?"

"I didnt get a chance to punch anyone"

"Are you ok?" Raven eyed me cautiously as though i might suddenly lose my tiny mind and bust up the entire apartment.

"Do you feel dead inside? she asked whilst dragging me through the tiny living room and into the kitchen to pop open one of the three bottles of cheap fizzy wine that were clinking together.

"I dont get it, surely they cant fire you. Everyone knows your the only one who does anything at that place. What did Octavia say?"

"She wasnt in when i left" I accepted a ComicCon mug full of cava and gulped it down. Cheap fizz burned. Burning was good.

"I dont know if she even knows"

"What she hasnt called?" Raven topped me up before helping herself to a packet of pop tarts from my flatmates cupboard and sticking them in the toaster. I didnt have the energy or inclination to stop her.

"HR took my phone" I said rummaging around in my hand bag for my personal phone. I leaned against the kitchen wall, sipping my second refilled mug staring at the blank phone before me.

Stupid things kept popping into my mind, like what was my mum going to say? what was i suppose to do when my alarm went off tomorrow morning? was i going to end up homeless?


	3. Chapter 3

I pressed my back against the cold kitchen wall and slide down to the floor. Ahh. That was better. Raven sat on the kitchen top, phone in one hand, pop tart in the other, gazing down at me with concern.

"Clarke" she said.

I peered at her over the edge of my Comic Con mug with wide eyes.

"Your sitting on the kitchen floor in a piss-wet through dress, your head is on the bin. And the bin smells. Do you think you should maybe go and get changed?

I didnt think i should get changed. I was scared that if i took off my work dress i wouldnt have anything to put on but pyjamas, and if i put on my pyjamas i might never take them off again.

"How about a bath? you must be freezing?" Raven put down her breakfast long enough to snap her fingers in front of me "Clarke?, im going to need some feedback from you. What do you want to do?"

I looked up, pushed my scummy hair out of my face and shook my head "I dont know"

Raven hopped down off the worktop and curled up beside me and the bin "I know you must feel like shit" she said sliding her arm between me and the wall and forcing a hug. "But your better than this, you know your amazing". Raven kissed my cheek and jumped up to her feet. "First things first, if your not going to have a bath, you atleast need a shower. I cant look at your hair like that for one more second. You're pretty rank".

"Ok" i let her hoist me up to my full five feet and 6 inches and wiped my cheeks with the backs of my hands.

"So you get in the shower and i will go out and get some proper food, you've got nothing in". Raven said slapping me on the arse and pointing me towards the shower. "Hitler's not due back anytime soon, is she?"

"Please dont call her Hitler" i groaned. It was fair to say that Raven and my flatmate did not get along. Luckily, Echo was away all week. "She's not home till the weekend."

"Thank Fuck" Raven declared with exaggerated relief on her face. "She's the last thing we need"

"Agreed" i hated to encourage the two of them when they went at it but it was true, my flatmate was not the most supportive human in existence. If i could get through this week, get things back on track before she came home, life would be easier.

"Right" Raven pulled her keys to my flat out of her pocket and used them as a pointer. "So shower and hair wash for you, Shop and seven chocolate oranges for me and we will meet in front of the TV for a Wynonna Earp marathon in fifteen minutes.

I nodded, hugged her and shut myself in the bathroom, suddenly desperate to strip off my wet outer layer. Flinging the soffy shift against the bathroom tiles, it hit with a satisfying slap and i stepped under the shower with almost a smile. My skin was cold and clammy and the hot water stung in the best way possible. I could feel myself warming up right through to my bones, which at least meant i could still feel something.

"Maybe i'll go travelling" I told the rubber duck who lived in the corner of the shower. "Maybe i will go somewhere warm"

"With what money?" he asked. That duck was so cynical "You havent got any savings"

Cynical he might be, but he was also right. Fucking Duck. I'd spent the first half of my twenties getting into a really quite impressive amount of debt of both the student loan and credit card variety. Interning and assisting were not well paid professions and with out the bank of Mum to help me through the first few years i had to rely on the kindness of strangers. That is the graduate loans officer. He'd been very ready to help and even more ready to take every penny of interest back. So no, i didnt have any savings, but i didnt really have any debt left either, so that was something. Sort of. It was time to dream big. Maybe i could go and work in Australia. I hoped to convince Raven and Octavia to come with me.

I stayed in the bathroom scrubbing away shame and disappointment and the top two laters of my skin until i heard the front door go and the TV come on. Wrapping myself up in the biggest, fluffiest towel i could find, towels that were obviously not mine. I emerged from the bathroom ready to tell Raven all about my plans. Much to the ducks dismay. I was totally smiling. For all of three seconds.

"Are those my towels?" my flatmate, Echo, stood in the middle of the living room with a very unimpressed look on her face "Because if they are, you're going to need to replace them.

Oh fuck. "Cant i just wash them?" I asked my fragile positive attitude shattering all around me.

"No, you cant." She looked so disappointed in me "They're towels. You dont share towels. Thats disgusting."

There wernt many people in the world who were genuinely awful. Yes there we the arse-holes of the world like Alie, who got a kick out of making other peoples lives difficult, But Echo was genuinely awful. She looked me up and down, a small silver suitcase resting by her high-heeled feet.

"Why are you home using my towels in the middle of the day?" she asked with an expression that suggested she'd just caught me doing lines of coke off the president while my mum watched. "Shouldnt you be at work?"

"I thought you were away all week?" i stalled, really wanting not to be standing in the middleof the living room in a towel. "Didnt you book a shoot or something?"

"I cancelled" she replied with a single flip of her shiny mousey hair. "I got to the airport and they had me booked on easyjet. Fuck that.

Echo was a photographer. And by that i mean that once every couple of months one of Echo's friends booked her for a job that she occasionally accepted, and she vanished from the apartment for a couple of days with the camera i'd had to trade her when i couldnt afford my rent, which she subsequently refused to sell back to me.

"I sort of got made redundant this morning" it did not get easier the more i said it.

"Oh my god" Echo laughed. Actually laughed "You lost your job?, this must bring all the other tragic parts of your life into focus.

"All other tragic parts?"

"No job, no boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever way your swinging these days, no friends..." she ticked off my faults on her fingers "That hair, she said stretching out on the cream settee without taking off her boots.

"Whats wrong with my hair?"

"Maybe you could go off on one of those, Eat, pray, love self-exploratory adventures" she carried on, clearly enjoying herself. "Although that would actually require some imagination. Can you put the kettle on? I have had the worst morning."

Echo and i had come across each other five years ago. Id been looking for a new flat closer to the office and she was looking for a new flatmate who wouldnt walk out after three months because she was a living nightmare. Of course i didnt know that at the time. We were introduced by a "mutual friend" aka a friend of Octavia's who was trying to get into Echo's pants.

Her apartment was beautiful and only a twenty minute walk from work. She told me she was a photographer and i had been a keen amateur photographer until work had completely taken over my life, so i thought that was nice. We made small talk over our mutual love of Netflix and Kinder eggs and within fifteen minutes i had signed the lease. The day i moved in, Octavia, Raven and I were treated to the sight of Echo and Octavia's friend shagging over the back of the settee. I never saw him again. But Echo i was stuck with.

Within weeks, Echo had broken every rule in the flatmate book. She drank my booze, my tea and my milk, she never bought toilet paper, she played music so loudly that i had to sleep with earplugs in. Inside a year she overtook Jason Rothenberg on my list of most evil people alive. She fought with my female friends, slept with my male friends, she took my clothes without asking, and i was fairly certain that on at least one occasion she had stolen money out of my purse.

On my Birthday, she performed an impromptu striptease on the bar of the restaurant we were eating at because she was "considering a career as a burlesque dancer" and called me a boring twat when i asked her to get down. Her favourite term of endearment for Raven was "tweedle twat" and she'd been openly trying to shag our friend Finn since the week he had helped me move my stuff into the apartment, despite the fact that she knew how i felt about him.

Of course there were reasons i stayed. I hated moving and i hated living with strangers even more. Raven refused to leave her shared house and i refused to share one bathroom with 5 students, so that was off the table. And on top of that as Echo's father was the mortgage, the rent was ridiculously cheap, so i was able to pay off all my student loan without bank-rupting myself. And once in a blue moon she would do something human and id think she wasnt so bad.

We would spend the evening on the sofa watching bad romcoms and slagging off every man who'd ever walked the earth, or she'd suggest ordering a chinese take away and manage not to insult me more than twice the whole time we ate. And every year, without fail, she bought me a new vibrator for my birthday. Which for Echo, was a nice thing to do. Plus i was very busy and she was away a lot. Somehow, until now, it had worked.


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey, sorry i took so long. I got chatting to this random...."

"Oh Fucking Hell, tell me its not the muffbumper?" Echo groaned "I cant. I just cant. Its bad enough that you're here without that psycho hanging around."

"Oh Jesus Christ, she's home" Raven froze in the living room doorway.

The 2nd time Raven and Echo met, Echo had asked Raven if it was hard being a lesbian. As far as we could tell this question was based on Raven's choice of shoe and hairstyle and maybe the fact her best friend was Bisexual.

"Yes, im home" Echo replied without taking her eyes off the TV. "Because i live here. You dont. So you can fuck off."

"Fairly certain Clarke lives here as well, so im probably not going to do that". Raven's voice was laden with faux politeness. "I thought you were away?"

"Stalking me?" Echo asked "I've told you before, your not my type."

"No, i know. You prefer someone with a cock. Or, you know, anyone with a cock. How is the Chlamydia?"

Echo sat up sharply "Oh my god, you told her?"

"Its not Clarke's fault your a dirty skank" Raven said, dropping the bag full of goodness on the side table and rolled up her sleeves. "Maybe if you kept your mouth and your legs closed for fifteen minutes out of every day, this wouldnt happen."

Inside the plastic bag, i saw the screen of Raven's phone flashing. I slipped the phone out of the bag and left the 2 of them at it. I had to answer Raven's phone for her. It was Octavia.

"Clarke? Its Octavia, are - are you OK?"

"Im fine" I lied, closing my bedroom door on the outbreak of World War III in the living room. "Ravens here with me".

"What happened?" Octavia sounded worried. "We just got an email a minute ago saying you are no longer with the company. What is going on? You quit without telling me?"

I laid back against my fat marshmallow pillows and closed my eyes "Is that all it said?"

"Yeah, i emailed you this morning but it kept bouncing back and then you didnt answer my texts so i phoned HR to see if you had called in sick. Then they sent this. Clarke? what happened?"

"Downsizing, Redundancies?"

"Ohhh Fuuuuuccckkkkkkk"

"Yeah" I felt the first tear in a while trickle down my cheek.

"Shit Clarke" she said after a pause "Im sorry, thats bollocks. What a load of wank. Everyone was asking where you were. Its mental. What exactly happened?"

Reluctantly i went over the whole story, my heart sinking through the floor as reality set in. The company werent restructuring. The only person being downsized was me, and it was working. I'd never felt smaller in my entire life. I just couldnt understand why. What could i possibly of done wrong?

"I'll try to find out whats going on" Octavia promised "Do you want to come over later? we could get very drunk. And i will get all the girly shit you like? you know - wine, those massive cookies, ice cream?. Come on Clarke, you'll feel better. You know you want to."

And i did want to, but it all seemed to much to bear. "I think i just want to go to sleep, im really tired" I said rolling out of my towel and into the nightshirt underneath my pillow. So what if it was only midday. I was unemployed, "Call you tomorrow"

"Make sure you do" She said sternly "It'll be all right, you know, love you."

"Love you too" I replied. Hanging up, i shuffled my bum up the bed until i could kick my feet under the cover and pulled them up over my head. Echo and Raven were still going at it in the living room. I couldnt even make out what they were arguing about at this point - it was just high pitched squealing. It sounded like dolphins re-enacting Toy story 3. And i hadnt lied, i really was exhausted. Maybe if i just went to sleep, everything would be better when i woke up. That always seemed to work in the movies, after all.

Over the next four days i had learned the following lessons. One: What worked in the movies did not work in real life. Two: advertising was the creative industry equivalent of the movie Mean Girls. Three: Four days wasnt long enough for your hair to start washing itself. Four: If, however, you just didnt get out of bed, you stopped noticing that your hair smelled disgusting after two and a half days, so that didnt really matter.

I had woken up on Tuesday strong, confident and fully committed to writing a new chapter in "The Story Of Clarke". Raven called in sick again and played cheerleader, Djing a motivational mix of music from my largely unplayed music library. I'd been to the toilet six times and Octavia had reported back at least a dozen different rumours about my "no longer being with the company". The three favourites seemed to be that i had been leaking information to a competitor, that i had blackmailed the company into promoting me, and my personal favourite, that i had been sleeping with Bellamy and that he had sent me to France to have his baby. Because clearly it was 1852 and thats what we did when we got knocked up by the boss.

At six pm after Raven had left for her bar job, and after Octavia had emailed me the fifteenth different rumor (that i was completing a sex change and would be coming back in the New Year as a man) and after i had received the fifth phone call of the day explaining no one was hiring at the moment. I had given up.

I took off my people clothes and put on my most disgusting threadbare flannel pyjamas, ate everything in the fridge and turned off my phone.

When i turned it back on 24 hours later, the only people who had tried to contact me were Raven and Octavia. So i turned it back off again. The only bright spot was when i left my room at Grey's Anatomy o clock, Echo had mysteriously disappeared and taken her suitcase and toxic personality with her.

For the past seventy-two hours. I had only got out of bed to pee, take something out of the fridge or fetch another sex and the city boxset from the living room. But three days later the universe and Raven had decided enough was enough.

"Get up, Get up, Get up!" she starting slapping at either side of my head and bouncing up and down on top of my bed. "Its Saturday. "You've got to get up. We're staging an intervention.

"I dont want to be intervened" i croaked, pushing Raven away and throwing myself face first into my pile of pillows. "Leave me alone"

"NO, you're not Anne Frank, you're not hiding from the Nazis. Its time for you to get your arse up and out" she said jumping on my back and wrapping her legs around my waist. She was very strong for such a little girl. "You need to get in the shower. We've got places to go and people to see"

"Not possible" I pushed up onto all fours trying to shake her off, but Raven clung to me as though she was riding a scabby horse. "Let me go back to sleep".

"We havent got time - Im double parked. Get dressed, you filthy mare"

Of course the other people in Raven's intervention was Octavia and Finn. I shook Raven loose and tried to push the dead cat on top of my head into something resembling a ponytail. "Wait? how are you double parked? you havent got a car?"

"Its mental Clarke, you just go on the internet and ask a man if you can borrow one, and then give him your credit card details and, fuck me, you've got a car" Finn replied. Sarcasm was never his strong point. As apposed to his beautiful, floppy hair, and wonderful smile and his broad chest. I was going off topic.

"If you hadnt gone completely crazy in depression you would remember today is my nieces christening and we are attending" Raven said, releasing her kung fu grip and rolling across the bed as she wrinkled her tiny nose. Her hair was ruffled and her cheeks were flushed. She looked the very picture of health. She looks like my complete opposite.

"So get up and get in the shower because we are on our way North whether you like it or not. Oh and your mother rang me asking you to call her urgently, shes worried as your phones been off for days and she wants to go over today's schedule.

"Uggghhhh". Those karma gods were not playing fair.

"Clarke! Raven! Octavia!"

As was tradition, my mum leapt up from the kitchen table as though i was returning home from war.

"And Finn" As tradition he was greeted with a wildy inappropriate hello. The only person on earth who loved Finn more than i did was my mum. I wasnt sure if she wanted him to marry me or marry her.

"Nice to see you Abby" he squeaked as he squeezed her into a hug. "You look well"

"Isnt it a lovely weekend?" she said once she put Finn down. Mum sat back at the table joining Octavia whilst Raven helped herself to everything in our fridge. "Its going to be a lovely christening Raven, you must be so proud of your sister"

"Yes, getting accidentally knocked up is quite the achievement these days" Raven replied popping the top off a beer. "And 2 kids to two different men. Shes a living miracle"

"So proud" Mum beamed, stone cold smile on her face. "So Octavia? are you still seeing that lovely coloured man? Lincoln isit?

I shook my head and planted my face on the cool kitchen table. It smelled of disinfectant wipes and shame.

"Umm not so much at the moment" Octavia stuttered

"No that was really just a sex thing" Raven interrupted. She did love going toe to toe with my mum. "But you know what they say - once you go black ....."

"I havent, but thats very interesting" Mum always got bored before Raven did and so she turned her attention back to Octavia. "Well how's work? Is Clarke still acting the slave driver?"

Because the atmosphere wasnt tense enough already. During the 2 hour drive, everyone had been thoroughly briefed on the situation. They knew i had not told my mother about my newly unemployed status, and they knew i was not planning to do so. Finn thought i should tell her. Finn thought my mum was nicer than Mary Poppins on Xanax.

I loved my mum and i knew that she loved me. I also knew that she loved me more when i was doing well. If i got 98% in a test, she wanted to know what had happened to the other two percent. If i got a pay rise, she wanted to know why it wasnt a promotion. She was a pushy mother. Whenever i got upset about it, i tried to remind myself i should be happy that she focused her efforts on shoving me up the academic and professional ladders. She just wanted the best for me and have the things that she didnt.

"Oh you know, Clarke doesnt work in my team" Octavia replied carefully "And thank goodness. She's so good at her job, she'd just show me up". Octavia had clearly said the right thing as mum and i sat across from each other and smiled in tandem.

"Right hadnt we better go and get changed" i stood up and grabbed my hastily packed weekend bag that Raven had done while i showered. "We dont want to be fighting for the bathroom"

"Fine" Mum feigned disappointed that we were trying to escape so quickly "Oh Clarke. Raven's mum dropped by earlier and asked if you could take some pictures this afternoon?,

"I would but i didnt bring my camera" I said biting my lip hoping she wouldnt ask where it was. It was last summer when i had been short on money due to a ridiculous last minute weekend away with Finn that i couldnt afford which had ended in him copping off with a twenty two year old blonde girl while i sat in the B&B sulking, that id traded my camera to Echo for a months rent. The camera id begged my mother to buy me. The camera i had taken with me everywhere until work had got in the way. The camera that sat on my photographer roommates desk and never moved.

"Oh well, its not like there wont be another one, the way she goes on. No offence Raven."

"None taken" Raven replied

"Well if all of you can be down here by quarter to three. We'll walk down to the church together". Abby suggested.

The christening went as wel as a small village chirstening could go. The post-baptismal celebrations were taking place in the pub. Finn drained his pint and nodded towards mine and Octavia's half-empty glasses. "What are you drinking? im going to the bar" He looked over to Raven who was performing a jazz tap routine for the pensioners who lived in the bungalows near her mum.

"CLARKE! you came! we were worried you might be too busy, you know with your new promotion and all, your mum has been telling everyone all about it. Tell me everything. You never update Facebook. Have you got a partner? You really need to get a move on, you know, your not getting any younger."

There was nothing like being reminded about your ticking biological clock by your best friends six years younger sister to put the icing on this shitty cake of a week.

"So your new jobs going well?" she continued with her interrogation holding her newly christened bundle of joy.

"Yes" I was the worst liar.

"Because i emailed you and it bounced back"

Bloody email. She couldnt of sent flowers?

"Uh there was a problem with the server."

"But not Octavia's email? because i emailed Octavia and that was fine."

"I didnt want to say anything at the christening, but im not actually working there anymore. I got made redundant."

"ABBY" Ravens little brat of a sister grabbed my passing mothers arm, her face completely white. "Clarke lost her job!"

"OH FOR FUCK SAKE" i pressed my hand against my forehead and prayed to whoever might be listening to strike me dead on the spot. I could not handle this right now. Silently i cursed Raven for dragging me up here. My mother stopped dead in her tracks, her face frozen in horror, and just incase people hadnt heard, she dropped a full glass of red wine onto the tiled floor which splattered everyone around us with cheap red plonk.

"Clarke. what is she talking about?" Ignoring the fact that she'd just ruined about seven peoples tights my mum looked as though she'd just had a stroke. I really hope she hadnt.

"I was going to tell you after...." I waved my hand around the very quiet room.

"I cant believe this. After all i have done for you. We will talk about this at home" mum replied angrily with embarrassment and turned on her heel and marched away as the door to the pub slammed.

"Are you all right?" asked my friends gathering around me "Im going to go out for a walk. Get some fresh air". I gave them a smile and pushed my way over to the fire escape and escaped.


	5. Chapter 5

Behind the pub was a pond, a tiny body of water just big enough to have a good side and a bad side. Naturally the bad side was where all the cool kids hung out and drank, cheap, rank booze and the good side was where the nanas brought their grandchildren to throw bits of bread at the scabby ducks.

My brain was so full of so much, i couldnt do anything but sit on the bench, try to ignore the splinters in the back of my thighs and make occasional squeaking noises. I didnt have a job, i hated my flatmate, my mum hated me, i was in love with one of my best friends, my best friend was not in love with me and on top of everything else, even when you peeled away those key issues, i had absolutely no life. I needed rebranding.

"There you are"

I looked up to see Finn striding along the edge of the pond a frown on his face. His pretty, pretty face.

"I've been looking for you everywhere"

"To be fair, i didnt get that far" I glanced around. I wasnt more than 5 minutes away from the pub. I was sad, but i was also very lazy. "You missed an awesome scene"

"I know, i heard. I was in the gents" he sat down besides me and took his jumper off and draped it around my shoulders. "But afterwards you missed Raven grabbing hold of the baby and singing "Circle of Life", so i think we're square."

"Jesus, iv only been out here half an hour" I laughed, trying not to be upset that i missed what sounded like an incredible lion king homage. I did love a Disney movie.

"Well, i was worried about you" he said, nudging me with his shoulder. "Been a shit week Clarke. How are you still sober?"

"Didnt bring any booze." I waved my empty hands at him

Thankfully Finn produced a half-bottle of vodka from behind his back

"Oh you clever man" I said gratefully accepting the bottle and taking a deep drink.

The sun was already setting across the pond "So what are we going to do with you?"

"I have no idea" i replied turning to give him my best attempt at a smile

Finn turned on the bench until his knee was pressing against mine. "People lose their jobs every day Clarke. They dont take to their beds for four days and fall apart. They turn to their friends, they go on holiday, they - I dont fucking know - read the great novels or something. Write a great novel. Start a blog.

Finn took a hold of my hand. His were almost as soft as mine but so much bigger. I turned, flushed with vodka and looked into his big eyes. He was adorable.

"So here's what i see. You are a beautiful, clever, funny woman. You work to hard, you take on too much and you're far too concerned with other peoples expectations. You worry to much about your friends and you live with a mentalist, but aside from that, the basic elements are there".

"Basic elements for what?" I asked

"A life" Finn replied "You're amazing, you know. You have so much drive and ambition".

I felt goosebumps on my bare legs and twisted round to get a better look at him. His dark, dilated eyes were ever so slightly bloodshot from getting up so early, driving so far and drinking so much. He leaned his forehead against mine and said in a whisper "Clarke?"

Instead of trying to say something funny or clever, i took a deep breath and kissed him. For a moment i couldnt tell who was more shocked. Neither of us moved, we just sat there, frozen. My cold lips burned in vodka. And then he kissed me back. It was slow at first and i wasnt quite sure it was happening but i was too scared to pull away. And then i felt the slightest movement against my face, the tickle of warm breath on my wet lips. I had wondered for years what it would feel like to kiss Finn, and now i knew. The arm around my shoulders tightened and his other hand crept up to my face, cradling my cheek in his palm while our lips became better acquainted.

"Wait". Unable to stop myself i pulled away. "Your not kissing me because im sad are you?"

"I dont think so" he replied his voice broken and just short of breath enough to make my heart pound.

"And you're not kissing me because you've been drinking?" I just couldnt stop myself

"Maybe a little bit" he admitted, leaning back in for another kiss. "Can you stop over thinking now please."

I pressed a smile against his lips "Back to yours?" Finn asked.

I took a deep breath and held it in for a moment. I was bricking myself. I hadnt had sex in almost 2 years. And this wasnt just a casual shag after a rubbish party. This was Finn i was going to have sex with. FINN. I'd had a third of a half bottle of vodka, so whatever happened next i blamed that. I jumped off the bench and dragged him down the street "Lets go". And just like that we were together.

The next morning, i woke up wrapped in the same pale blue duvet cover id left behind when id moved to uni and a pair of arms that were brand new. Too scared to move, i tried to keep my breathing slow. I was in bed with Finn, and neither of us were wearing any clothes. And the reason for that is because for the last twelve hours we have been at it.

It was hard to keep the events straight, not because i'd been drunk but because i was suffering from a distinct case of what Raven referred to as Boink Brain. Nothing fogged up your memory like a good shag. I was completely overloaded with happiness and, given how long it was since i'd last ha sex, every part of me was aching. I pressed my hand into Finn's smiling lazily as his fingers instinctively curles around mine.

"Hey." He snuggled up closer to me and i silently congratulated myself on having bothered to shave my legs the day before.

"That happened"

"That did happen" I replied, to nervous to turn around and face him. Naked in the dark was one thing. Naked the next day with slept-in make up on and morning breath? quite another.

With a quick kiss to my shoulder he rolled away, "Raven and Octavia are going to laugh and laugh" he said after a moment.

I pulled the covers up over my boobs, ran a finger under each eye to minimize any mascara fall out and rolled over to look at him. "They are?" i tried to sound as innocent as possible.

"Oh god yeah" There was no beatific glow about his face. He was not gazing at me with love. He was pretty much just laughing. Raking a hand through his beautifully fucked up hair, Finn shrugged and yawned. "Maybe we just, you know, dont tell them" he said looking so terribly casual as he went about breaking my heart. "Just until we've worked this all out."

"Hmmm, thats one idea" I edged ever so slightly away. "But actually, it would really help if you could clear something up for me. What is "this"?

"I dont know" he replied, easy as anything.

A very big part of me just wanted to nod, smile and shut up. I had Finn in my bed. But there was another very tiny part of me that really didnt like the sound of this. "You dont know?"

"Im not trying to be a dickhead Clarke. Im not pretending it didnt happen, but we need to be realistic about this. We've been mates for years. We cant just shag once and go back to being friends like nothings happened.  
"I didnt say i wanted to" I said, trying to keep my voice down "I dont want to pretend it never happened"

"Good because it was amazing". He reached over to stroke my arm and gave me a silly half smile. "Its just tricky the whole friends with benefits thing" he said combing his fingers through his hair. "It never seems to work, and your one of my best mates. I dont want you to get hurt in this."

Ooohhh. It was amazing how much damage you could do with so few words. Friends with benefits. Best mate. And thank goodness he didnt want me to get hurt. THANK GOODNESS.

"I think i need a shower" I said grabbing a towel off the radiator and holding it against myself as i clambered out of bed.

"Wait, you're not pissed off, are you?"

I span on my heel and stared down at the man in my bed. Tall, cute and, as it turned out, a bloody good shag. And weirdly it felt like that was all i knew about him.

"Why did we, you know..." I started, not sure where i was going. "Last night. Why did you have sex with me?"

"Because you kissed me" Finn was doing a much better job at keeping his voice down than i was.

"And if i hadnt kissed you, we would never have....."

"I dont know, because you did" He was talking to me, but scanning the room for his boxers. "Is this just regular post-sex crazy girl behaviour or what?"

"I wouldnt know." I snatched up his pants and thew them in his face. "Because i dont have enough casual sex to know whether or not it turns me into a crazy girl."

"What is wrong with you? All i said was i didnt want to tell Raven or Octavia that we slept together until we had time to work out what was going on. Whats not ok about that?"

"Everything" i replied. I did not want a shower anymore. I just wanted to leave. Shaking his hands off my shoulders, i pulled on my skinny jeans and a baggy black jumper Raven had the foresight to include in my packing.  
"Dont please. Just sit down and talk to me"

"I dont want to sit down, i dont want to talk to you. I dont want to work out whats going on. I already know whats going on. You're a wanker." I curled my hair around itself and fastened it in a topknot. "I did want to kiss you and i did want to sleep with you but i do not want to be your fuck-buddy Finn. I have been in love with you for so long, and i had no idea how not to be. I didnt think actually sleeping with you would be the way to sort it out, but apparently it was. So thanks."

Before i could launch into legitimate sobs, i opened the bedroom door, slammed it shut behind me and ran downstairs. Mum and Kane were drinking Sunday morning coffee in the kitchen in complete silence.

"I think me and you need to have a talk, young lady" Mum said as cool as a cucumber.

"I do not agree" i replied, slipping my feet into my pumps. "Kane, can you please run me to the station?"

"Course i can, love" he said, coffee on the table, car keys appearing from his jeans pocket. "Come on."

"Dont you dare walk out of this house, madam." Mum sounded shocked. It was fair. It was, after all, the first time in my entire life that i'd answered her back or not done what i was told.

"You sit down at this table and tell me what exactly is going on with you or you dont come back to this house ver again."

"I'll leave my keys with Kane then" I shouted as i passed through the front door.

"Oh dear God, its drugs, isnt it? I knew it. All those late nights in the office, never having any money, fired for "no reason". What is it? Heroin? Are you doing Heroin?" She was shouting loud enough for the neighbours to have that on facebook in the next ten minutes.

"Yes mum" I replied as calm as you like "Im doing all of the heroin. Track marks up and down my arms, cant get enough of the stuff. Its aces."

Marching towards the door all i wanted was to be out of that house.

"CLARKE GIRFFIN, you come back here this instant" my mum did not sound amused.

"I didnt turn round. I didnt reply. I just got in the car.


	6. Chapter 6

When i finally arrived back home, the flat was gloriously empty. The battery was flat on my phone and id left the charger at my mums, so there was very little to do but have a bath, wash away every trace of Finn and collapse on the settee with a big tub of ice cream.

A week ago, id been prepping for my first day in my big new job. Seven days on, i had no job, i had no prospects, i'd shagged Finn, I'd fallen out with Finn, and i was relatively certain my mum had a bit of a bag on with me. I had excelled myself. An entire decades worth of drama in one week. "Sometimes things need shaking up" I'd told the rubber duck in the bath. "You've got to test the limits sometimes." He didnt reply. He was getting a real attitude.

I was deep into my third episode of Orphan Black when i heard someone hammering on the front door.

"Yay, Echo" I whispered, pulling my stripy blanket up under my chin.

"CLARKE, are you in there"

Not Echo. Finn. It was too late to run into my room and hide under the bed, so i did the next best thing i could think of. Pull the blanket over my head and shout "NO". But when i pulled the blanket down over my eyes, i saw a tall creased-looking boy in the corner of my living room.

"Your mum gave me your spare key". He held it up before tossing it to me "I didnt think you'd let me in"

"I wouldnt have" i replied, wishing i was wearing anything other than a giant Eeyore sleep shire and a scrunchie. "So you can go now"

"I need to talk to you" He stepped towards the sofa with caution "I need to say im sorry"

"Yes you do" i acknowledged. "So say it and then piss off"

"Im sorry"

"And you're still here"

Finn took a deep breath in and stared at his feet. "I freaked out because i dont know what it was, or what you want it to be. I love you Clarke."

"Oh Jesus Christ, whats going on now?"

In the midst of all our emodrama, I hadnt heard the front door open. And i hadnt seen Echo loitering in the hallway. But i heard her.

"Dont tell me you two are shagging?" She hung her keys on the hook next to the door and inspected her nails. "Dont bother, Clarke, he's shit in bed."

"What did you just say?" I couldnt possibly have heard her right.

"I said dont bother, he's shit in bed, Echo repeated slowly, disappearing into her bedroom. "And between you and me, you and Mr Collins, he's not exactly packing down their either. Not. Worth. The effort."

"YOU" I pointed at him "AND HER?" I pointed to Echo

"OK, dont go mental, but..."

"Oh my god, you and her"

It was too late, I was freaking out. The Andrex puppy in me had morphed into a Rottweiler and Cupid had traded his bow and arrow for an AK-47

"It was nothing" he said insistently, grabbing hold of my wrists a fraction too tightly. "It was just one of those things. It was nothing."

"It was several times" Echo called from behind her closed bedroom door. "Your place, this place, that hotel for the weekend".

"Remember you asked me not to tell Clarke until you knew what we were?" she called. Exactly what he had said to me that morning. "And because she'd probably have a nervous breakdown."

"I didnt say that" Finn squeezed my wrists until they hurt "I didnt Clarke, it wasnt anything. It wasnt worth upsetting you."

Echo agreed from her bedroom "It wasnt worth upsetting my yeast infection either".

"Oh fucking hell" I whispered

"And after all the effort he put into getting into my knickers, I never even came. I've had more fun with an electric toothbrush" Echo said as she reemerged, holding her passport aloft.

"And he was such a whiner afterwards. I'd let you ilsten to the messages, but i deleted them after that time i played them at the comedy phone messages open mike night. Anyway Clarke, are you listening? Im going to be away for at least a week, longer if i can help it. I know you dont care, but i have had such a stressful few days. Council tax is due next week, pay it, yeah?"

Of course she didnt bother to lock the door behind her, which made it all the easier to grab hold of Finn and bundle him out of it. By his face.

"GET OUT" I shouted, grabbing hold of a handful of hair and physically pushing him away from me. I couldnt get rid of him fast enough. My skin was crawling at the thought of Finn & Echo. "GET OUT OF MY FLAT"

"CLARKE, I love you" he said desperately clinging to the door frame.

"Please Fuck Off" I slammed the door, really not giving two shits whether his fingers were still inside or not. I sort of hoped they were. I counted to ten, panting hard. Having never actually been in love before, id never actually had my heart broken. I felt sick. I felt angry. I wanted to break something. I couldnt break Echo but i could break some of her things.

With my hands curled into tight little fists, i kicked Echo's door open and looked for something to destroy. Her room was, as usual a complete shithole. Staring at Echo's overflowing wardorbe, i suddenly hated all of my clothes. Echo's wardrobe was a tumble of colour and texture. Red strapless dresses, printed palazzo pants, skin tight liquid leggins, silk and satin and velvet and leather. The only things i could see that were legitimately worth money and fuck-up able were her dead work blackberry and my old camera. I couldnt bear to do it. I let out a little frustrated scream through my gritted teeth and punched a pillow, shaking from head to toe.

I was a rubbish woman scorned. I'd seen waitresses in Pizza Hut with more fury. I was a complete failure. Back in the living room, i heard the landline ring. There wasnt a single person on earth i wanted to talk to. But of course i answered it anyway.

"Hello" I steeled myself for the worst. Finn. Echo. My mother.

"Oh my god are you okay?" garbled Raven "I've been going mental up here. Why isnt your phone on?"

"I left my charger at my mum's" I answered

"Raven, did you know Finn has been sleeping with Echo?"

"Umm, no?"

"RAVEN"

"Ugghh he's such a dick" she shouted down the line "Dont be angry. I only know because he said something about being in a hotel and she said something about it and i asked him about it and he admitted it, but i didnt tell you because he said it wasnt really a thing and i didnt want to upset you, and...."

"No no no!" I banged the receiver against my forehead, trying to bash the reality of this into my brain. "You knew? And you didnt say anything?"

"Look at it from my point of view" Raven replied with a whine. "You were working like a billion hours a day on that new pitch, plus you were sort of showing interest in that girl you met at Bahama Breeze and i didnt want to distract you, and then by the time id got Finn's balls in a Vulcan death grip, he swore it was over, that it was only a one time thing and that it was done, but he didnt want to upset you and....."

"Raven, I cant believe this"

"I just couldnt bear to tell you" she said softly "He said it wasnt anything and i thought you were going to move out soon and... oh fuck. I fucked up. Fuck Fuck Fuck!"

I was mad at Raven. She knew about this and she hadnt told me, but i was so mad at Echo and at Finn that all my reserves of rage were accounted for. After a few beats of silence i found my voice.

"I slept with him"

"You did? Is that why you left in such a hurry?. Hang on did you sleep with him before or after you found out about Echo?"

"Before"

"Ohhhh shit"

"YEAH" I held the phone to my ear and we shared a comfortable silence. There really wasnt anything else to say.

"Are you ok?" Raven broke first as always

"Not really" I wasnt anymore, i was too tired

"Are you mad?" she asked

"I am mad" I confirmed

"With me?"

"With everyone alive" I said

"Shall i come over when my train gets in?" she asked

"Yeah, I might be asleep, so just let yourself in" I said. The exhaustion was overwhelming. My limbs felt so heavy and i didnt even know how i was holding up the phone "See you in a bit".

"Ok, I love you, dont do anything stupid"

"I've neve done anything stupid in my life" I replied "I wouldnt know where to start."

Collapsing on the closest soft surface, Echo's bed, I exhaled loudly and tried to have a feeling, the phones still in my hand. But there was nothing there. I should get out of Echo's room. I should get dressed. I should call my mum and apologize for my behaviour. But i didnt actually want to. At some point, i was going to have to speak to Finn. And i must not forget, the council tax needed paying. Priorities, Clarke.

Before i could decide which item on my did not want to do list was first, the phone rang again. Once again, just incase it was about the council tax, I answered it.

"Hello" I answered, so so tired.

"Echo" a woman snapped down the line. "Dont say a single fucking word. I am fucking furious with you." Oh no. There was no way i was taking a ear bashing on Echo's behalf. Not today.

"Im not...." I started

"I said not a fucking word" the woman continued. "Do you know how hard it is for me to get you jobs? DO YOU?"

"No?" I answered. Because i didnt.

"NO, of course you dont, you selfish bastard. Its really fucking hard. And after last weeks fucking no show..... I should fire you. I should refuse to even put you up for jobs. And now your fucking Blackberry is out of service? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I had by this time, worked out that i was speaking to Echo's agent, Nia. She had a certain way with words that gave her away. That way was commonly known as swearing."

Before i had a chance to explain to Agent Nia that (a) I was not Echo and (b) just exactly what was wrong with my flatmate, namely that she was a Cunt, she had already started shouting at me again.

"Luckily for you, someone is desperate. This new magazine has landed a last minute interview with Thelonius Jaha and they need a photographer."

"Thelonius Jaha?" I didnt know who Thelonius Jaha was.

"Dont fuck around with me today, fuckface. Thelonius. Fucking. Jaha." Agent Nia snapped. "Its a piece of piss. Couple of portraits of Jaha, couple of shots of some of his favourite archive pieces, his favourite up and coming pieces. Nothing even slightly resembling hard work. Its a better job than you deserve, and if i wasnt shit out of luck with the first three people i'd called you wouldnt even be hearing my dulcet fucking tones right now. You're on a plane to Hawaii tonight. You'll be back by Friday"

"HAWAII"

"What the fuck is up with you this afternoon?" she asked. "You sound like you're stoned. Are you on a juice detox or something? you havent been fucking born again, have you? I cant be dealing with God botherers."

"Sorry, im not..." my mouth was open and the words had started to come out of it. All i needed to do was finish the sentence. All i needed to say was I was no Echo, and then i could go back to watching shit telly on my shit settee. hating my own guts until Raven came over and agreed with me about how shit everything was. Or i could go to Hawaii.

"Echo, you've got exactly ten seconds to say yes or im never putting your tiny fucking arse up for a job ever the fuck again. So say yes."

Ten seconds. Hawaii. Piece of piss. I looked up at the mirror above Echo's bed (yes seriously) and took a moment. Ratty hair. No Job. No boyfriend. No friends. Shit family. Council tax due. Turning opinion round on Clarke Griffin was going to be bloody work. But what if i just wasnt Clarke Griffin anymore? What if i was Echo? Just slightly less slutty.

"Three, two..

"I'll do it" I told my reflection and Nia

"Too fucking right you will" agent Nia replied "I need to email you the brief. I know your a twat about flights, so book the ticket yourself and claim it back and dont give me any shit about how expensive its going to be. Im sure theres room on daddys credit card."

"No, thats fine" My pulse was starting to race again. For different reasons this time.

"Uh, my blackberry is, umm, fucked. Can you send it to my flatmates address? Its Clarke Griffin@.... And, uh, ill give you another number. Dont call the blackberry."

"Whatever. Just get your shit together". Agent Nia sounded very unhappy with Echo. "I wont have you fucking up on my again. This is it. Your last fucking chance. These photos need to be as good as the photos that got me to sign your pathetic arse in the first place and not as wank as the ones you sent in last month. We did discuss the fact that they were indeed wank, did we not?"

"Yes" I really wished i could see those photos. Presumably she'd been drunk when she took them. Or possibly she'd been too busy shagging Finn to concentrate. Who knew? There was a world of possibilities.

"Too fucking right, yes" she snapped. This is your last fucking chance. Do not let me down."

Last chance. Fresh start. It was all the same, really.


	7. Chapter 7

It was only when i arrived at Honolulu aiport and saw a driver waiting in arrivals with a big sign that it occurred to me exactly what i'd done.

I didnt know why i told agent Nia that i would go to a place i'd never visited and take pictures of someone id never heard of for a magazine i'd never read. I dont know why i had picked up my old camera, grabbed Echo's kit bag and started packing. I couldnt explain why i wrote a note for Raven that just said, "Gone to Hawaii. Call you when i get there. So sorry xxx" and stuck it on the front door.

I had a sneaking suspicion it had something to do with the fact that my life had become an unspeakable disaster and i didnt really fancy living it anymore. And it wasnt as though the real Echo was doing such a spectacular job of her existence, where ever she was.

Clutching the sweaty plastic handle of my badly packed suitcase, i tripped over my own feet on the way over to the driver and nodded with as much authority as i could when he waved his sign in my direction. Nonetheless, he nodded back, opened the back door and took my suitcase. Success. I had officially fooled one person.

Packing for my spur of the moment career change had been trying. What did photographers wear? my wardrobe was mostly made up of relatively sensible office attire. Echo swanned around in swanky designer stuff and snagged from her friends and bought with daddys money. Happily, it transpired that the only thing she and i had in common, aside from Finn's penis, was our inside leg measurements.

Given that i was already borrowing her job, her name and her camera, I didnt think she'd mind if i nicked a couple of pairs of skinny jeans, an entire draw full of t-shirts and the odd frock. And a few pairs of very expensive looking shoes, just incase.

I was sequestered away in a chauffeur-driven car, rolling along the highway, blinking vacantly at bright blue skies, palm trees and the pacific ocean. The car pulled up un front of a house. A three story palace that was built into the side of a hill, all floor to ceiling windows and soft, curving angles crowned by a giant round balcony on the very top.

Thelonious Jaha had to be richer than Jesus or J.K Rowling. It hadnt occurred to me how incredibly rich this man would be. He was clearly not a man who usually had his photo taken by a girl whose most recent photography experiment was facebooking her dinner everynight for a week and downloading apps that showed you what you'd look like if you were morbidly obese.

My eyes stayed fixed on the architectural wonder as the driver waved a key card at an invisible sensor and sailed through a pair of giant iron gates, leaving the mansion behind us as we went behind the house down a driveway that led through lush green grounds with what looked like a mountain on onside and a completely deserted beach on the other. Before i had a chance to shut my goldfish gape of a mouth, we pulled up and the engine cut out.

"Miss Echo? Aloha. Welcome to Oahu"

"Hi, yes" I croacked, my first words since immigration, and eventually reached out to take her hand. I was an idiot "Im here for the photo thing? for gloss?"

"Im Anya. You must be very tired from your trip. Let me show you to your cottage."

To my mind a cottage was something small and thatched with roses around the door. The house i was taken to was not a cottage. It was beautiful, with sparkling white-washed walls, an immaculately decorated piece of heaven. And from where i was standing, i could see another four of them dotted along the beach, each one a perfect miniature of the main house complete with huge windows and matching white wooden lawn furniture.

The blue sky was more vivid than i'd ever seen it and dotted with cotton wool clouds that flew fast over head. The breeze by the shore was perfect and light. The sea was clear, and the sand was white, the trees were a bright lush green and punctuated with pretty hot pink and purple flowers.

"I manage the estate for Mr Jaha" said Anya interrupting my house porn moment. The cottage is fully stocked for you, but please call me if there is anything at all you should need. Just press 1 on the phones and someone will come down right away. Mr Jaha would like to invite you upto the house for dinner this evening - he usually dines at eight. Until then please do make use of all our facilities.

After Anya had left me alone to relax, i stared out of the window in disbelief. How could i possibly be here? And what was i supposed to do now? chuck on my bikini and head out to the beach? dig out my shorts and hike up that beautiful mountain we'd passed on the way in? Bash my head against the closest brick wall until i knocked some sense into it. These were all good options. However, another option was to storm the kitchen and make an ice cold fresh Caribbean Cocktail. Because what else was a girl supposed to do?

"Clarke, thank god" Raven answered her phone on the first ring. When i had turned mine on it had been full of panicked messages from her demanding that i call her immediately and asking which mental institution i was in.

"Where are you? what are you doing? why has your phone been off for an entire day? where are you?"

"Oh Raven" I leaned against the kitchen counter sipping my Pina Colada. "I left you a note. Didnt you see the note? Im in Hawaii"

What if Raven hadnt seen the note? what if burglars had seen the note? what if they'd broken into the flat and stolen my precious....oh. Never mind.

"Thats the most ridiculous thing you have ever said" she said after a moments consideration. "And bear in mind i was there that time you announced to the entire pub that you were going to win the X Factor."

"You're actually in Hawaii?" Raven asked "Why? how? have you been watching too many romcoms? because people dont actually get up and leave the country at the drop of a hat unless they're Julia Roberts."

I stepped off the deck and felt the fresh grass against my toes. "Do you think i've gone mad?" I bit my thumbnail gently and made my way towards the sea.

"Oh i absolutely think you've gone mad" Raven confirmed quickly. "But its about time you went mad. This is brilliant."

"Im standing on a beach in my underwear pretending to be someone im not because i lost my job and apparently my mind and thats a good thing?"

"YES" she gushed "Like i said its brilliant. Can you see a hula girl? are there coconuts everywhere? Is there an erupting volcano?"

"Coconuts maybe. There are a lot of palm trees" I confirmed, looking past my immediate surroundings. Everywhere was painfully beautiful.

"Zero hula girls, but there is a great big fucking mountain behind me. I dont know if its a volcano or not. I hope not because if it is and it erupts, Im definitely going to die."

"I want to know everything. Text me every second. Or email me. Or Facebook me. Or all those things. Infact, get on twitter. TWEET."

"I thought i might have a shower before i work out what the actual fuck im doing first" I said squinting at the sunshine. "Im knackered and Oh!.

As i turned back to the cottage, a sweaty gym obsessed brunette appeared from nowhere and almost knocked me to the ground.

"I dont know about knackered, but you could smell sweeter" she grunted, half out of breath. She grabbed my shoulders and stood me up straight "Nice underwear".

Without another word, the brunette spun me round so that i was facing the ocean again and sprinted off.

"What was that?" Raven screeched down the phone. "You're on a freebie trip to Hawaii, sticking it to Echo, and there's company there?

I watched the brunette's back and backside run away from me. My forearm shone with a slight sheen of her sweat left behind after our brief collision.

"I have to work too. For a job i dont even know how to do. I should go"

"Extreme makeover: life edition" she sighed. The brunette had completely vanished from sight. "Go and roll around in the waves for me. I'll talk to you later on."

Back inside the cottage, i plugged in my phone with the lead i had bought at the airport. Looking around the bedroom, I shook my head and felt my curls flap around the back of my head in a limp ponytail. There was a huge bed made up with the softest white linens i'd ever had the privilege of rubbing my face against and giggling into. Off to the side was a dressing table with a matching desk with a squishy white leather office chair, a huge MacBook Pro and a very swanky looking printer. Oh yeah, i was here to work.

Resting on a white floating shelf was a bright pink ukulele. I picked it up and started to play whilst peering out of the bedroom window. I saw a narrow path that wound its way through the gardens and upto a huge, tented terrace and the back of the main house. The only people who could legit live in a house like that were Bond villains or P.Diddy. If i got up there for dinner and Beyonce was a house guest, i was going to lose my shit.

After the worlds longest and most delicious shower, i settled down in the leather chair with my laptop on my knee. I clicked through my emails as quickly as possible and pretended i didnt care that there was nothing from Finn. I opened the brief that agent Nia had sent over. It was 10 pages long. I wasnt the only one who didnt consider Echo to be the sharpest knife in the drawer. According to agent Nia's notes, added in a bright red font, I was to get to Honolulu, get to the house, keep my fucking mouth shut and my fucking knickers on". Neither of those had ever really been a problem for me. She also added in some motivational statements like "Fuck this up and i'll destroy you" and "Even a chimp with a camera phone could do this."

After printing out the intinerary and sticking it to the mirror above the desk, I noticed it was barely ten in the morning, but my jet lagged brain could not process any of what was happening. I slapped my laptop shut and rolled under a soft white blanket, pulling it up to my chin. Either i had never been this tired in my entire life or this bed was made out of clouds. Before i could even turn over and check my phone, I was fast asleep.


	8. Chapter 8

It is a little known fact, but when you combine jetlag, and stomach churning terror, its quite possible to sleep through an entire day. When i eventually woke up, the sun was already starting to dip below the horizon. The sky was a soft pale blue painted with broad strokes of pink and orange, a world away from the cloudy grey sunset i'd watched over the duck pond just two days before.

It was already almost 7pm which gave me just under an hour to get myself together for dinner with Mr Thelonius Jaha. My first real test. This was the craziest thing i'd ever done.

"All i need to remember is that my names Echo" I told the slightly concerned face I saw reflected in the dressing-table mirror as i applied my make up.

At five minutes to eight, i picked my way up the torch lit path to the main house practicing some very steady breathing and rehearsing my key notes in my head. This was just a pitch like any other - I was selling a campaign like i did everyday. Except today i was the campaign and Jaha was the client. How hard could it be?.

I pulled my hair back into a fishtail braid and i'd chosen a yellow shift summer dress with leather flip flops from my brand new borrowed wardrobe. I had no idea how fancy dinner would be but i felt elegant and classy. All i was going to do was show up, eat dinner, be polite and ask lots of questions without drawing attention to myself.

Anya was waiting for me with a glass of champagne on arrival. "Miss Echo" she handed me the glass. "You look delightful"

"Echo. Please just Echo is fine" I said, proud with myself that i didnt cock up and tell her to call me Clarke.

Behind the host i saw a table set for someone dressed way more fancy than me, but i refused to be defeated.

"Mr Jaha wishes me to pass on his apologies. He wont be able to make dinner this evening, but he has asked that you please stay and eat. The first course will be out shortly."

Necking the champagne, i nodded and followed Anya to the table, equal parts relieved and annoyed. But it was hard to be too upset with a glass of champagne in my hand and a soft Hawaiian breeze blowing around my bare legs.

"Miss Woods is just inside" Anya said refilling my glass. "Dinner will be served in a few moments."

"Miss Woods?"

"Yes, the lady who is conducting the interview with Mr Jaha" she offered with a smile "She'll be out in a moment."

It hadnt occurred to me that the actual interview would be happening at the same time as the shoot. This was all i needed. Some irritating fashion journo bitching and whining and judging ensembles.

I took my seat at the table and waited patiently. Never something i'd been good at. While the painful seconds ticked by, I took a chance to check out Thelonius Jaha's palace. There was a huge infinity pool with neighbouring hot tub that looked over the private bay. I ran my hand down the smooth wood of the straight backed dining chair and tried not to think about how wonderful it would be to lie back on one of those chairs with a very large cocktail and maybe a little shoulder massage. Poor me. Here i was sitting on this beautiful table with a glass of champagne waiting for someone to bring me dinner when i could be in a hot tub. Life was hard here, but i was pretty sure i could get used to the difficulty decisions.

I caught my reflection in the huge window behind the table. Hair looked perfectly positioned and my dress looked pleasing to the eye in the dim light. Everyone looked better at sunset. See how much i knew about lighting? i was definitely a natural photographer. Just then the window slid open and a woman stepped out.

"Miss Echo"

Oh of course. It was the gym obsessed brunette from the beach. She walked round the table with an easy grace, dressed in perfectly fitted jeans and a white blouse that set off a disgustingly good tan.

"Hello" I cleared my throat, stood up, held out my hand and made a concerted effort not to knock anything over. "Nice to meet you."

"Oh, we've met on the beach this morning? you dont remember?" she sat down in the seat opposite me, ignoring my outstretched hand. Hmm, rude. I wished i had a presentation to give. I was definitely a power point person. Without it, i only had my mouth to rely on, and my mouth was stupid. "You dressed for dinner. How thoughtful."

"I didnt know how formal it would be." There was a slight stammer in my voice. I felt every inch of my skin burning. I wanted to slap myself. And then her. And then myself again. "T-shirt and knickers seemed a bit casual."

"Gutted" She reached over the table pulled a bottle of white out of a silver wine bucket and poured herself a glass. Didnt even offer to pour me one. "Im Lexa."

"Nice to meet you". I couldnt stop staring. My blood was up and i wasnt sure whether i wanted to slap her or shag her. It was not my natural state. I was very confused. Again.

She inclined her head very slightly "So. Echo."

"Yes?" I waited for her follow up but nothing came.

After almost a minute of silence, i realized Lexa wasnt asking me a question. She was just fucking with me. Instead of filling the air with polite and meaningless small talk like normal people, she just sat there holding her wine glass close to her lips, a small smile threatening to make an appearance on her face.

Silence made me nervous. Attractive women made me nervous. Unanticipated situations made me nervous. I was fucked.

"So how long have you been out here? Did you get in today?"

Lexa didnt answer me. Instead her smile broadened and she sipped her wine. My breaking the silence meant she had won. It was written all over her face. I pressed my lips together in a tight line and forbade myself from speaking again. I would not say another word. I would just sit here and look at her self satisfied grin. And her bold green almost grey eyes. And the perfectly toned forearms that were peeking out of her tight blouse.

It was all coming over very Angelina Jolie as Lara croft. There was no point pretending - she was hot. But not specifically my usual type.

"So you're staying in one of the cottages too?." The words were out before i realized it. My mouth was such a traitor.

"I cant believe we havent met before." She spoke with a slow, steady voice and i knew right away why she was such a good journalist. Between the endearing eyes and the desperately sure of itself voice, i couldnt imagine anyone holding out on her in anyway shape or form. "I know you by, well, reputations."

"As a photographer?" I asked

"Sure" she replied, unable to keep from laughing. "I know your reputation as a photographer."

Brilliant. I'd escaped my shitty situation back home and stranded myself in a tropical paradise with this hot, rude, brunette who thought i was a slag. But i couldnt really blame her. Echo was to be fair a bit of a slag. Silence seemed like my best defense so i reached over to my champagne, tried to sip slowly and prayed for dinner to come out quickly.

"You think your up for this job?" Lexa leaned back in her chair

"Do YOU think you're up to this job?" i bounded the question back

"Yes" she replied without missing a beat. "Im the best at what i do. Thats why i'm here. Are you?"

"If i wasnt, i wouldnt be here" i said as confidently as i could. "Would I"

"You're here because at least five other photographers, as far as im aware were already booked and this was the only week in the next six months Jaha would give us."

Lexa didnt flinch, didnt pause, didnt look away. "You're here because your agent has the editor of Gloss in her pocket. You're here because no one else could be."

"Right. Brilliant". That was me told.

"And just repeating my questions back to me wont work" she said releasing a button from her blouse exposing a more pleasing view of her breasts. "I'm a journalist. I ask questions professionally."

I pressed my lips together making my mouth into a terribly attractive tight little line and stared back at the girl across the table. She was really, really starting to piss me off.


	9. Chapter 9

"It would have been easier if i had taken the photos myself". Lexa's voice was low enough that i couldnt quite tell if i was suppose to be able to hear her or not.

"Your a photographer as well as a writer?" I asked with forced brightness.

She raised an eyebrow and stared me down "No"

Breathing out forcefully, i rubbed my thumb along my fingernail. I prayed for Anya to bring out some food for me to shove in my face before i put my fist in Lexa's. Her gaze was unwavering and i was completely unsettled. Mostly because she looked like she was really enjoying herself. The more awkward she could make things for me, the happier she became. I couldnt seem to sit still while i was looking at her. Stupid vagina - it wasnt the boss of me.

"Tell me about yourself, Echo"

"Not much to tell" I replied. It wasnt a lie, per se. Compared with the people she must have interviewed, i had to imagine that even a newly minted compulsive liar such as myself wouldnt be terribly interesting.

"Favourite book?

"Umm i dont know"

"Favourite record?"

"I like all sorts."

"Favourite film?"

"Pulp fiction" I answered in an instant

"Thats your boyfriends favourite film" She replied just as fast. "Whats you're favourite film?"

I replied with a stony stare. My turn not to play fair.

"Oh" She sipped at her wine again. "Recent break up isit?"

With absolutely no idea how to respond, i shoved a pawful of bread into my mouth and chewed slowly. My forced silence didnt seem to have the same impact on Lexa as hers had on me. In fact it appeared to have the complete opposite effect. She was grinning right at me.

"Dinner is served" Anya strode out of the main house followed by a small army of waiters, each one laden with a platter of joy.

"Can i get you anything else?"

"Were fine, thanks Anya". Lexa answered for the both of us before i had a chance. Another reason to go on the list of reasons to punch her in the face. "This looks spectacular,"

"Mahalo, Miss Woods" Anya replied with her professional smile. "We'll just be inside. Please ring the bell if you need anything at all."

Lexa did not tell Anya to call her Lexa. Dickhead.

"Wait, there's a bell?" I couldnt quite believe it when Lexa held up a small golden hand bell.

"Fuck me" I breathed.

"Maybe after dinner" she replied, carefully placing the bell back on the table far out of my reach while i choked on absolutely nothing. I blushed and quietly pinched myself under the table to check this was actually happening. What an absolute dickhead. For as long as i could possibly manage, we ate in silence until i caved.

"Have you met Jaha before?" I tried to keep my voice light and casual

"No, he doesnt give interviews. This is kind of a big deal".

"Have you interviewed lots of people in his industry?" I pushed on

"Not many". She shook her head "I talk to people with actual stories. There are very few people with real stories."

"Surely everyone has a story" I asked "Like how they say everyone has a book in them?"

"Not everyone. Take you for example. According to you, you dont have a favourite book, a favvourite band, a favourite movie. What story would you write?"

"For all you know i am a fantastic writer." I said starting to get a bit angry again. I slapped the table. "How do you know im not writing an amazing novel about a dystopian society where a reanimated Henry VIII falls in love with a squirrel?"

"Well look at you and your completely insane imagination" She laughed a little and for the first time, it didnt sound patronizing, even if her words were. "I should get your back up more often if your going to come out with gems like that. And you should write that book. I'd read it".

"Whatever" I was annoyed. She was a game player and i hated playing games.

"You're really not going to tell me about the break up?" Lexa asked pushing a bowl of pineapple at me.

"I dont want to talk about it" I replied "There's nothing to talk about"

"So there was a breakup?" She flashed her eyebrows up and down and stared at me. "How about a deal. I'll ask you a question and then you can ask me a question. Sound fair?"

"Not really. You're a professional question asker" I replied "And im a photographer."

"Well, i can tell you're not a wordsmith anyway" she rallied. Professional question asker?"

One week out of my job and i'd already lost my grasp on the English language

"Question: What do you value most above anything else?"

"Oh, I, um....." I was stumped

"You dont get to think, you just have to answer" she said, clicking her fingers over and over "Come on Echo."

"My friends" I shook my head "My turn: Is that tan of yours genuine?"

"Well its not a spray tan or sunbeds" she said "I know, i look great. Queston 2: Whats your proudest achievement?"

"I...."

"No hesitation."

"Getting my first job before i graduated". I waved my hands in the air trying to slow myself down. "Before i was a photographer. Full time photographer. Me again: Do you have a girlfriend?"

"No"

"Why not?"

"Because i dont" Lexa replied. "And thats two questions for me."

I wasnt nearly as goo as this game as she was. Over the next ten minutes, I answered every one of her abstract questions. I told her what coulour i felt like, I told her i would never move back to where i grew up. That i preferred the country to the city and the beach to the country and that i had never, ever cheated on anyone.

"Is this what you do in difficult interviews?" I asked all out of questions whilst Anya and the gang came to clear the table. "I ask you, you ask me?"

"This is what i do whenever I have to interview children" Lexa replied. "Difficult children."

"Right" I nodded. Just when i had started to warm to her. "Do a lot of that do you?"

"No. This is the thing." Lexa leaned back in her chair, her features almost vanishing into a silhouette as she pulled away from the candle. "I learned a lot more about you from your questions than you learned about me from my answers."

"Is that right?"

"Ok, here's what i know." She took a deep drink of wine and then cleared her throat.

"You grew up in the suburbs but you were desperate to get out. I know you arent close to your family because you value your friends much more highly. You are single, which i would know even if you hadnt mentioned the break up earlier because you were so quick to tell me how proud you are of your professional achievements. If you were hopelessly in love, that would have come out in your answers whether you wanted it to or not. Also the only friends you mentioned were Raven and Octavia, which is very Sex and the City of you but it also tells me that you arent in love with anyone. Or atleast you're determined not to be. I've got to assume you're unhappily single because so many questions to me were about my love life, and since you asked so many questions about my job and where i traveled to, I've got to assume that even though you use your job as your main source of validation, you havent travelled very much even though you'd like to. Which is weird for a photographer."

Disconcerting was not the word. "Is that all you've got?" I needed more wine and i need it immediately. She was the best professional question asker i'd ever come across.

"You've gone a bit quiet" Lexa noted as Anya re-appeared with half of her gang and several platers of desert. "Am i right?"

"About some of it" I admitted. "But its not like i didnt learn anything about you"

"Go on then" she said as one of the waiters poured out two coffees. "Stun me with your insight".

"I suppose what i noticed most was that you were just really vague" I added cream to my coffee and tried not to look at Lexa whilst i was talking to her. Too distracting. "I dont think you like people knowing too much about you."

"Interesting theory" She commented "Go on"

And so i did. "I dont know. I mean im not the journalist, obviously, but all of it, the quick comebacks, cant commit to a city, no where to call home, no relationship. Maybe you cant commit to anything

"Amazing" she replied with a forced boredom, but she looks really annoyed.

I leaned towards the candles to get a better look at her. "Are you angry at all women? or is there just one who really pissed you off?"

"Oh, that would be original wouldnt it?" She move back out of the light and i couldnt quite see her face. "Wounded, damaged and heartbroken, I spend my days writing the stories of others so i never have to think about my own. Constantly trying to outrun my feelings until one day i meet the woman who changes everything?"

"I never said heartbroken" I said quietly

"Well" Lexa tapped her fingers on the table and smile down at the tablecloth. "Well, no, i suppose you didnt".

The pretty evening breeze rustled the palm trees overhead and i pushed a stray wisp of hair out of my eyes.

"So tell me more about yourself Echo, photographer extraordinaire". Lexa broke the silence first

"Nope" I picked up a piece of pineapple from the platter in front of me and used it as a delicious fruity pointer. "Im not the story teller, you are."

"Hilarious" she replied flatly.

Somewhere in the past 5 minutes, something had knocked the comedy right out of her. Instead of looking bemused by the whole situation, she just looked pissed off. I was ever so slightly pleased with myself.

"Must of been a terrible break up" I said, eyes wide with feigned innocence. "You poor broken soul you"

"Yeah, i think you've seen too many films" Lexa chugged the remains of her coffee and snatched the piece of pineapple out of my hand. "And you clearly havent read to many books."

"I read" I snapped back. "I read all the time"

"The fifty shades books dont count" Lexa pushed her chair back.

"I didnt read them actually" I announced with triumph. She didnt need to know i hadnt had the time and had read the wikipedia synopses and then downloaded the dirty bits instead.

"Like i said not a reader." With as much grace but significantly more purpose than when she had sat down, Lexa stood up, walked round the table and placed her hands on the arm rests either side of me leaning in close.

I jerked backwards, eyes locked on hers. She bent down until her lips were right beside my ear, and i breathed in suddenly her fresh, soapy shower foam and shampoo just barely covering the traces of a darker, warmer scent that made my stomach flip.

"Goodnight Echo" she whispered before pushing away from my chair and strolling off down the steps and back towards the beach.

"Well" A little stunned and incredibly flustered, i grabbed another bit of pineapple and took a big bite, waiting for my heartbeat to resume normal service. "That was just rude".

"It was a little" a voice said in semi darkness. It was Anya. "I think you touched a nerve".

I laughed self conciously, happy to have an ally and only slightly embarrassed at being caught talking to myself.

"How is the pineapple?" she asked, filling up my coffee and pouring herself a cup before sitting down in Lexa's empty seat.

"Bloody delicious" I replied. It was the best bloody pineapple i had ever eaten. The little plastic pots from M&S would never do the job again. "Perfection actually"

"Good to hear" Anya sipped her coffee "They do say you've never eaten pineapple until you've eaten it in Hawaii".

"I'll have to make sure i eat lots while im here then" I said

"We can ensure that your cottage is well stocked" Anya gave me a wink and nodded down the hill, where a light flickered on in the cottage next door to mine. Lexa was home. "Miss Woods was an interesting dinner companion?"

"I just hope i havent bitten off more than i can chew" I said "I've got a funny feeling im going to have trouble with that one."

"I've got a funny feeling i'd like to have trouble with that one" she replied "And that funny feeling is right between my legs. She would be just my type".

"Not mine". My eyes were still fixed on the glowing window. She was probably taking her blouse off. Right. That. Second.

"Im sure you could make an exception if you put your mind to it" Anya heaped a giant spoonful of sugar into her cup and stirred. "She is one of those girls everyone wants. Im trying very hard not to fall in love with her. Can i suggest you do the same?"

"I promise i will not fall in love with her", I said laughing alone until my chuckles trailed off into awkward silence. Anya stared at me with a less than convinced expression.

"I wont" I said unnecessarily defensive. "Seriously. I am not going to fall in love with her."

"I'll remind you of that at the wedding" she said.

"You can be head bridesmaid" I muttered, turning my gaze back towards the cottages and watching the little light in Lexa's window flicker and blink before the bay was bathed in darkness.


	10. Chapter 10

Tuesday morning was almost confusing to my poor little brain as Monday evening had been. I woke up with the remains of jet-lag fug clouding my mind as i tried to recount the events of the past twenty-four hours. Hawaii, Raven, sleep, dinner, Lexa-baiting and then two hours on the veranda with Anya.

But that was last night and this was this morning. Today was the first real day of my new double life, my first full working day as "Echo". I'd decided somewhere between two and three a.m - when all the best decisions are made - that if i was going to be Echo for a week, I was going to BE Echo for a week. As much as i hated to admit it, all that verbal sparring with Lexa had been fun, and while picking a fight didnt feel like a very Clarke thing to do it did feel a very Echo thing to do. Any why shouldnt I indulge in flirty banter with the gorgeous brunette.

Stretching my arms above my head, i tried to make myself get up. I only had this life on loan for a week - I really should try and make the most of it. I slunk into the kitchen in my t-shirt-come nightie and noticed two things that hadnt been there when i'd finally rolled myself into bed. A plate full of yet more delicious looking fresh fruit and a thick white envelope resting beside it, addressed to Echo. Inside was a stiff white note card with a gold crest and a couple of lines of perfect handwriting.

Dear Miss Echo,  
Unfortunately I will not be available for our appointment today. Please accept my sincerest apologies. Anya is at your disposal.  
Yours,  
T.Jaha.

Hmm. He had cancelled again. "Its fine" I announced to the empty kitchen, placing the card back on the worktop and twisting my hair into a dodgy top-knot. "Gives me another day to get to grips with the camera".

The beach was deserted and utterly silent when i ventured outside. There was no one anywhere to be seen on the beach or up by the house and so i began to wander. Either the entire island was medicated or Anya had slipped some Xanax into my coffee the night before.

After a while the backs of my calves began to burn from walking in the sand. It was time to sit down. Somewhere between the cottages, the ocean and the middle of nowhere, I found a comfortable spot, checked for random men running down the shoreline and once i was certain i was alone, i turned on my beloved camera. 

I fiddled with the settings for a moment, changed the lens, tinkered with the exposure and the shutter speed and then held the viewfinder up to my right eye. "Lets do this" I mumbled, focusing the camera on a small sailing boat out in the bay and pressing the shutter button.

For the next couple of hours, i wandered up and down the beach taking photos of everything i came across. Happily Hawaii was a very giving subject.

"Having fun?"

And before i knew it, i'd tripped over a man sitting in the middle of the beach. I hit the deck hard, managing to hold my camera a loft but dropping to my knees with a force that would definitely leave a bruise.

The man jumped to his knees, and placed an awkward hand on my shoulder. "Are you all right?"

"Yes" I gasped for air a little teary eyed. Once i wiped away the tear and was able to press my hand over my kneecap, i gave him a smile and he sighed with relief.

"Im sorry, i didnt see you" I held out my non-bloody hand and he shook it heartily. "I didnt kick you or anything did i?"

"No, no" he replied "I saw you coming along but you seemed so engrossed in your pictures, i didnt want to interrupt. I just assumed you wouldnt actually walk into an old man."

"Never assume" I said with a mock serious expression. "I am quite stupid."

"Oh i dont believe that for a second" he said, gesturing for me to give him the camera.

Reluctant but too polite to resist, i handed it over. "Im Theo - pleased to meet you. You're on holiday?"

"Working, actually" I watched him flick through my mornings snapshots quickly "Im Echo" I tried not to be a little sick in my mouth as i said it.

"And what are you working on in Hawaii, Echo?" he asked handing back my camera. "They're very good by the way, your pictures."

"Thank you" I said turning the camera off to save the battery "Im here taking photographs for a magazine. Im taking pictures of Mr Jaha. He owns this beach actually. Do you know him?"

"Know of him?" Theo said "He's a character."

"He's a character thats cancelled on me twice since i've got here. Fingers crossed he's not avoiding me".

"Maybe he doesnt know what a pretty young thing you are" he said giving me a twinkly fatherly grin. "Im sure he'd be happy to sit for a snap or two if he did."

I looked away and giggled. He reminded me of my late father and he just seemed so nice.

"Do you live nearby?" I asked slipping my feet out of my flipflops and wiggling my toes until they disappeared into the sand. "Its so gorgeous here"

"I do" he said pointing over at a little cabin a way down the beach. "Thats me. Just in the summer though. The wife never likes to be away from the city in the winter."

The cabin looked too tiny for anyone to live in, let alone two people. "Your married?"

"Was" he clarified. I lost my wife two years ago. Still not very good at remembering she's not here anymore."

"Im so sorry" I winched. Hurrah! Another awkward conversation! "So you're retired now?"

"Semi". He shook the misty look out of his eyes and wiggled his bare toes at the sea. "I was doing something i loved and then i was asked to stop doing it. Now im not sure what to do with myself."

"I understand completely" I nodded.

"So is there a Mr or Mrs Echo?" Theo asked

"Its a bit of a long story" I heard my voice break ever so slightly and pressed my fingernails into my palm to distract myself. "But to make a long story short, no, there is not."

"So tell me more about these photos of yours. Have you been doing it long? Must be a bit of a big shot if you're taking pictures for this magazine."

"Thats actually an even longer story" I said slipping the camera strap back around my neck. "I used to do quite a bit of photography stuff, then i did something else for a while, but i lost my job so now i'm back into it."

"Im glad you found your way back" he said. "You looked so happy when you were taking those pictures, like you were in another place".

"Just concentrating" I laughed oddly unable to accept the compliment.

"Trust me" Theo tapped me on my injured knee "when you get to my age, you can tell these things. I know when someones got a passion for something. You were a million miles away."

"I suppose i was" I said looking down at the camera.

"Dont waste your time worrying about the things you dont have. This is what you should be doing."

"I hope you're right"

"I always am" he said hopping to hit feet and holding out his hand. "Well, i have places to be, things to do. What a pleasure it was to meet you, Echo."

"And you" I said, sad to see him go. "Thank you for being so kind about my photos"

"Just honest" he corrected me as he took off "Hope to see you again".

The walk back to the cottage gave me time to think and develop a little more confidence in my photos. So far i hadnt managed to cock up entirely, but i wasnt doing terribly well with my double identity. I was still very much Clarke, and as i'd established, Clarke was not working for me. I needed to work on Brand Echo. Obviously my Echo wasnt going to be quite the same as the original, but there was definitely some room for improvements on my previous personality.

Settling down at the desk, i pulled a pad of thick white paper and a couple of coloured markers out of the drawer. I drew a thick black line down the middle of the page, and on one side, I wrote "CLARKE" and on the other "ECHO".

"Right" I whispered, shifting around to edge the last remaining grains of sand out of my bikini bottoms. "Whats is brand Clarke?"

Taking the cap off my green pen, i started with words i was sure of. Loyal, honest, dedicated, a good friend, relatively clever. Genuine. I stopped. I had run out of steam worrying quickly. Looking over the list. With gritted teeth i added some more words to the list that i didnt like nearly as much. Shy. Walkover. Boring.

I had to change. I couldnt sit through another meal blushing at Lexa Woods. If Clarke was boring and cowardly, what was Echo? I took the lid off the red pen.

Bitch. Slut. Selfish. Mean. Gorgeous.

"I wouldnt mind adding slut to my column" I told the empty room.

Not only had sleeping with Finn been the worst idea ever, but it had also reminded me that my ladyparts didnt exist exclusively to cause me agony once a month and keep hot-water bottle companies in business. I had the raging horn and there was nothing i could do about it. Well, there was quite literally one thing i could do - Lexa Woods. But i was almost certain that would be the second worst idea. However that was exactly what Echo would have done, i thought to myself - she would have shagged her then and there last night. On top of the table. Probably with Anya filming the whole thing. I might hate her but when she wanted something, she took it.

I'd spent years waiting for Finn to get drunk and bored enough to put it in me. Presumably Echo had put less than ten minutes work into getting him to shag her with such enthusiasm.

Putting pen to paper, i scribbled down some more words.

Assertive. Bold. Fickle. Sexy. Carefree. Un-self-concious. Proud. Adventurous. Exciting. Confident.

I noticed the Echo column was a lot longer than the Clarke column. And a lot more interesting. With all my keywords written down, I moved onto the next part of my rebrand. My visual message. I locked myself in the bathroom and stripped off. OK. It wasnt bad at all. I'd definitely seen worse on embarassing bodies. And gravity had been kind to my boobs. I could wear a bikini and look hot and proud of my curvalicious body.

I untangled my plait and fingered my hair into loose, frizzy waves. But something was still missing? Echo still had something i didnt aside from a gap between her thighs. I was missing an attitude, confidence. Echo just didnt give a shit.

Grabbing either side of the sink, I leaned in towards the mirror and stared myself in the eye. "You dont give a shit" I told myself. I didnt look convinced. I mostly looked a bit cold. The AC was on very, very high. "You are brave and bold and you get what you want out of life".

Retying my bikini, i dashed back out into the kitchen to look for my phone. I needed to call Raven. The front door was still wide open and the warm breeze was so much more tempting than the frigid air-con. I walked outside while pulling up her number.

"Working hard?"

Across the way Lexa was sitting outside her cottage, laptop set up under a huge white cotton parasol on a white wodden table. The upkeep on all this white paint must be insane. I made a mental note to ask Anya about it. And then i immediately erased that note. That was a Clarke note. I was not Clarke. I was Echo.

"And what would Echo do?" I whispered under my breath.

Phone in hand, number undialled, i marched over to Lexa, barefoot and wearing nothing but a bikini. I could not think about what i was about to do or it would never happen.

Lexa rose as i approached, looking as annoyingly bemused and irritatingly gorgeous as she had at dinner. Pushing my hair back from my forehead, I stopped dead, right in front of her. At  
practically the same height, I was almost eye to eye with her.

"Can i help you?" she asked.

Without saying anything, i grabbed her by the neck and pulled her face down to meet mine. The kiss was an explosion. As soon as i felt her soft skin against mine and her full, firm lips pressing against mine, I was lost. I pulled her closer, kissed her harder until i forgot to breathe. Lexa recovered from her surprise like a pro, and before i'd even closed my eyes, her hands were sliding around my back, down my spine. Her skin was hot on my air-con cool body and while my bikini was supporting me in the boob area just fine, according to the warm hands currently cupping my backside, the bottoms were much skimpier than i remembered. Suddenly, the shock of physical contact was too much. Just as Lexa's hands began to move up and around my body, I pushed her away, pressing the back of my hand against my brusied lips.

Lexa looked at me like i'd slapped her around the face. I stared back as though i might.

"So can i help you?" she asked with a wounded, dark tone.

"No" I shook my head and tried to pull my bikini bottoms out of their semi-wedgie as subtly as possible.

"Echo" Lexa coughed and laughed all at once, rearranging her breasts in her bikini top. I tried hard not to look but obviously i did.

"I'll see you later" I said, backing away before turning towards my own cottage and sprinting inside. As soon as i stepped through the door, i slammed it shut, my hand still pressed against my lips.

So that's how it felt to be Echo. And it was not awful.


	11. Chapter 11

I set my phone carefully down on the worktop and pretended not to be shaking from head to toe. Someone was hammering on the front door, but rather than answer it, I made the perfectly rational decision to run into the bathroom, lock the door and start running a shower to drown out the knocking. It had to be Lexa, and if i opened it up, i had no idea what would happen. Either i'd have to shag her on the kitchen counter or she'd slap me around the chops. Neither solution would be productive, even if one would be considerably more fun than the other. 

Why didnt i just call Raven? What on earth possessed me to do something i had never, ever done? I blamed the sun. And sand. It was Hawaii's fault. It was Echo's fault. 

I needed to get out of my bikini and into some more sensible clothes. I ripped it off. Who could make good decisions while they were prancing around in tiny triangles of fabric? 

"I need to relax" I told myself. "And i need a drink."

I cautiously opened the door and sprinted to the kitchen. The classy gal that i was, I opted to swig straight out of the bottle and ran back to the bathroom with it. 

"Hello?" 

Why hadnt i locked the front door?

"Uh, Just a minute" I yelled, clanking the wine bottle far too loudly against the marble sink and grabbing a towel to cover myself. 

"Echo?" The voice came closer and closer. "Its Niylah, from Gloss?"

"Hi" I flung the bathroom door open, towel tucked around my boobs, steam billowing out behind me "Hello"

"Christ, its like a Bananarama video" The blonde girl in front of me stared back with wide eyes. "Nice hair"

"Thank you" 

"Sorry, didnt mean to drag you out of the shower" She could not stop staring at me. I subtly glanced down to make sure my boobs hadnt escaped from my towel. "I was looking for Echo?"

"Oh, of course, thats me" I casually stretched my leg out backwards and kicked the bathroom door shut, hoping she couldnt see the open wine bottle. 

"Your Echo?" Niyla stretched out a confused hand. 

"Yes" I took it reluctantly but shook it with as much enthusiasm as i could muster. There were only two absolutes in this world - nobody puts baby in a corner, and nobody liked a deadfish handshake. "Echo, photographer extraordinaire". 

"Oh Ok, sorry, not quite with it from the flight" Niylah said smiling back at me. "Literally just landed. I know, i feel like shit. I look like shit" 

She did not look like shit. Her blonde hair fell around her shoulders perfectly, her eye make up smouldered and her lips were painted a perfect old Hollywood red. 

"And i suppose im a bit distracted because i can sort of see your vagina" she pointed to the hem of my towel but kept her eyes up. 

"Oh shitting hell" I muttered crouching down and looking for a new longer cover up. "Sorry. I was just having a shower" 

"And a drink?" she craned her neck, looking over my shoulder to where the bathroom door had mutinously swung open. 

"Little one" I said pinching my thumb

"Sounds damn good to me" Niylah said, slipping out of a jacket to reveal perfectly toned arms in a white cotton vest. "Brilliant, maybe we are going to get along. Tell you what, why dont i go and unpack, and then we'll meet back here for a beverage. We need to talk about this shoot, yeah?" 

"Yeah, sure" I agreed, still stooping. "I'll even put some clothes on". 

"Oh, you and your scandalous ideas" She gave me a quick blast of a dirty laugh that made me like her more. "Not too many eh? might be the odd eligible bachelorette out here. Speaking of, dont suppose you've run into our journo gal yet, have you?" 

Run into, eaten dinner with, snogged the face off.

"Lexa? I have had the pleasure" I replied, considering how best to explain to this complete stranger who was sort of my boss that i had sexually assaulted our journo gal about thirty minutes earlier. "She's in the cottage next door."

"Oh good - I should, you know, check in" she said, immediately peering out of the window. "Do you know if she's there now? Do i look OK?" 

Oh. Shit. She liked her.

I nodded and kept schtum, hoping Lexa would do the same. Now i was really starting to feel like Echo. Forty eight hours into the job and i'd already snogged my boss's girlfriend. 

"So back here in like two hours?" Niylah grabbed a huge square bag and waved her sparkly watch at me. "Cocktails and catch-ups"

Almost three hours later, I was perched on the arm of the sofa in the living room, watching the ceiling fan spin round and round and wondering whether or not red wine on an empty stomach had been a good idea. I'd spent almost forty five minutes out of the previous hour blow-drying and straightening my hair while swearing at the humidity. 

Eventually Niylah knocked once on the door before letting herself in. "We're twins" she exclaimed, holding up her arms in delight. 

"So, this girl who works here, Anya? she came over earlier and said there was this little luau thing on the beach a bit further up. She said it would be fun and there will be lot of drinks. 

"You came!" Anya dashed up to me with a coconut that was not full of coconut water and gave me a huge hug. 

"I did" I said accepting a coconut cocktail of my own as well as a hot-pink lei made of delicious smelling flowers. 

Anya slipped her arm through mine and walked me over to an empty table. "So i have to ask you, have you seen Miss twenty questions today?" 

"I have" I confirmed and swiftly changed the subject "But i have to ask you, whats going on with Mr Jaha? how come he keeps cancelling?"

"Oh, dont" Anya said, waving her hand in my face "I havent seen him in days. I dont know where he is hiding. I just find notes dotted around the house. Its family business issues - dont concern yourself with it".

I nodded and found the bottom of my drink far too quickly "These are really good" 

"They are almost as delicious as Miss Woods" She took my empty coconut from me and set it on a table. "Im not refilling until you tell me what she said to you today. Did you scratch each others eye's out?" 

"Not exactly" I really wanted that coconut back "Not yet anyway" 

Anya clapped as a young fit girl appeared with two more drinks. "Did you hate fuck her? you hate fucked her didnt you?"

"I absolutely didnt" 

"But you wanted to" She pushed my new drink across the table towards me. "Dont worry, i get it. She's hot, your single, you're in Hawaii. It happens" 

I forced a stray strand of hair back out of my face "Maybe so, but its not going to happen to me."

"I guess we'll find out about that later wont we?" Anya stood up and backed away wiggling her eyebrows at me. 

I sat alone at my table, happily watching Niylah and what i assumed to be the rest of Jaha's staff dancing to the sounds of someones ipod under several strings of perfectly hung fairy lights. Tiki torches marked out the dance floor and someone had wrapped spare leis around the palm trees. It looked like we were in an all gay Hawaii-based remake of Dirty Dancing. If i tuned out the music, I could hear the sea lapping against the shore and everything smelled sweet. Not least my delicious cocktail. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. I should have started making stupid decisions years ago. I really wished Raven and Octavia were here. Not Finn though. Because i wasnt thinking about Finn. 

I had got on my feet for that "Call me maybe" song when Anya dashed over with another refreshing drink. I knew putting away so many cocktails on a school night was a bad idea, but since all my bad ideas had been going so well, i figured i might as well keep up the good work. After a rousing group rendition of "Single Ladies" Niylah grabbed my hand and zigzagged us across the sand to sit down.

"I think im jet-lagged" she sighed, head tilted up towards the stars. "I feel a bit weird" 

"Do you want to go back?" I asked not really wanting to head home

"No no, im fine" She patted my hand and leaned over to my straw and took a sip of my drink

"Shouldnt we talk about the photo shoot?" I asked handing Niylah a skewer of barbecued chicken. "Like what do you want me to actually do?" 

I watched her mouth the words to what ever Lady gaga song was playing with a glazed expression "I have it all planned" Niylah closed her eyes and piled her hair up on top of her head and then let it fall down her back. "Were going to this amazing old palace where the kings of Hawaii used to live, so we're going to shoot there with Jaha on the throne. Its going to be major" 

"Major?" It was going to be major? I nibbled on a chicken skewer and nodded as confidently as i could. 

"I have one question for you though" Niylah opened her eyes and turned to face me fully pushing her hair behind her ears. "Why are you pretending to be Echo?" 

OH FUCK.........


	12. Chapter 12

I dropped my chicken onto the sand. "Why am i what now?"

I hoped she was drunk enough that a grammatically awkward question might flummox her.

"Why are you pretending to be Echo?" she repeated with careful but precise enunciation. "Because you're not her".

"I am" I replied forcing a laugh "Of course i am. Who else would i be?"

"Fucked if i know" Niylah shrugged and leaned forward, arms across the table. "But you're not that bitch. So I'll ask you again and hopefully you'll have an answer that wont involve the police or the need for me to call them. Why are you pretending that you are?"

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit

"Oh god, i should have known this wouldnt work" I said giving up on trying to think of a good excuse and hoping she was feeling charitable. "But the quick version is, Echo is my flatmate, she was out of town, i'd had the worst week on record, then i took the call from her agent about the job and this all seemed like a good idea at the time."

"What? flying to Hawaii, lying to a bunch of people and pretending to be Echo?" Niylah asked "Not to mention an evil, slaggy bitch no one in the industry can stand?"

"Yes"

She waved at Anya's drink delivery buddy and waited for her to bring over a fresh coconut before she said anything else.

"Echo shagged my ex-fiance, about two years ago" she started slowly and i could tell she was trying very hard to remain calm. "He wasnt my ex at the time. He was my fiance"

"Sounds about right" I didnt want to say too much. There was still too much opportunity for this to go horribly wrong. "Sorry"

"When they told me they'd got her for this job, i went mental. But it was all so last minute. I was away last week and no one else was free. Allegedly"

She stopped to neck almost half her drink in one. "Obviously i tried to get her taken off the job. Because you know, its not just that i hate her, she's also a shit photographer. Yeah, Ok, she took like four really good photos once upon a time, but thats it. People only book her now because they want to shag her. Its pathetic"

"Again, all sounds about right" I replied. "Apart from the four good photos bit"

"Years ago" Niylah flapped her hands around. "They're like legendary. In that they are absolutely beautiful and everything else she's ever done has been shite. Not that i've actually seen them because i wont work with her. Which is handy given that you're not her."

"So what now?" I sared through the wooden slats of the table at my toes, a crushing feeling weighing heavy in my stomach "Are you sending me home?"

"How can I" she asked. "I dont have another photographer. I can't take the pictures. I would be fucked if i did send you home wouldnt I? Do you have any idea how hard it was to get this interview organized?"

"No, i dont" I admitted. "I know this is insane. Or at least I am"

Niylah rubbed invisible worry lines away from her forehead and stared at me. "I didnt say anything earlier because i was trying to work out what was going on. I thought maybe there were two Echo's, or you had a complete personality makeover. Like maybe you'd had a stroke or something. I tried to find her on Facebook, but of course she's not on facebook because she's too fucking cool. But wow you are not Echo. But you are pretending to be. In Hawaii on a photo shoot, even though you're not actually a photographer.

"That would be it in a nutshell, yeah". It was hard to have such a serious conversation with One Direction playing as a backing track, but somehow we managed.

"Are you atleast a good photographer?" she asked "Jesus, you are actually a photographer aren't you?"

"Lets just go with yes" I winced at Niylah's hopeful expression. "Im sorry, i dont really know what else to say."

"Say that you're going to take some fucking brilliant pictures of Jaha, that im not going to get fired and that come Monday, when we land back home, this is all going to seem like it was a very strange dream."

She looked as serious at it was possible to look for someone who had been drinking bootleg Malibu out of hollowed-out coconuts for two hours.

"Im going to take some fucking amazing pictures of Jaha, you're not going to get fired, and come Monday, I really hope we find out this has been a dream, otherwise i've really got a difficult week coming up." I replied "And if it helps, Echo isnt not on facebook because she's too cool; she deleted her profile because people kept leaving really, really horrible comments on her wall and she hated having to untag unflattering pictures."

"How do you live with her?" Niylah asked "Why do you live with her? Aside from this pyschotic episode, you seem like a relatively normal, nice person". She raised her drink in the air "Can you atleast please tell me your actual name? Even if its probably best if we dont tell anyone else about this".

"Its Clarke" I clunked my coconut against hers, so relieved to have told someone the truth. "Clarke Griffin"

"Cheers Clarke" Niylah toasted. "God its going to grate me calling you Echo in front of others".

"Just call me bitch" I suggested "We'll pretend we're in RuPaul's Drag Race."

"I like your thinking" she said straw wedged in her mouth. "Lets just hope I like your photos too."

I agreed. "Oh, you have to dance with me! I love this one" Niylah pushed her chair away from the table too quickly and it tipped backwards into the sand. She led me onto the smoothed-out sand of the dance floor while Maroon 5 blasted from all angles.

They say time flies when you're having fun, but when you're having fun drinking and dancing with Hawaii's most fabulous, it vanishes into a black hole and comes out again shaking maracas and dancing the cha-cha. It was almost one when i looked at my watch and refused my first drink of the night. Niylah had long since decided it was time to take a nap face down on one of the tables. I'd tried to take her to bed and Anya had tried to take her to bed but she declined claiming she was "waiting". We just didnt know for what.

I was deep in a vintage Madonna groove when i noticed we had a gatecrasher. Lexa was standing at the edge of the party, half hidden by a palm tree, wearing her standard self-satisfied expression. The first thing i remembered was how annoyed I had been with her the night before. The 2nd thing i remembered was Kissing her outside her cottage that afternoon. She cocked her head back, gesturing for me to come over.

Silently i declined by turning my back to her and trying to commit to the song. Yes, Madonna, life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone. But Lexa did not call my name, she just stood there looking smug, so i continued to dance my arse off.

"LEXA"

By the sounds of it, someone else at the party was not nearly as committed to playing hard to get as i was. After being completely catonic for an hour, Niylah sprang to life and sprinted across the sand throwing herself into Lexa's unwelcoming arms.

I couldnt quite hear her over the music, but i did manage to dance around Anya and my other new BFF to get myself within hearing distance. Niylah had her arms slung around Lexa's neck and seemed to be trying to lure her onto the dance floor with some very dodgy moves.

I felt a pair of hands on my waist pulling me away from my dance circle. "What do you think your're doing?"

"Nothing nearly as inappropriate as what you did earlier" Lexa said pressing her lips into my hair."

"Although i do want you"

"I want never gets" I said, pushing her away, but she just grabbed my wrists and pulled me back" let me go"

"What? you dont want to talk to me?" she asked "No more questions?"

"Im all out" I said trying to ignore the growing burning sensation that was not caused by the fact that my jeans were too tight. "I think i know everything i need to know"

"I agree" She let go of one of my wrists but spun me round with the other and trapped me against her. "We should just go back to yours"

"Why would i do that?" I looked down at my heaving chest. "After you walked out on me last night."

"Why wouldnt you do that?" she asked "After you kissed me this afternoon?"

"I dont know you Lexa" I notcied the rest of the partygoers had formed a subtle circle around us and were keeping a close eye on proceedings. Fantastic - now i was the official entertainment at a gay Gaga soundtracked luau.

"I dont know why I did what i did earlier. Maybe id had too much sun".

"Echo" She stopped dancing and gripped me tightly around the waist "I dont do games"

"Good job i didnt challenge you to a round of scrabble then"

Bothered and bewildered, I slapped her hands off me. I seemed to be breathing awfully heavily. "Come on, its my first night at a dance club in Hawaii" she said smiling and holding out her hand. I hated that smile. Definitely more of a smirk. "I have to dance".

"Im sure there are plenty of takers" I knocked her hands away and walked off, leaving her to the mercy of Anya's friends.

The tricksy comination of racing hormones and too much rum left me burning with a furious temper that wasnt even slightly cooled by the gianst glass of water i downed the second i stepped through the door. Bathed in the half light of the fridge, I stood and chugged, really wanting to swap the crystal clear goodness for another cocktail, but more than anything I didnt want to wake up with another hangover. I wanted to wake up with a beautiful girl and some intimate chafing, but that wasnt going to happen.

A quiet knock on the door disturbed my filthy thoughts and half hoping it would be Lexa, i set down the water, pinched my cheeks and opened up.

It was Anya. What a waste of a pinch.

"I just wanted to make sure you were home safe" she said calm and professional. "I saw your light on from Niylah's cottage. Can i get you anything?"

My Vagina was so sad that it was Anya and not Lexa at my door. "No, im just going to bed. Aren't you going to go back to the party? It felt like it was just getting started"

"It was and i am" Anya confirmed, the glint back in her eye. "You wont join me?"

"No, no" I said shaking my head "Its bedtime for me"

"Of course" she replied "With our without Miss Woods?"

I wanted to look shocked, but i couldnt do it. Instead I just laughed as if the very idea were ridiculous. "Im not that kind of girl" I assured her.

"I dont see why not" Anya shrugged. "She's gorgeous, she clearly thinks you are too, there's some chemistry there. Why wouldnt you?" she winked starting back down the path but leaving my door wide open. "Man, woman, straight, gay. There's nothing wrong with wanting someone. We're all adults."

My immediate reaction was that while Anya and I might be adults, Lexa was a lady who needed a good slap, but every other part of my body was screaming something else. Every other part of my body was reminding me that Lexa was sexually alluring who invoked the kind of animal lust in a girl that made me want to climb her like a tree. I clutched the door handle, fully intending to shut it, lock it and go to bed. Instead I just stood there, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Why shouldnt I go back? Anya was right. Why was it such a big deal for me to admit i wanted to fuck the hell out of this girl.

Ok, so i barely knew her, and admittedly what i did know i didnt necessarily love, but it wasnt like sleeping with someone i'd been smitted with for year had worked out entirely according to plan. Anya was right. I had only 5 more days in Hawaii, and after that i never had to see Lexa again. God knows i wanted her and against all laws of god, she seemed to want me too.

I should do it. But still - I took one more breath in and fluffed out my hair - If i was going to do this, there had to be some ground rules for myself.

No emotions, no worrying the morning after. I would go in, get laid and then go back home to bed. As if by dirty, dirty magic, when i opened my eyes I aw Lexa sitting two feet away in one of the white wooden chairs by my cottage and jumped out of my skin. If my heart hadnt been racing before, it was now.


	13. Chapter 13

"I really need to know what you were thinking about?" Lexa said resting her elbows on her legs and looking up at me from underneath her messy beach hair. "Thats quite the expression on your face"

I held still for a moment, concentrating on my breathing and not falling over. Falling over was not sexy. Lexa however was Sexy. Even in the delicate lit darkness of the bay, there was no way around the fact that she was a gorgeous species of human. And she was looking at me that way again. No one looked at me that way.

"I was thinking of coming to see you" I said, standing as still as possible "About this afternoon"

"To apologize?" she asked rising from the chair

"No" I managed to get the word out before she was in front of me. Once she was only inches away i seemed to lose the power of speech. Lexa was not my type. She was barely taller than me. Her eyes were too green and she had too much of a tan. She was brunette and i usually went for blonde females. She was arrogant. I didnt know her, I didnt love her, I didnt like her. She wasnt Finn. And i have never wanted to have sex with anyone so badly in my entire life. "Im not going to apologize."

"Good" she replied, pushing me back against the door, knocking my head against the wood and kissing me deep and hard without asking permission, without pausing to see if it was OK. I was more than OK. My body lit up under her touch, excited to be doing something, or someone so new and started to explore the female pressing up against me. Lexa didnt waste time with her kisses, moving from my lips to my throat and all the way down to the neckling of my T-shirt before i could even blink, and somehow with eyes closed, i concentrated on the sensation of her fingertrips tracing patterns all over my body and tried to remember to breath. Her hands coiled themselves up in my hair and pulled my head back sharply, making me gasp. I heard her laugh. She did not stop. Instead her hands slid down my back, feeling out the fastest route into the waistband of my jeans and slipping inside. Gasping for air, I wrapped my arms around her neck and hung on for dear life as she pulled me away from the door, pushed me into the cottage and kicked it closed before tearing at my button fly.

"These are in the way" she whispered.

She was right, but they werent in the way too long. With no chance of turning back i wriggled around my back against the closed door and helped her remove my clothing while reaching for her bra . Two could play this game.

I kicked and stamped my way out of my skintight denim, all the while pushing and pulling and bucking against my lover, lips already raw. My brain had long since switched itself off, leaving a previously unknown dirty girl autopilot in charge. There were no thoughts, no arguments, no concerns. All i knew was i wanted to taste what she taste like as soon as humanly possible and there was nothing else.

I heard the rustle of denim and the clank from our clothes hitting the floor and felt the burn of Lexa's fingers on my thigh, lingering at the edge of my underwear. She paused, pulled away and looked at me, our noses almost touching, both of us breathing so hard i could heardly bear it. Her eyes were deep and dark, i knew i must look feral. She kissed me again, crushing her lips against mine. Her hand slipped around my waist and grabbed my hips. I burried my face in her neck. She smelled warm and dark and delicious. I could already smell her sweat on my skin.

We only made it as far as the sofa before she threw me down, tore off the remainder or her clothes and knelt down between my legs. Everything was hot and hard and wet and humid and the last thing i remember before losing myself completely was the soft sound of her laugh, the flicker of her fingers and the whirr of the ceiling fan. For the first time in my life, being in control seemed overrated.

It was still dark when i woke up, and it took a moment for my eyes to adjust. I was in my room, i was in my bed, but i was very, very naked. Oh no, i rolled over to the edge of the matrress and patted the floor until i could find something underwear-shaped. I turned over very slowly, very carefully, to see Lexa lying beside me. Sliding my legs over the side of the bed, i followed the trail of clothes back out to the living room, wincing at the assorted sex injuries that made them selves known as i moved. If shagging Finn had been like riding a bike then Lexa was a mechanical bull.

Fast asleep, face down in a mound of pillows, she looked so different. All i wanted was to get back into bed and stroke her hair gently until she woke up and shagged me senseless again. I was romantic like that.

Replaying the action in my mind, I pulled on my knickers as well as a T-shirt i picked up en route and surveyed the damage. The apartment was quite a scene. We'd knocked vases off the tables, tripped over chairs and there were cushions everywhere. I placed a hand on the small of my back, gingerly pressing to test the bruises and friction burns. How had i managed friction burns in a cottage with hardwood floors? I glanced back towards the bathroom. Ahh, bath mat. Wow we really had given the entire place the once over.

"Hey"

Lexa was awake. In the darkened bedroom, her voice sounded softer than before. From sleep or sex - I wasnt sure, Either way it made me want her hands on me.

"Hey" I replied, still standing in the living room, staring back into the bedroom. I was so pleased about the darkness: she couldnt see me blushing.

"So i feel like i should mention it now, before its a thing...."

She sat up and stretched. Hot, Hot, hot.

"But you know, this is just what it is. Im a much better fuck than i am a girlfriend"

I stared and nodded

"I know were on the same page anyway" Lexa said, patting the empty bed beside her. "Its just usually best to make everything really clear. Just incase"

"Just incase?" I asked

"Well, i wouldnt want you to go falling in love with me" she said with a laugh "Come back to bed"

"Actually, im really tired" I picked up her clothes and threw them at her "And i sleep a lot better alone"

"Seriously?" Lexa grabbed her clothes and clung to them, showing no sign of actually putting them on. "You're kicking me out?"

"I wouldnt want you getting the wrong idea" I replied burning with any desire and making a beeline for the bathroom "You can see yourself out"

I sat myself down on the toilet and angrily scrubbed my face until i heard the front door slam. How dare she warn me not to fall in love with her? how dare she think i would get ideas? how dare she assumed we were on the same page? even though we were. Definitely. What an arse-hole.

I went back into the bedroom and straighted up my messy bed. I picked up my phone and called Raven.

"Clarke?"

"Raven" I said "I shagged a bad person" I rolled over and stared at the empty space beside me pressing my hand into the pillows where Lexa's head had been.

"I know"

"Oh no, another one" I clarified "Here in Hawaii"

"Thats fast work" Raven sounded horribly impressed.

"Who? Where? How? I want all the gory details. I havent had sex in months and you've been shagged twice in a week? I'm horribly jealous."

"She's a journalist for the magazine" I replied eyes locked on the handprint in the pillows, imagining Lexa still lying there, still asleep. "I have a horrible feeling i may have just shat were i intend to eat"

"You are talking figuratively, arent you?" she asked "Just making sure this isnt the start of a different story"

"Figuratively" I confirmed. "And it was stupid. She's a complete twat"

"Hot twat?"

"The hottest"

"Oh my god, your life is turning into a Taylor Swift song. This is amazing" she didnt sound too concerned.

"Really Clake, whats your poblem? You shagged a hot girl. Its good, its sorbet sex. Palate cleanser. Get the taste of tit face Finn off your Vag"

"Thats so poetic" she was disgusting sometimes "Have you heard from him?"

"No" she answered and dont change the subject. Tell me about this foxy wanker who charmed your iron knickers off"

"I have no idea what happened really. I think pretending to be Echo is getting to me" I said with half a yawn. Hearing Raven's voice was like having a warm bath and a hot chocolate. "I saw her, I hated her, and then i wanted to have sex with her. And then i did. It was mental. I'm just mad at myself because she's such an idiot. I dont even like her."

"So hate fuck her until you go blind, come home and never think about her again" Raven suggested. "And your always mad at yourself or feeling guilty. Or feeling guilty about feeling mad. You are allowed to just enjoy yourself you know. Really Clarke, you have got to stop calling me from fucking Hawaii and complaining. Ooh im in paradise. Ohh i've shagged a gorgeous girl. Ohh i just found a magical pony that shits diamonds. Just get on with it."

"Your right" she made a good point. "Thank you for being amazing Raven" I said fighting full on yawns by now. And rightly so. I was jet-lagged, mentally exhausted from all of the lying, and physically exhausted from All of the sex. "Im going to go to sleep now, I'll talk to you later".

"Not if its to tell me you found Aladdin's lamp" Raven said "Love you"

"Love you too" I said, waiting for the double beep to tell me she'd hung up before i set my phone back on the nightstand and fell fast asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

The first thing i learned about Niylah was she was not shy about personal boundaries. Having already demonstrated how very comfortable she was with letting herself into my cottage, she had clearly decided it was perfectly reasonable for her to come into my bedroom while i was still fast asleep.

"Morning sleepyhead" she said, tapping me briskly on the top of the head until i opened my eyes. "How are you still asleep? its almost ten"

"Oh shit" i rubbed my eyes and tried not to upset any of my injuries. I was sore everywhere and i didnt want to explain to Niylah. "What time are we meeting Jaha?

"We're not" Niylah said with a frown "He's cancelled again, were meeting his son in half an hour though. It would seem daddy dearest is being a bit of diva and his son is going to explain whats going on."

"He has a son?" I was a bit surprised

"Yeah, hes taking over the business. Has taken over the business. Oh i dont know. They tell me nothing"

"So Lexa is going to interview the son?" I was confused and still very tired.

"I dont know" She slapped my duvet covered arse and stood up. "Come on, out of bed."

"You're looking very fresh considering the state of you last night" I commented on my way into the bathroom. Niylah followed. Surely she didnt think we were going to chat whilst i had a shower? She sat down on the toilet, lid down and looked up at me, wide eyes bright and sparkling. Oh. She did.

"Berocca, eye drops and four of these" she said holding up the coffee.

"Nice" I turned on the shower, waited for it to steam up the glass screen and pulled my clothes off as quickly as possible, disappearing under the stream of red-hot water and rinsing off all residual sleep and sex.

"Anyway what state did you come home in?" Niylah shouted over the shower. "Why are your clothes all over the living room? Did you get lucky or are you just a scruffy cow?"

"Scruffy Cow" I yelled as fast as i could "I was just so tired i couldnt wait to get into bed. And drunk. I was drunk"

I hadnt forgotten Niylah throwing herself at Lexa the night before. Conveniently I had completely forgotten it while i was having all the sex with her, but now it was a very clear memory. And it did not fill me with joy.

"Is Lexa coming to the meeting?" I asked as casually as humanly possible.

"I have sent her a text. She wasnt answering when i knocked on her door.

"So tell me, how do you know her?"

"Oh we have worked together a few times over the years, She's always been a bit of a flirt. I've always been a bit of a flirt. Nothing serious though, She's just not that kinda gal.

"What kind is that?" I scrubbed myself red raw with coconut scented shower gel to get every last trace of her off me incase i didnt like the answer.

"The decent kind" she laughed. "The kind that takes you out for dinner and says nice things and texts you back"

"So you've slept with her?" I poked my head out of the shower feeling very sick. This must have been exactly how Echo didnt feel when she realized we'd both had sex with Finn.

"Oh no". She flapped her empty hand around her face "Not for the want of trying. I dont know, i really liked her but she doesnt do the whole relationship thing". Niylah ventured back into the bedroom "Get dressed, were going to be late"

I could hardly believe how fresh faced Anya looked when we got to the main house. Even though I hadnt been that drunk and had managed to grab atleast six hours sleep, i was fully aware that i looked like shit, where as she and Niylah looked like they were fresh out of the spa. And i never looked like shit because i always got a full eight hours and i never spent Tuesday nights drinking cocktails with fifteen gay strangers and banging a bad girl.

"Mr Jaha will be with you momentarily" Anya said "Can i get you anything?"

"I'd take your arm off for a fried egg sandwhich" Niylah muttered

"And for you Miss Echo?"

"Oh, thats me" I said, just slightly too loudly. Niylah quirked an eyebrow and shook her head. "Im fine actually, thank you."

As soon as she was gone, i grabbed a plate and piled it high with tiny sugary looking pastries. I needed carbs and i needed them now.

"Before we start, are you actually going to be able to pull this off? Niylah asked looking me dead in the eye. "This whole Echo thing?"

"Yes" i didnt even sound like i believed myself "Its fine"

"Good" she replied "Because if you fuck up now i know we'll both be in for it."

"Really though..." I choked down a mini danish and shrugged. "What would happen if someone found out? how bad could it be?"

"Jaha would probably pull the interview altogether. I'd get fired. The magazine would probably sue Echo's agent. They'd definitely sue you".

She started to tick off the options on her fingers. "Jaha could sue us". The possibilites are endless.

I lowered the pastry back down to the plate. "I really hadnt thought past Echo kicking the shit out of me" I whispered "Bloody hell"

"And thats assuming the photos are good enough to use in the first place" Niylah smiled sweetly "If they arent, assume all that and more"

"Good photos" I stared at my feet. "Gotcha"

"Glad were clear" she replied. "Ahh Miss Woods, at last"

I hadnt expected to have a physical reaction to seeing Lexa, but as she strode up the path, all in grumpy face and Raybans, I wanted to get up from the table and dive into the sea. She did not look like someone who had enjoyed a good nights sleep in a luxury villa in Hawaii. She looked like someone who had spent the night shagging someone rotten and then spent a couple of hours tossing and turning until the sun came up.

She leaned across the table, right in front of me, just to make me jump. Without a word she grabbed the coffee pot, poured a full mug then threw in several sugar lumps in complete silence.

Niylah glanced at me, trying not to smile as Lexa took the seat at the far end of the table as far away from the two of us as possible.

"Where's Jaha?" she asked after two sips of coffee. "He's late"

"So are you sunshine" Niylah replied "Bad night?"

Even though she didnt take off her sunglasses i knew she was staring right at me.

"I've had better" she said with an entirely straight face, while i coloured up from head to toe. "I've had worse"

"Looks like you went through the wringer" I was determined not to let her win. "Sometimes its best just to let sleep come naturally. When you try too hard, you just end up frustrated.

"Oh, dont worry, im not frustrated" she replied swiftly "But you dont look so clever yourself. Maybe you could do with trying a bit harder."

"Now, now children" Niylah intervened, entirely oblivious to the extreme level of bitchy subtext flying across the table. "We need to sort out this Jaha sitch. Can we kiss and make up?"

Lexa turned up one corner of her mouth and nodded. "I'm game if you are Echo"

"I think she means figuratively" I said, adding cream to my coffee "Im a professional"

"Really?" She rested her elbows on the table and pushed her glasses up over her eyebrows. "I probably owe you some money then."

Before Niylah had time to question Lexa's jibe or my look of outrage, the glass door to the house slid open to reveal a tall slender man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts.

"Aloha" Mr Jaha Junior held out his arms as he approached the table and made his way round to shake everyones hand. "Apologies for my lateness. I'm Wells Jaha". Our host sat down at the head of the table. "Shall we do introductions?"

"Niylah" Niylah flashed her loveliest smile "Im the art director of Gloss. I'll be overseeing the shoot. And this is Echo, our photographer."

"Hi" I raised my hand in awkward half wave. Clearly she didnt trust me to introduce myself. Fair enough really.

"Lexa Woods. I'll be writing the piece on your father". Lexa interupted, not giving me anymore time to add to my hello. "When do you think i might be able to meet him, Wells?" These constant cancellations are getting really quite frustrating now."

WOW. Bolshy. I held my breath, waiting for Wells response. Looking over at Niylah, i saw she was doing the same.

"Well Miss Woods" Wells replied matching Lexa's attitude. "We do have a bit of a problem there. I was hoping we could eat breakfast and get to know one another a little before getting down to the work chatter, but if you'd rather get it out of the way..."

"I would" Lexa confirmed. "Is he going to do the interview or not?"

Clearing his throat and sitting straight back in his chair Wells gave Lexa a brittle smile. The tension was killing me.

"As of this moment, Miss Woods, he says he is not".

Niylah let out a horrified gasp, as if the moment wasnt already dramatic enough, while Lexa simply looked to the skies running her fingers through her hair. I stayed silent. There was no way for me to make this situation any better.

"So what do you propose?" Lexa asked "Are we all just supposed to sit around here until he stops sulkin? We all flew halfway round the world just to talk to your dad and now he doesnt want to play?"

I was half expecting Lexa to vault over the table. She looked pissed off. Niylah looked terrified. I looked ambivalent. I couldnt deny it - the first thing that had crossed my mind when he said Jaha didnt want to do it was that if there was no interview, there would be no pictures. It was starting to look like i could potentially get away with this whole charade scot-free.

"Im going to talk to my father later today" Wells said "I have impressed upon him how important this interview is for the company and me, and i have explained to him that you have come a very long way to meet with him.

"Well thats very big of you" Lexa stood up, her chair scraping along the terracotta tiles of the veranda. "If you could maybe call me when he thinks he might be ready, that would be great"

Without waiting for a response Lexa stormed off back towards the cottages. She was definitely not in the best mood ever. You'd have thought she'd be a bit more chipper, given the night she'd had.

"Mr Jaha, im so sorry" Niylah said, standing up but going nowhere. "I dont know what could have come over her. She's a very passionate woman and i think she's not feeling well and...."

"Niylah please sit down, there's nothing like a bit of drama at breakfast. Miss Woods is obviously very frustrated. I dont blame her. I had a very similar reaction when my father declared his intentions to me last night.

"If you dont mind me asking" I started "how come your father arranged all this if he didnt want to do the interview in the first place? seems a bit silly"

"In short, he didnt arrange it" Wells replied "I did. My father was against it in the begining but after a while he seemed to be persuaded. It was only when Miss Woods arrived on Monday morning and i went to check in that he decided he wasnt interested anymore. And its very difficult to talk my father into something he doesnt want to do". If Miss Woods had stayed to discuss things a little longer, i would have made assurances that the interview will be salvaged somehow."

"Thats wonderful news" Niylah replied "The models arrive this evening. Perhaps we could take a look at the clothes this afternoon or this evening and pull for the shoot.

"I'll see what i can do" Wells replied with a gracious nod and disappeared back into the house.

"Models?" I looked at Niylah.

"Yeah for the clothes?" she looked right back "How did you think you were shooting clothes without models?"

"Coat hangers?" I squeaked.

"You're a moron" she sighed, sinking back into her seat on the table in front of her. "Im fucked, aren't I?"

All i could think was that she wasnt fucked. We all were.

For the want of a more positive answer, I ate another pastry and kept my mouth shut.

 


	15. Chapter 15

So, another free day in Hawaii. We could do anything. We could go anywhere"

Im knackered" Niylah whined on the way back to the cottages. "You need to go and take some photos" she pointed out.

"Fair point" i grumbled as my eyes wondered over to Lexa's cottage. "Tell me about when you first met Lexa"

"Oh it was years ago" she squinted "but i was with my ex then. And she was with hers".

So Lexa did have a serious ex. Interesting.

"But then i ran into her at a Christmas party just after me and my ex broke up and you know how she is, she just looks like trouble."

"Yes, she does" I couldnt have agreed more. I'd had that stupid Taylor Swift song running through my head ever since Raven had mentioned it on the phone. "So...you two, what, got together?"

"Oh no," she smiled and her shoulders dropped half an inch "Didnt quite manage to get that far. Anyway we were chatting at the bar and she's all hand on my leg and to be honest, full disclosure, i probably would have gone home with her, but just when everyone was clearing out, she leans in and she says to me "Before we go, i should probably tell you, im a complete arsehole, so you shouldnt go falling in love with me" Niylah laughed out loud.

"Classy line isnt it?"

It was a classy line. It was also one i'd heard less than 24 hours earlier.

"Thank god i came to my senses, laughed in her face and went home alone. But for some reason i've always sort of regretted it. Maybe that's why she says it - gets girls "backs up". Makes her a challenge. And of course every time i've seen her since, she hasnt been the slightest bit interested in me. I've been more or less single since my ex. Still cant believe he cheated with Echo.

"Im sorry"

"I know you're pretending to be Echo, but you're not her remember?" she rested a hand on my wrist and squeezed "You didnt shag my fiance a month before my wedding did you?"

"No?" I probably should have sounded more certain about that.

"I would of been married three years this September"

I thought back to three years ago and wondered whether or not Echo had ever brought him back to our apartment. Had i met him? Had i made awkward conversation with him in my kitchen on a Saturday morning? It was more than possible.

"But who's complaining when your trapped in Hawaii with the likes of Lexa and endless cocktails" she said "Im totally going to bang Lexa, totally going to break my curse".

"I dont think that would be a very good idea" I choked, wishing we had some of those cocktails to hand. "She clearly got some problems"

"Yeah and i want to be one of them" she replied with a sly smile "Dont worry, i wont go falling in love with her"

A couple of hours later there was a knock at the door "Aloha Echo"

I opened my cottage door to find Anya standing on my doorstep with a giant wicker picnic basket in one hand and a white envelope in the other.

"Aloha" I eyed the picnic basket like a rabid Yogi Bear. I'd been so busy editing practice pictures i had taken i had completely forgotten to eat lunch. "How are you?"

"Since Mr Jaha cancelled once again, there was a suggestion that you might enjoy a tour of the property. The boat is ready and i have a picnic". She waved the basket at me and my eyes followed it. "Sound like fun?".

"Sounds amazing" I clapped my hands together like a little girl jumping from foot to foot. "Can i just run in and change my battery pack? i want to take my camera"

"Hurry hurry" she said, handing me the envelope. The note was from the main house and confirmed Wells would have everything ready for the shoot tomorrow. I left the card on the kitchen top and didnt think any more about it. The only thing on my mind was how many awsome selfies i could take to post on Facebook.

I was already suffering from sunburn so i pulled on a long black T-shirt over my bikini, but abondoned my shorts. There was nothing more disgusting than sitting in damp denim. The T-shirt wasnt fooling anyone into believing it was a dress, but i figured Anya wouldnt be offended by the sight of my arse. Or atleast be to professional and polite to say otherwise. Piling my hair on top of my head and grabbing my camera bag, i was ready to go.

I stumbled out the door and slipped on my sunglasses. But instead of finding my presumed boat buddy, I found Lexa. Holding the picnic basket. And a huge bottle of Champagne.

"Cant have a picnic with out Champagne, can you?" she asked

"Where's Anya?" I asked "You're not coming?"

"Anya has gone back to do whatever it is Anya does, and yes, yes i am" she said looking impossibly pleased with herself and dangling a set of keys from her fingers "You're with me kid".

"Because you know how to drive a boat?"

She nodded

"And you know your way around Hawaii?"

She nodded

"There's no way im gettin in a boat with you" I crossed my arms and gritted my teeth"

She held out her hand "For fuck sake Echo, im not going to feed you to the sharks".

"There are sharks in there?" I eyed the ocean suspiciously "Now im really not sure about this"

"I am and you're coming" She grabbed my hand and started to pull me along the beach "Because I need some company and you need to be fucked"

"I do not need to be fucked" I replied, trying to shake off her hand and ignore the way my skin burned as soon as she touched me "And if you need company, why not take Niylah?"

"Why would i take Niylah?" She asked, seeming genuinely non-plussed as she dragged me along to the little pier beside our cottages. At the end, the worlds smallest motorboat bobbed up and down on the ocean. "Cant think why i'd take her"

I couldnt take my eyes off her bum as she leaned over to drop the picnic basket into the boat. She looked so strong and toned as she unravelled the rope that tied the boat to the pier i was worried my ovaries were going to burst.

"I've got a feeling Niylah might be mad with me anyway" Lexa replied

My brain and vagina hadnt quite reconciled on where i stood with the whole Niylah thing. Nothing had happened between them and it really didnt seem like anything ever would. But i still felt as though I should have told her about this. Whatever this was. Obviously i was a massive wimp and didnt want her to hate me.

"Maybe because you were a complete dick at breakfast?"

"I dont like being messed around" A brief darkness crossed her face before it was replaced with her annoying grin. "Hope you dont get seasick"

"How come you're suddenly in such a good mood?" I let her take my hand and help me into the boat, trying to ignore the sudden flashbacks to the night before. "Forget to take your meds this morning?"

"I never forget to take my meds" she replied, and i had no idea whether or not she was joking. "I lost my temper earlier, I know. It was unprofessional, but its been a pretty stressful few weeks. I didnt need Baby Jaha's shit"

"He was actually quite nice about you after you flounced off like a little girl" I said remembering after my bottom hit the wooden bench, that i wasnt wearing any shorts. Oh crap. "So you might not get fired after all".

"And if they were to fire me, who's going to do their interview?" She jumped behind the wheel of the boat and slipped the keys into the ignition. I hated the fact that both her arrogance and ability to operate a small seafaring craft were epic turn-ons. Maybe she didnt just look like Angelina Jolie; maybe she was actually Tomb Raiders Lara Croft.

I grabbed hold of the side of the boat as the engine sputtered into life.

"Dont talk to me whilst im driving" she said, Raybans down, eyes on the horizon. "Unless you want to end up in an episode of Lost".

Staring at her from behind my sunglasses, i narrowed my eyes and fought the urge to kick her in the back of the knee. Why had i got into the boat? Anya was gonna pay for selling me out.

We pulled away from the pier and away from the beach and headed out into the clear blue seas, but instead of looking out at the breathtaking scenery. I couldnt take my eyes off the captain. She dazzled in a skin tight bikini and her loose shinny hair swayed in the breeze. She was beautiful. Honest to god. Gorgeous.


	16. Chapter 16

We were only on the water for fifteen minutes or so, but it was quite long enough. I peered over the edge of the boat absorbing the sealife under the waves. Eventually we slowed down and began to head inshore. I leaned over hoping Lexa wouldnt push me in and sail away. The water was crystal clear and i could see tiny fish darting around. Back towards the main land the huge green mountains behind Jaha's estate dominated the skyline, towering above the coconut palms and banyan trees. I couldnt believe how breathtaking Hawaii looked from the water everytime i blinked.

"Do you actually know where we are going?" i asked Lexa as she jumped out of the boat barefoot into ankle deep water and dragged us both onto the beach. "Because i saw the film where Madonna got cast away on a beach for ages"

"No one saw that film" Lexa replied "And yes, of course i know. Im not about to get stranded on a deserted beach with you"

It took me a moment to decide which insult to deal with first.

"Lots of people saw that film" i grumbled and held out my hand for her to help me out of the boat, but instead she just grabbed me round the waist and hauled me onto land. My heart pounded and my knees felt weak.

"Why did you bother bringing me in the first place?"

"That" she said, wading back to the boat and recovering the picnic basket. And the half-empty bottle of champagne "Is a very good question"

"Just fancied having someone around to take the piss out of?" I suggested. Or maybe there's something heavy you need me to carry?"

Lexa stood three feet in front of me and frowned "I wanted to come here. I thought you would like it. Zero motivate. Why did you get in the boat?"

"Vitamin B deficency?" I suggested from the safe place behind my sunglasses. "Jet lag? Morbid self hatred?"

She took a step closer. I took a step back

"Are you always like this?"

"Like what?"

"An unrelentingly cynical Bitch?"

It was fair to say i was a little stunned. Lexa just stood there waiting for an answer. Her brunette hair was all mussed up from the water and i badly wanted to smooth it down. Sailing hair looked a lot like sex hair and it was incredibly distracting. Just inches apart i stared at her.

"Sorry that was out of order" she grunted, breaking off the awkward stand-off, and started down the beach and into the trees beyond. "Its this way"

Smiling i followed. For as long as i could i trailed Lexa in silence. It was easy to be distracted - the valley was breathtaking and i kept stopping to touch everything. Flowers, leaves, trees, birds that were too slow to get away from me. We wondered down a beautiful path, up some rocks and finally down a mud bank that tested my ability to hike in flip-flops.

"Lexa" I called as i faltered halway down the path, flapping around like a drunken mountain goat. "A little help?"

"Oh shit" She darted back, took hold of my wrist and hoisted mem down the path. Once my feet were on solid ground, she didnt let go. "Im sorry" She looked as though she meant it. "I get carried away."

"Im not really an experienced hiker" I said "If i'd known we were climbing mountains i'd have worn proper shoes".

"That was hardly a mountain" Lexa's fingers slid down my wrist until we were holding hands. I looked down and blushed.

She smiled and reached behind to pluck a soft pink flower from a tree and tucked it behind my right ear.

"Wearing a flower behind your right ear in Hawaii means that you're looking for a mate". She said fingertips trailing from the flower down my cheek. "On the left side it means you're already spoken for"

Without saying anything, she pulled it out from behind my right ear, combed my hair with her fingers and placed it behind my left ear.

"You cheesy git" I said gingerly touching the soft petals and threatening myself not to blush. Lexa gave my fingers a squeeze and then turned away quickly, dropping my hand.

"Come on" She started walking faster. "Its right around here".

"Whats right here?" I was trying to watch where i was going not to lose my flower "How do you know where we're going?"

"This is right here" She said, standing back gently pushing me in front of her. "And i know because i've been here before. And when you've been here once, its very hard to forget."

I turned a corner at Lexa's nod and pushed my way through a thick, rubbery bush, following the sound of running water.

"Oh. Oh, Wow" I whispered, grabbing her hand again, squeezing it tightly. "Oh Lexa"

In front of us was a small pool. The blue-green water was surrounded by tall cliffs that stretched up so high, covered in green vines and trees, and sheltered us with a canopy of trees. Sunlight found its way through the branches and dappled the water, making it sparkle and glitter, directly opposite us a narrow white waterfall danced down the back rocks from somewhere unseen up in the sky. It was too much.

"How did you know this was here?" I asked my voice low. I was waiting for mermaids to come out and tell me to be quiet or at the very least start singing a Disney medley.

"I spent a summer in Hawaii a few years ago" she said, leading me down the gentle slope to the waters edge.

"Me and my girlfriend were travelling and one day i went out exploring the island and found this place."

I tried not to flinch at the use of the word "girlfriend" and the distinct lack of a qualifying ex in front of it. She said she was single, didnt she?"

"Can you believe were still on Jaha's property?" Lexa set the picnic basket down on a large, smooth stone and kicked off her shoes to paddle the water, never letting go of my hand. I followed, abondoning my flip-flops and followed suit. The water was so cool and refreshing, the horrors of the hike were immediately forgotten.

"I've wanted to come back here for so long but never had the chance".

We stayed where we were, knee deep in the water, holding hands and staring up at the waterfall.

"You didnt want to come back with your girlfriend?" I asked "Wouldnt this be a "you and her" place?"

"We broke up just after we came here" she replied casually. "And she didnt come with me to the waterfall. I tried to get her to come back after i'd found it, but she was more of a lie-by the pool sort of girl than a walk through fifteen minutes of beautiful forest to see something extraordinary kind of girl."

Somewhere in my cold, black little heart, a spark flared for just a second, warmed by the fact that Lexa had chosen to share this special place with me and only me. Not that she'd told me there was going to be a fifteen minute walk. If she had, there would have been no guarantees i would have done it.

"I thought, since Jaha cancelled on us again, he owed us this" she said turning towards me and peeling off her vest.

Fuck a duck, she was so beautiful. And romantic. Maybe she was something special after all.

"And i thought, after last night, you owed me round two"

And then i remembered that she was an arrogant twat and this was just a one week sexathon, nothing more, nothing less.

Not that i was about to stop her. There was something about Lexa's hands on my body that made me lose all sense of myself. They were big and soft and hot and they made me feel small and weak in the best way. There hadnt been a single sexual encounter where i hadnt spent at least half the foreplay desperately trying to maneuver myself into a flattering angle or better yet, under the covers. Even with Finn i hadnt been able to banish the thought of the size of my bum or breasts from the back of my mind, but with Lexa i was too busy revelling in the sensation, the firmness of her touch, the intention behind every move, to worry whether or not she thought i could stand to lose half a stone. Everything about the moment, her tight tense breathing, her half closed eyes, her warm lips pressing against my neck as she coiled my hair in a knot around her fist - said she didnt give a shit. She wanted me. She made me feel desired, and nothing had ever turned me on so much in my entire life.

"This is crazy" i whispered as i watched my pink flower float away towards the waterfall. I barely recognized my own voice when i was with her. I barely recognized myself when i was with her.

"Does it really matter?" she asked one hand disappearing into my bikini bottoms".

"No" I breathed in and clung to her, my lips on her lips, my thighs on her thighs and knees very close to giving way.

"Just dont stop".

And she didnt.


	17. Chapter 17

"So are you excited to get to work tomorrow?" Lexa asked afterwards. I basked in the afternoon sunlight and the warm afterglow of ridiculous sex stretched out on a beach towel.

"Cant wait" I moaned, burying my head in the sand. "Are you excited to meet elusive Mr Jaha?"

"After everything we've put up with so far?" Lexa lazily traced figures of eight around my bare lower back. "I cant wait"

"When you came to Hawaii the first time" I asked "with your girlfriend...."

"Yeah?" Lexa pulled out a tuperware box of pineapple

"Was it for work?" I wasnt sure what i was trying to find out, but i figured i'd know when i heard it.

"No, we were on holiday" she answered, placing a bottle of water in the sand beside me and twisting off the cap. "She lives in LA, i'd been working in Australia for a few months, we met here."

It all sounded so jet-set and romantic to me. "What happened?" I asked. I couldnt imagine Lexa sending sweet text messages or whispering sweet nothings down the phone to her long distance lover, but i wanted to know more. I needed all the details so that i could accurately obsess about it later. And possibly google-stalk the shit out of her ex. "With the two of you?

"Nothing exciting" she nudged the water towards me. I took the bottle and sipped. "I loved her more than she loved me. It happens."

"Yes, it does" I agreed, the familiar stab of pain and betrayal threatening to ruin a perfectly shagtastic afternoon. "Soo she's still in LA?"

"I dont know where she is" she shrugged. I stole a look at her, at the droplets of water in her hair, the crinkles around her green eyes as she squinted at me. Eurgh. It was like seeing her again for the first time. "I dont see a lot of point in keeping tabs on someone who didnt give a shit about me".

I nodded making a mental note to stop checking Finn's facebook page everynight before bed.

"Was she your last girlfriend?" I wondered how many questions i could get away with before she clammed up.

"Why?" she pulled sunscreen out of the picnic basket and squirted it directly on my backside. "Does it matter?"

"Im just asking" I replied defensive, realzing that it totally mattered.

"After her, i realized im not cut out to do the girlfriend thing. Any more questions?"

"Im just curious"

"About me?" she took the bottle of water back and sipped thoughtfully "What do you want to know?"

"What is there to know?"

"What do you need? my middle name? parents occupation? blood type? you dont need to see someones birth certificate to enjoy having sex with them Echo".

"You're not curious to know more about me?" I asked, trying not to let her answer sting. It was just sex. She'd made that very clear. We'd both made that very clear.

"I find the more you get to know about a person, the more disappointed you end up." she replied. "Right now, i like you, you like me, we're having a good time. A very good time. I say we leave it at that before someone finds out something they dont want to know."

I nodded, but really she was just making me want to ask more questions. This was just bravado - it had to be. No one was so incredibly nonchalant about these things. And she was so full of contradictions. One minute she was putting flowers behind my ear, telling me she wanted to share her special place with me, the next she wasnt cut out to do the girlfriend thing? Mixed messages, anyone?

"I just feel like i should know more about you" I said trying to sound as flippant as possible. "Since this keeps happening"

"Should is a terrible word" she muttered running a finger across my collarbone. "Never do something just because you think you should"

"What about doing something because you know you shouldnt?" I asked, the last four days flashing in front of me, my skin burning in the wake of her hands.

She was quiet for a moment, her expression reflective before it transformed with a wolfish grin. "I only do the things that i shouldnt. Like you."

Now it was my turn to be quiet. I knew i wasnt playing fair, but it was one thing for me to choose to have a fling and quite another to have your chosen lover rub the fact that she had no emotional interest in you in the slightest right in your face.

"What was the last thing you did that you shouldnt have?" Lexa asked lying back down beside me, allowing the sun to cover my body again in a warm glow. She looked like she belonged there in paradise. "Aside from me"

"What makes you think i count you?" i pulled a leaf from the tree and watched it snap back. I refused to look at her. "What makes you think this is a big fat tick in the mistake column? Maybe i think its a brilliant idea"

"Oh im definitely a mistake" Her voice took on a shade of self importance and arrogance that i didnt especially enjoy. I'd heard it before and it didnt suit her. "Im just a really fun one"

"You're adorable" I replied. "Do you genuinely feel better about yourself when the women you're sleeping with think your a complete tosspot?"

"Yes i do" Lexa looked at me closely. "You havent answered my question. Whats the last thing you did that you shouldnt have?"

I took a deep breath and turned onto my side so that i see her properly. Her pretty face and solid tanned body were so close, the warmth radiating from her skin was hotter than the sun overhead, but i couldnt quite make out her features - the bright mid afternoon light silhoutted her against the waterfall.

"The last thing i should not of done was sleep with one of my best friends" I said quickly and loudly "I should not of done that"

She perked up immediately "Female?"

"Male"

"Why shouldnt you have slept with him?" she asked not a trace of jealousy or concern on her face. "Was he in love with you?"

"No i shook my head and stared at my fingernails"

"Were you in love with him?" I stared at my nails and realized i should have given myself a manicure.

"Oh, you were" She leaned forward and pushed my hair out of my face. "Are you still?"

I looked up but i couldnt look her in the eyes. "It doesnt matter either way" I said shaking my hair out of her hands. "He doesnt love me"

"Oh, now i get it. You've never been in love before. You're an emotional virgin" Lexa made a clucking noise and rolled her eyes at me "Or worse you're an emotional eununch and you've cut off your own balls. Which isit?"

"Neither, knobhead. Sometimes she said the most ridiculous things. The most ridiculous accurate and hurtful things. "I have feelings. Iv'e been in love". I had. I knew i had. So why did her words sound hollow even to me?

"Why did you sleep with him then?" she looked away for a moment before leaning back on her elbows and looking back at me with professional interest on her face. "Did you think it would make him feel differently about you?"

"I thought he did feel differently" I replied suddenly uncomfortable. "This is weird, talking about this with you. Do you work out?"

"I run a lot and no it isnt" she replied without missing a beat. "So you slept ith him thinking it would make him fall in love with you then presumably you've known him for years and he hasnt shown any interest before?"

I gave her a sharp, stern glare. "Your point being?"

"You're not the first" She cocked her head to one side and gave me a standard issue condescending smile. "You wont be the last. Have you talked to him? asked him why it happened? I'm assuming you didnt march up to him in a bikini on the beach in Hawaii and stick your tongue down his throat"

"He said he didnt know" I ignored the burning in my cheeks and her adorable reference to our first kiss. "And now he says he just wants to be friends again. I just cant work out why he did it all"

"Humans are explorers. Once they've got to the top of the mountain and put the flag in, why would you bother climbing the same on again? There are a lot of very exciting mountains out there, there's always a bigger one around the corner".

"I dont want to be a mountain" I said trying not to whine and failing. "And thats bollocks. If that was true, no one would ever get married."

"Well climbing mountains gets tiring after a while", She reasoned, her expression perfectly even. "I think one day you find one thats got a really good view, you end up hanging around for a bit and before you know it, you've set up base camp and you're going nowhere.

"None of this is reassuring" I replied "And you're not exactly making me feel good about myself."

"If it helps, you're one of the most fascinating mountains i've ever met". She rested a hand on my knee and stroked my skin gently. "Sometimes men are just men. Idiots. Why do you think i prefer women. He's clearly a fool".

"For sleeping with me?" I asked in my quiet voice.

"For not setting up camp" Lexa replied.

We sat in silence for a moment. Lexa's hand on my leg. I was so confused. How could i be sitting here, heart hurting like hell for Finn, and desperately wanting Lexa to throw me down and shag me senseless? I shook my head and looked down at the sand again, feeling silly. Feeling like the old Clarke.

"Maybe he wasnt brave enough to get all the way to the top of you're mountain" Lexa said, breaking the quiet and taking away her hand. I missed it immediately. "Maybe he realized you were too much of a challenge."

"What? and you are?" I asked with a laugh that was slightly more bitter than i like the sound of. "I thought this was just sex Lexa?"

"It is" she said "But you are giving more pause for thought than i'd anticipated".

I hopped up off my towel and brushed away the sand along with her words. She wasnt helping. "Swim?" I asked turning towards the water before i got a reply.

It was posed as a question but it was definetly more of a statement. I wanted to wash away the conversation and pretend it had never happened. This split personality of Lexa's was getting to be too much. One minute she was the devil may care playboy, the next next an insightful sweetheart. She was funny, then she was crass. She was sweet and then she was arrogant. And talking was stirring up genuine emotions, which only made it harder for me to sort through what was real and what was fake. I was having a hard enough time remembering what my name was supposed to be.

I walked into the water, ignoring the shock of cold as it crept up my legs. Baking in the sun had warmed me though, and now the lagoon that had been so refreshing before felt icy. Without looking back i swam towards the waterfall and looked up. I wondered where the water came from, where it went, how it stayed so clean and fresh. Lexa gave me a whole two minutes peace before i heard her swimming over to me with a strong straight stroke.

"What happened with your ex?" I asked as she reached me. "Really?"

"Shall we just agree exes are off the agenda?" she suggested. The fact that she wouldnt tell me only convinced me that there was something to tell.

"Im just curious" I bobbed up and down in the water, starting to enjoy the freshness again.

"Maybe we just shouldnt talk at all" Lexa said "Stick to what were good at"

"Maybe we should just stop everything altogether" I suggested kicking my legs underneath me. "You do your interview, i'll take my pictures and then we all go home."

"And what happens after we go home?" she asked, treading water.

"After we go home?" I was confused.

"Yeah" Lexa swam closer and our feet touched under the water. "When this is over. Whats on the agenda for you when you get back to reality next week?"

"Oh" I smiled sadly and ducked my head. "Reality"

Home. Raven, Octavia, Finn, Echo. Clarke again. Of course. I glanced around at the lagoon, the vine covered cliffs, the palm trees, the golden sand, the blue green water and cascadaing waterfall that almost drowned out her words. It was all too good to be true. This wasnt reality for someone like me.

"Wake up realize this was all a dream" I said "Find my dead husband alive and well in the shower You?"

"New York" She replied "Maybe Hong Kong the week after. Still waiting to confirm".

"Dont you ever stop?" It all sounded like such hard work. "Dont you get tired of moving all the time?"

"I dont like to stay in one place too long" She said kicking backwards towards the waterfall. "Dont like to let the grass grow under my feet."

I waded towards her, just a half-step and stopped. "How do you have any sort of life if you're always on the move? How do you cope?"

"When you've only got yourself to worry about its not so difficult - im fine" She called back as she swam away. "You worry to much"

I watched her vanish under the crashing water, my heart in my mouth until the moment reappeared. She was fine, of course she was fine and of course she was right - I did worry too much. But for the first time while i was sure she was fine, I was starting to think she wasnt entirely happy.


	18. Chapter 18

The rest of the afternoon passed too quickly. We lazed on the beach, Lexa read, I devoured everything Anya had put in the picnic basket and we silently agreed not to ask each other any more difficult questions. We also spent so long kissing that by the time we made it back to the cottages my lips were so chapped i thought they were falling off. When we parted ways on the beach, without so much as a goodbye, and trotted back to our respective homes, i paused by the door, looking back at her to see if she was looking back at me. She wasnt.

Without a second glance, Lexa let herself into the cottage and closed the door behind her. My heart sank a little but my brain gave me a gentle slap and pushed me inside. I still couldnt work out how things could be so insanely fabulous with someone i hardly knew, someone i barely like and someone i would most likely never see again in four days time. Maybe Lexa was right - maybe i did worry too much. But to be fair, i had quite a lot to worry about.

I decided to continue my day of adventure by hiring a moped and spent the rest of the afternoon exploring the island. I had left my passport back at the cottage and the only identification I currently had on me at the moped shop was Echo's birth certificate which I swiped whilst packing, incase Jaha needed some form of ID. I later regretted that decision upon my return of the bike sometime later.

"Your under arrest ma'm"

"What? I screamed in sheer panic whilst being handcuffed by officers

"Identification Fraud"

I went through the motions of fingerprints, photo shoot and paperwork. Then i was chucked in a holding cell with one other woman "What about my phone call" I asked the officer who chucked me a blanket "Would you like me to call someone?"

"YES, NIYLAH"

I looked at my cell mate who was sat biting her nails. She had no shoes on her feet and they were filthy. She was wearing a small mini skirt and her legs wide open. I smiled at her not wanting to become her enemy "FUCK OFF" was her response

"Roger that" I said as I turned to sit down.

"CLARKE GRIFFIN?"

"Yes?" I sat up raising my hand. "Okay yes, your going to be transported down town

"What, Why?" I started to panic "Dont you think this is a little dramatic?" I couldnt believe what a nightmare this was turning out to be.

She walked me on the bus and sat me next to some hispanic woman with 2 gold front teeth who looked like she was in her 90s. Then the officer shackled our ankles together "Are you serious? I asked her "Do you really think ankle cuffs are necessary? i am not an outlaw"

"Standard operating procedure" she replied

I looked around the bus at all the other prisoners. There was close to 20 women all together. I looked over to the woman I was shackled to and then I turned around to look at the two black women sitting behind me. One looked like she would only be a voice if she lost any more weight and the other was about 400 pounds and looked like she was very close to eating the woman sitting next to her.

"You wanna get bitch slapped Barbie?" was the next thing I heard. I was tempted to let her know it wasnt possible to bitch slap me with handcuffs on but i kept a low profile.

Once I got to prison all 20 of us were put in a holding cell with benches, whilst they were called us out one by one to be finger printed again. A woman walked over to the corner of the room and peed on the floor. It quickly became aparant that this was more serious than I realized. This was turning into a full blown out episode of "Survivor: women of the outback".

Soon after we arrived an officer came in with a bunch of sandwiches covered in saran wrap. You would think these women were getting food airlifted in a war zone. One woman was knocked to the ground as the others ran to the officer bearing sandwiches.

How anyone could have a sandwich at a time like this was beyond my imagination. I stayed seated on the bench as i watched this pandemonium in disgust. I avoided eye contact with anyone until I was finally called. I tried explaining to the officer that this was a big mistake and they shouldnt bother booking me as Niylah was going to bail me out any minute

"Thats what they all say sweetie"

Next up was the strip search, or what I would refer it to as Anal rape. They took us into groups of 8 into another holding area where we were instructed to strip and told to stand a few feet away from each other in the buff. Half of these women had clearly never heard of a razor never mind a bikini wax. Hedge trimmers would of been a more appropriate tool for the situation going on inbetween some of these women. One woman looked like she had buckwheat stuck in a leglock. As each woman bent over and spread their ass cheeks I wondered what the officers may think they would find.

"Im sorry" I blurted out "i can tell you right now that i do not have anything inside my brown eye, you do not have to check it"

"Ma'am please turn around and bend over" the female police officer insisted

"I just dont understand what you think your going to find in there?" I said standing upright with both hands covering my asshole.

"You'd be surprised ma'am, drugs, pills, money. Yesterday someone had a gameboy shoved up in there"

"A FUCKING GAME BOY?" I screeched horrified thinking I misheard her. I turned around trying to relax my ass cheeks "Were the batteries init?"

"Uh huh"

"I guess that gives new meaning to junk in your trunk"

They led us all into a room the size of a football field filled with bunk beds. There were hundreds of women everywhere. I was assigned to a top bunk in the middle of the room. The bottom bunk, I assumed was occupied by the large muscular woman doing one armed press ups next to it. The situation was growing worse minute by minute. She looked like G.I Jane

"She looks yummy" someone said as I sped up and stared at the ground. I was in no mood to fight off a sexual abuser.

"HAM AND CHEESE SANDWICHES" again I saw all the women flocking to one area as sandwiches flew through the air, some landing on beds, some landing on peoples outstretched hands. Everyone scattered and ran towards the sandwiches. It was a complete mad house and gave a whole new meaning to the word "Picnic".

I siezed this opportunity to get to the front of the line of the help desk "Hello" I said to the officer sitting behind the partition.

"Im supposed to get bailed out shortly so how exactly does that work?"

"Well someone needs to post your bail and then we will be notified and you'll be released.

"Well im positive that my bail has already been posted. (Or so I hoped) check in the system and see

"NAME?" no bail has been posted I was told after a couple of minutes "that doesnt mean it hasnt its just not in the system yet"

"ITS 2017 how long does your crappy machine take to update?"

"It can take a few hours someitmes a day or 2, it looks like the system is down.

"WHAT?" WELL FIX IT" my anger heightened

"Your defintely not getting out tonight. you better get your self a sandwich before they run out"

I turned and walked towards the payphone. One woman was on the payphone and another woman was yelling at her "GET OFF THAT GOD DAMN PHONE YOU FUCKING BITCH YOUR FIVE MINUTES IS UP "

When it was finally my turn, i used it to make a call to Niylah. I immediately started bawling my eyes out at the sound of her voice "Whats happening?"

"I have signed your release forms, its just a matter of them getting processed. You're lucky i know people in the right places. You've put me in a very awkward situation here, If i didnt need you for this shoot i would let your arse rot in there"

"Nooo", I wailed there are gangs here and people are trading sandwiches for tampons. Its complete chaos

"Clarke just try and get some sleep. I will get you out of there as soon as i can"

I used the sandwich I was holding to wipe the tears from my eyes.

"Hey, Barbie get off the fucking phone" a voice called from behind me. I was so startled I didnt even say goodbye I just dropped the handset and took my sandwich back to my bunk.

It wasnt going to be easy to get these lunatics to take me seriously but I was hell bent on trying. I climbed up on my bed and put my head down on the pillow which had the consistency of a pancake. I placed my sandwich underneath it for extra support.

"You not gonna eat that? asked a frosted blonde haired white woman in the top bunk next to mine. Her mouth full of sandwich she was already gnawing on

"Do you want it? I asked jumping at the opportunity to make a friend

"Shit i'll take it" and put out her hand.

"What are you in for" I asked her

"Murder"

The notion that someone who was in for identification fraud was put in a bed next to a killer was not lost on me. What kind of system are they running here. I suddenly realized that this was what people were on about when refering to the term "Hard time"

I searched my mind for the correct lingo to converse with a murderer "Who'd you knock off" I asked nonchalantly trying to hide my fear

"My mother the cunt, slept with my man"

"Did you kill the guy aswel? I asked

"Nah didnt get the chance would of tho" she said as she piled my whole sandwich into her mouth in one sweep.

"Right" I nodded.

I didnt want to pry yet and wanted to know how this frosted blonde petite woman murdered her mother and where her body was storing the two sandwiches she had just demolished. She couldnt of weighed more than 100 pounds and was about 5ft 4. This woman/killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are the more carolies you burn. That's why all psychos are always skinny.

"Lights out in ten minutes" someone announced over the loudspeaker. I hadnt gone to the bathroom since before I got on the bus and knew I wouldnt be able to hold it in much longer. I had seen an open area that looked like a bathroom near the information booth, which I had made a personal pact with myself to try and avoid. I thought I could hold it if i didnt ingest any liquids.

"Do you want to go to the bathroom together?" I asked the blonde

"Sure" she smiled "I'll go to the bathroom with you, aint nobody gonna bother you"

"Oh im not worried about that" I lied "I play karate, im a black belt".

I wanted to trust the blonde but knew if she had turned on her own mother the chances of her turning on me were pretty strong. I wanted her to know that if it came down to it I could protect myself.

"I've done time before" I added as we headed towards the bathroom.

"Yeah? where?"

I searched my mind trying to think of another prison "Alcatraz"

"Fuck"

"Oh you dont know the half of it" I told her.

There were a few stalls in the bathroom as well as some open seating but I opted for some privacy. I peed for about three minutes straight and when I came out of the stall, my blonde bunky was sitting on a toilet taking a dump.  
"Hold on" she said with her teeth clenched "Im just finishing up"

This was obviously how she stayed so thin. She immediately shit out any food she consumed.

"Hand me some toilet paper"

I grabbed some tissue and handed it to my new best friend. After she wiped her ass, she pulled up her pants and headed back out to the main room. I watched the woman as she mashed a cigarette out on the side of the bed post

"So how did you kill your mother?" I asked trying to make small talk

"With a hammer" she replied "Took the bitch a good 40 minutes to finally die"

I was not prepared for that response. My body immediately went into shock. It took me everything I could to not be sick. The only other time my body had this reaction was when I was 8 years old and my next door neighbour had pulled down his pants showing me his penis. But even then I was less taken aback. I leaned over the side of my bed gagging, but nothing was coming out. I put my hand up to say I was ok until moments later when I finally stopped heaving.

The woman sat on her bed looking at me. I racked my brain trying to come up with an excuse for my reaction, but was so thrown off guard I just put my head back on the pillow "we should deffo stay in touch after i leave tomorrow" I rolled over and cried myself to sleep. I thought about how lucky my mother was that this woman wasnt in our family.

I woke up very early the next morning and opened my eyes. I looked around the room trying to think of a situation that could be any worse than this. I heard my name being called over the loudspeaker along with 5 or 6 others.

"FINALLY" I exclaimed and ran over to the glass booth where the guard was waiting with a clipboard. I stood there while I waited for the other girls who were called to make their way over. 

Once the others arrived, the guard led us out the door, down a hall and down two flights of stairs into what looked like a principals office. My name was called rather quickly and I went into the office, sitting down across from a Latino woman in her forties.

"Hi, I said with a bounce in my step.

"Hi, Clarke?" she said looking up at me with what I took as sympathy. Finally.

"Yup, thats me" I said shaking my head at the injustice of it all.

"Okay, there are a couple of options, do you have any special skills?"

"Skills?" not really no "Im good with a camera and can type pretty fast, im not sure what your asking me?" I asked confused

"Well, your here for work placement, so there are different things to chose from: You could work in the kitchen, or you could work in the industrial shop, where you could make anything from license plates to wooden wind chimes, or you can enroll in school and get your GED"

"What the hell are you talking about??...No no no....im not working here, you dont seem to understand. First of all, i am supposed to be getting bailed out today. I do not want a job making wood chimes or fixing cars, and i already graduated from high school, so i dont need a GED!! I want to go home! I just want to go home! what exactly is the problem with you people??"

"Listen Miss, everyone thinks they are going home. But the reality of the situation is that 85% of people booked here end up spending a minimum of six months atleast, and if you want to start earning money, the best thing to do is get a job"

That was it. I stood up and placed my hands on the desk "Listen up miracle ear" I told her "I am waiting for them to release me any minute, that is the situation. So for all i care, you can put my name down to plant prison flowers or style inmates hair or head up the women's fucking field hockey team. "IM NOT STAYING HERE"

"NEXT?" she said as she shuffled some paperwork. I walked outside the office and sat down. Why wasnt anyone getting the fact that I would not be taking up permanent residence in a women's prison?

They escorted us back and there werent many women here. Apparently it was breakfast time, but I opted to go back to my bunk. I dozed off and was awakened moments later by my bunk friend smacking me in the face "NO! Nooooooooo" I screamed thinking I was about to get shanked of some sort

"Your name Clarke Griffin?. They are calling you to be released. My eyes lit up bigger than the first time I'd seen Lexa naked. I jumped off the bed and started to run towards the booth

"Barbie's going home to her daddy" a large black woman with dreadlocks yelled as I was taken by an officer out of the room and downstairs to an outbooking room, where I was handed a bag of my clothes I came in with.

Twenty minutes later I walked out the doors of Hawaii's County Women's Prison, into the bright sunlight. I wondered who exactly the prison was named after and who she had pissed off in order to have an entire womens prison named after her. I made a mental note to google her later.

I could see Niylah parked at the far end of a circular driveway. Upon seeing her I jumped out and started running towards her with my arms out stretched never being so grateful to see someone in my whole entire life.

"Oh my god Thank you" I exclaimed

 


	19. Chapter 19

Niylah had dropped me off at an office where her sources were dealing with my case to get it diminshed and let me off scot-free. Well with a small cost for my stupidity.

First thing i noticed upon my arrival back at the cottage was a note from Niylah scribbled on a piece of kitchen roll and stuck to my fridge. At first i smiled - writing on kitchen roll was such a Raven thing to do - but once i'd registered what the makeshift message actually said, i felt a little less warm and fuzzy and considerably more queasy.

"I wish she would bloody stop letting herself in here" I muttered, casting my eyes over her scrawl. But in fairness for the strings she just pulled for me i was in no position to feel indignant right now.

The models had arrived. I read it a couple of times over, just to make sure i wasnt missing anything.

_\- Models arrive at 3pm, staying in cottages next 2 u. Pls go and say hi. -_

_\- I have "plans". Meet outside tomorrow @7:00am_

_\- We are shooting with Wells NOT Jaha. DO NOT LET ME DOWN_

_Niylah xx_

_P.S bring camera._

So i was the model welcome wagon. What could Niylah possibly be doing on the island of Oahu that was so important she would trust me to go and deal with the models on my own? especially considering what had just occured in the last 24 hours. On the upside, when i looked over at the sofa, i noticed the badly written message wasnt the only thing Niylah had left in my cottage. Thrown all over the settee was what looked like three suitcases worth of clothes and another note that read "Your wardrobe made me sad". I was insulted. And a little giddy. Niylah's clothes were much nicer than Echo's clothes.

Whilst i was in character, i might as well be in costume. Selecting a pretty blue dress from the pile, i strode purposefully into the bathroom to wash away my 24 hours of hell and prepare for my model evening.

After treating myself to a long steamy shower and a good talking-to, i stood in front of my neighbours cottage and steeled myself. I was in a nice dress, and heavy eyeliner for stronger defintion. My camera didnt exactly go with my outfit but i figured it made a good prop, and if necessary a decent weapon.

With one last worry about my non existent manicure, i rapped on the door and waited. And waited. And waited. One more deep breath and i knocked again. Harder and louder and longer. This time i heard a shuffling noise inside, an awkward rattling lock, and eventually the door swung open to reveal what was either some sort of demon or a very, very angry model.

"WHAT" she snapped, her hair tied up in a topknot and a pair of absurdly big eyes red raw and narrowing right in on me. "Did i not tell you i was going to sleep?"

"Um Aloha" I waved a hand in futile gesture of friendliness "Im Echo"

"Yeah, i definitely told you i was going to sleep" the model nodded, clinging to the door like she might fall down if i took it away. "Can you just fuck off?"

"We havent actually met" I said hurriedly before she could shut the door on me. I pointed at my camera and tried a toothy smile, "Im the photographer. For the shoot. Tomorrow"

"Whatever" she yawned with out covering her mouth. "I've just got off a plane that iv been on for nearly twenty four hours, so unless you want to take pictures of the crypt keeper tomorrow, i suggest you go away and let me sleep.

And with that, she slammed the door.

"Nice to meet you" I said, still holding my hand up in a wave.

All dressed up with nowhere to go, i weighed up my options. I could go for a walk, discover a little more of the island (not that that idea had worked out as planned last time). I could go back to my cottage and edit some photos i'd taken. I could probably find Anya. Or i could go to Lexa's cottage and look at how pretty she was. Life was full of tough choices.

"Where are you taking me?"

I was just about to slink over to Lexa's when i heard Niylah giggling. For no good reason i hid round the corner of the models cottage, pressing up against the wall and peeking out to see who she was talking to.

"I thought we were just going to get dinner?" she was still laughing. "Why do we have to go in a boat?"

"I want to show you something" her dinner date replied. "So just be quiet and get in the boat".

It was Lexa. Niylah was getting in the boat with Lexa. Just like i had got into the boat with Lexa. All at once my heart sank, my face burned and i felt sick to my stomach.

"Im not dressed for a boat" Niylah whined as i watched her climb aboard in a tiny black strappy dress, her high heels in Lexa's hand as she helped her aboard with that half smile i recognized so well on her face.

Oh my God, I was stupid. And in no position to be upset, I reminded myself, as i fought back angry tears. In fact, I was stupid to even be surprised. Of course she has moved onto Niylah. Hadnt she explained all this to me the afternoon before?. Niylah was Mount Everest or something. I wasnt even a hill. Maybe a hillock. Because it rhymed with pillock, and that was what i was. Lexa had planted her flag and moved onto the next expedition.

I stayed exactly where i was until i heard the chug of the boat motor fade away. I didnt want them to see me. I didnt want Lexa to know that, against all my better judgement, I gave a shit. Wiping black tears away from underneath my eyes, i briefly considered knocking on the cottage door again. Death by model might be better than having to look at the two of them across the breakfast table tomorrow. Niylah all loved up, Lexa all smugged up. What a clever girl - she'd managed to bang both of the girls on the job before she'd even met the models. Get the amateurs out of the way before you move on to the professionals, presumably.

Without a plan i stormed up the beach away from the cottages, away from the lights, away from the mess i'd got myself in. Perhapss i could just keep walking until i found a house and claim amnesia. It almost always worked on telly and when did telly ever lie?. I frisked myself for my phone but i'd left it charging by my bed. I was distractionless. No phone, no music, no book, no nothing. Just my stupid brain thinking its stupid thoughts. Maybe i was better off going back to prison. (No that was another one of my stupid thoughts)

"Calm down" I whispered to myself, closing my eyes and breathing deeply. "All that really matters is that you take a good photo tomorrow."

I opened my eyes and felt a stillness that had been missing. Hands clamped onto my Camera, i looked around for a suitable subject. A little way down the bay, sitting next to an unlikely looking surfboard, was Theo. He was too far away to shout to but close enough to snap. He looked deep in thought, I wondered if he was thinking about his wife. Or his job. Or if he was thinking about all of it at once, like me.

"Aloha Echo" he shouted, still staring out at sea. "Get any good pictures?"

"Um, i did actually" I shouted back, walking as quickly as i could on sand to where Theo was still settled. "Sorry. That was really rude of me"

"An artist finds her inspiration in many strange places" he said with a welcoming smile, patting the sand beside him. "And who am i to stand in the way of art?"

"Thank you" i folded my legs underneath me, careful not to show my new old friend my knickers, and nodded towards his board "Been surfing?"

"I have" he nodded "I think it keeps me young. My son thinks it will get him his inheritance sooner. So hows it all going? The photo shoot?"

Wincing, i stroked my camera and shrugged. "I havent actually taken any proper pictures yet. There's been a bit of a cock up with the job and so we're waiting for everyone to sort it out. I'm supposed to do the shoot with some models tomorrow and im bricking it.

"Oh?"

"I have a confession" I rested my camera on my bare knees "I havent actually ever done a photoshoot before."

"So you really havent been back in the photography game for long?"

"Not that long no" I looked at the screen on the back of the camera and flicked through the shots of Theo. It was easier than looking him in the eye. "I was in advertising. And i lost my job. And now im here."

"You didnt want another job in advertising?"

"Um, this came up quite suddenly" I said, not strictly lying. "So i thought i'd give it a shot, no pun intended".

"Let me see those pictures" he held out his hand for the camera

"Did you love your old job?" he asked "Were you good at it?"

"I loved it" I said "And i was sooo good at it. But i was made redundant. No reasoning behind it. It didnt make any sense".

"Well thats hard" he replied with a thoughtfull look "I do understand how you must be feeling"

"Its just shaken me a bit" I admitted "I've always known what i've wanted. Or thought i did. There was a plan. Now i dont know".

"Perhaps its time for a new plan" Theo suggested "Maybe it was just time for a change and you didnt realize. I know i said this the other day, but your pictures are really very good. You've a talent Echo - You're a very bright girl.

"I dont feel very bright at the moment" I took my camera back

"I feel like that all the time - everyone does. You'd think things would get easier as you get older, but they dont"

"Have you made a complete idiot of yourself over a significant other as well?" I rested my head on my knees "Its so embarassing".

"This significant other? Not someone back at home?" he asked. I nodded. "Holiday romance then?"

"Something like that" i replied "I thought i could do the whole fling thing, but turns out i cant. For some reason i keep thinking i can do things and then it turns out i cant".

"Im probably not very good at giving young ladies advice on the modern day relationship" Theo said patting my shoulder in an awkward dad way that was odly reassuring. "But i cant see what good it is doing you walking up and down the beach at sunset crying over someone after a few days".

"I know you're right" I said, looking up and running a finger under each eye. Why was today the day i'd decided to wear a heavy load of eyeliner?. "Im just being stupid. Maybe im still jet-lagged or i have pinapple poisoning or something. Its probably just me being stupid though"

"Never call yourself stupid" he said, looking stern. "What would your father tell you to do?"

"I honestly dont know" I shrugged "He passed away when i was quite young, this watch is all i have left of him"

"I am sorry" Theo said with sympathy "I didnt talk to my son for a long time, he was always much closer to his mother and after his mother died we didnt seem to have an awful lot to say to each other. It isnt easy being a parent, but its not easy being the child sometimes either, isit?"

I was starting to think i might be missing the bigger picture. My life had been so tiny and so utterly consumed by Finn and my work that i'd let everything else slip past me without even noticing. Now sitting here on the beach with my stand in father figure a million miles from home, it was much easier to see that what had really changed in all this was me.

"Ahh look at that" Theo sighed as the sun finally dipped below the horizon, blending the pretty teal sea into the deep, dark blue sky. "Beautiful. How can you be sad when we're looking at that? Now, lets see if we can put a smile back on that face."

"Im just being stupid" I looked up at the sky, already streaked with red and pink and dotted with stars starting to sparkle. My head was beginning to hurt from too much thinking. "Like you said, its only been a couple of days. How upset can i really be over someone i've known a couple of days?"

"I asked my wife to marry me a week after we met"

"You proposed after a week? I blew a stray stand of hair away from my face and smiled "Thats incredible. You just knew? both of you?"

"Well she didnt say yes right away" he laughed "She said she never met someone who made her so angry and so happy at the same time" he said with a wistful smile.

"Isnt it a bad thing when someone makes you angry?"

"She was my best friend, doesnt mean we always agreed on everything. But we understood each other. She brought out the best in me, challenged me to keep going. You've got to have that spark, that little kick, otherwise it gets boring".

I wrinkled my nose and wondered whether or not he was right. Raven had always said relationships didnt work if you were too much alike. But thats what made me love Finn. He knew everything about me and i knew everything about him. We were the perfect fit. But now with Lexa... I couldnt think of anyone who made me mad so easily. She clearly thought she was more intelligent than I was, that she knew better than i did, that she was some sort of sexual supergirl. But i wanted her so badly. The idea of her and Niylah together at the waterfall made my skin crawl. I could live with knowing she wasnt mine, but the idea of her being with someone else, right now was another thing altogether. I looked down at my hands, curled into tight little fists. All the better to punch her with.

"I do like you Echo" Theo said, giving me another blast of his blooming laugh "You're a little odd, like all the best people"

"Thank you" I laughed back and felt myself relax just a fraction.

"You'll be fine tomorrow. You know you will. You're definitely someone who doesnt walk away from something until its right, i can tell" he said "It takes a perfectionist to know one".

"I... I dont know. I've had so muh stuff go wrong lately. I really, really need this to go well. Its like, if i can get this right, maybe everything else will be all right as well. If i can just make one thing perfect. I can get the rest of my life back on track".

"Thats a lot of pressure to put on one photograph" He said "I dont want to worry you but im not entirely sure that the way life goes."

"Well in that case" I said "Lets just hope the models dont tear me to tiny pieces". I blushed. I wished there was a wisdom of Theo app for my iphone i could play whenever i got a bit down.

"Now i've got to go and see a man about a dog" he said jumping up and yanking his surfboard out of the sand. "Have a lovely evening Echo. I do believe this chat has given us both quite a lot to think about"

He was not wrong.


	20. Chapter 20

Starving, emotionally exhausted and without a drop of booze in the entire cottage, I called the main house in search of something to eat and lots of things to drink, but instead of sending me down dinner, they sent me down fairy gaymother. Fifteen minutes later, Anya had selected me an outfit from clothes Niylah had left, brushed my hair into loose waves and waited patiently while i applied as much make up as i knew how. If i was going to hag it up in Hawaii, i was going to do it properly. I knew i'd achieved the look we were going for when i emerged from the bedroom to a double thumbs up and a jaw drop from Anya.

"You look like a princess" she confirmed, hurrying me out the door. My black lace dress was so short i was fairly certain you could see where babies came from.

"Where are we going?" I asked pressing my nose against the glass of the black town car she bundled me into as we cruised out of Jaha's giant gate and onto the open road.

"Waikiki" Anya replied. "My job is to keep you entertained, and i cant think of anything more entertaining than filling you up with cocktails and seeing what happens".

I made myself laugh. I didnt care what Niylah and Lexa got up to. I just wished Lexa's clit would shrivel up and fall off.

"Waikiki is famous for its beach. Its where the majority of Hawaii's tourists visit and where most of the nightlife is on the island.

"Sounds good to me" I said shaking out my long, loose waves.

"Now tell me everything that's happening with Miss Woods" Anya leaned across the small, glass topped table and opened her wide eyes. "Should i be picking my maid-of-honor dress yet?"

"Before i start lying, can i ask whether or not there are security cameras in the cottages?" I graoned. Her big eyes lit up and her fluffly eyelashes fluttered.

"Two Mai Tais, please?" Anya ordered before our waiter could even open his mouth. "They're both for you. Now, tell me everything."

"I dont really know where to start" I drummed my fingers against the table and looked to the heavens for an answer. They presented me with a clear black sky bedazzled with the brightest stars i'd ever seen, but they did not provide an answer. Bastards. "Its all such a great big pile of bollocks".

We were sitting at some swanky hotel pool bar by a beautiful marina in the center or Waikiki, as if Jaha, his barbie dream house, Lexa, Niylah, the waterfalls, the models, all of it didnt exist. When you couldnt see the mountains, the flowers and the fruit and the endless miles of beach. Anya took my silence with good humor for all of seventeen seconds, letting me soak in the ambience of the bar and the marina before she could be quiet no longer.

"Echo, have you had sex with her or not?" The world literally exploded out of her, attracting the attention of at least four neighbouring tables. "Because, yes, we do have security videos, but do not make me look at them. I dont want to see anything i dont have myself."

"Good news, everyone" I announced to my new friends at the other tables. "I have had sex with her".

"Is she hot?" an Australian girl with short blonde hair sitting two tables away asked loudly.

"She's SO hot" Anya replied before i could.

"Good on you girly" She held up her drink in a toast. "Give her one for me"

Where were my Mai Tais? I really wanted a drink.

"Ok, so you've hit that" Anya slapped the table to regain my attention. "And while i will be needing each and every dirty detail, it seems as though you're conflicted. For what reason i cannot even possible begin to imagine. Whats going on?"

It almost felt as though i was back on the sofa at home with Raven. Anya had this amazing ability to make me feel comfortable, despite the fact that half the bar was still discussing my recent lesbian sexual interlude. And so for no good reason, i told her everything. Everything about Lexa anyway.

"Its so weird" I said gratefully accepting my drink, immediately inhaling the wedge of pineapple off the side and gulping down half the glass. I could not get drunk. I had to take photos of models in twelve hours. But one or two would be good - calm my nerves, help me sleep.

"I genuinely wasnt interested that first night at dinner, i was like, yeah, she's attractive, but she's such a twat, I didnt fancy her" I sucked on my straw. "Right, Ok, i fancied her, but i didnt have designs on her".

I felt myself making air quotes around the word designs and stopped myself right away. It was an Old Clarke thing to do.

"Clearly at some point you developed designs" She said, copying my air quotes. "What changed?"

"I've had a load of really shitty stuff happening at home" I said. I felt that covered losing my job, shagging my best friend, telling him i loved him, him telling me he didnt love me, finding out he'd shagged my awful flatmate and then assuming her identity and stealing her job. "And i dont know - she got under my skin. And when i snapped, she was there. So i kissed her."

"You kissed her?" Anya squealed "Just like that? Just kissed her?"

"Yes" It clearly sounded just as unlikely to me as it did to her. Probably more so. Here was someone who had met a me a few days ago, and the only solid facts she had to go on while weighing me up was that I had shagged a complete stranger I was supposed to be working with and I really liked drinking cocktails. I was actually doing a much better job of being Echo than i could have anticipated.

"And then what? Why is it a problem? Or rather, why is it a great big pile of bollocks?"

"Because its just sex" I could barley say the words. It really was a miracle that i'd actually been able to do it in the first place. "It is purely physical"

"But you like her?" Anya said.

"I dont know" I replied being as honest as i could possibly be. "Because i thought i loved someone else."

"Ah" She winced. "I see"

"And, im fairly sure" - I sighed heavily and downed the rest of my drink. It was practically just juice. I could barely taste any alcohol at all - "She's shagging Niylah as well".

"What makes you think that?" She made the same concerned face as Raven. Half, Clarke, Im listening, and half, Clarke, are you being a paranoid psycho again?

"Just because they're not home doesnt mean they're shagging".

"No, but she basically told me she was planning to sleep with her, and then i saw them getting into the boat together.

"So Niylah likes Miss woods? that doesnt mean Miss Woods likes Niylah. I'm sure they were just......doing something".

"Doing something?" I quirked an eyebrow so high i heard it ping off the moon.

"Something else" she qualified. "Work related. But more importantly, you saw them together and you were jealous?"

I half shook my head, half shrugged "I didnt say that"

"Oh, you were". She purred the last word as though she was the cat who got the cream. "So even though its just sex and you think you are in love with someone else, you dont like the idea of her being with someone else. Interesting"

"No it isnt" I said even though it clearly was.

"We'll put a pin in that" She pinched her shoulders and moved on. "What exactly did Niylah tell you about Miss Woods?"

"That she likes her, that Lexa's a professional shagger, that im a horrible person for sleeping with her when she likes her" I replied "I added that last part".

The waiter sauntered back towards our table, yawned loudly and picked up my empty glass.

"Could i have another please?" I asked politely as possible.

He looked at me, looked at Anya and walked away without answering.

"Everyone here is an asshole" Anya said, just loudly enough for the waiter to hear. Not that he reacted. I assumed he was either really high, really rude or semi-lobotomized. "But they really do have the best cocktails. When we're smashed, we'll go across the street to the horrible dive bar and sing karaoke".

"I cant get smashed" I said with a tiny hiccup that hardly supported my argument. "I've got the shoot tomorrow".

"You'll be fine" She promised. I wont let you get too wasted. But back to the story"

"You dont think im a horrible person for sleeping with Lexa when i knew Niylah liked her?"

"I dont think we're in the tenth grade, so i dont think it matters. They're not together, she didnt cheat, you didnt cheat. And i think if a woman that hot was coming on to me and make no mistake about it Echo, she was coming onto you at dinner on Monday night; I was there, i saw - then i think someone would have to hit me with a truck to stop me sleeping with her".

But i still couldnt shake the thought that i had cheated on Niylah. I knew she'd be pissed, especially after the real Echo had boffed her ex. I was becoming altogether too good at playing in my part.

"It sounds like your baby box is lonely. It needs a friend and i think you should let Lexa be that friend".

"You remind me so much of Raven" I laughed "She would agree with you".

Speak of the devil and she showed her horns. I peered inside my bag to see my phone lit up with two missed called and a voicemail from my best friend. I wanted to call her back right away, but i didnt want to be rude to Anya. Placing my bag back on the table, i decided i would call Raven in the morning. She would understand.

"Raven's not the best friend you slept with right?"

"Nope" I said. These cocktails were the best. "She's amazing. I love her".

"You love everyone" Anya flapped a hand at me. "You'll be proposing to me next".

"One more of these and i will" I agreed. "So tell me more about this karaoke bar".

"What are you going to sing?" I shouted as loudly as i possibly could over a group of three Japanese tourists merrily murdering an Adele song. The karaoke bar was everything Anya had promised. Dark, dingy and more importantly, attached to a twenty four hour diner. While i was fine with my frozen pineapple daiquiri for the time being, it was good to know that i was never more than seven minutes away from some bacon.

"I dont know" Anya wailed back "I dont want to be cliche"

"What do you want to be" I asked

"Fabulous?" she suggested, complete with jazz hands. "Obviously"

"You're such a cliche" I said with a half hug. "Just bust out some Cher and be done with it".

I left her pouring over the song book and took myself for a wander around the bar. Not taht there was that much bar to wander around. Sipping on a neon-pink straw and bobbing my head to the music, such as it was, I tiptoed through the group of sunburned American tourists chugging beers and the not-at-all sunburned Australians chatting away to some happy-looking locals while a group of Japanese men in suits and loosened ties studied another copy of the massive song book. I found an empty bar stool and decided it was time for a sit down. Nana was tired. And a bit tipsy.

"But only a bit" I said out loud to a passing cocktail waitress with a pretty blue flower behind her ear. What had Lexa said about flowers? I couldnt remember. Not that it mattered. "What does Lexa know?"

"Sorry?" An exceptionally tall, exceptionally blond and if you liked the square jawed six pack surfer type, exceptionally good-looking man sat down on the bar stool next to me. "Lexa?"

"She's a complete twat" I confided in my new friend

"Right" The guy laughed. He held out his strong hand an i shook it "Im......" I paused and looked off to the left. "Echo?"

"Is that a made up name?" he asked "You dont sound so sure about it"

"Its not made up" I shook my head and almost immediately fell off my stool. I covered up with a cough and casually slipped back up onto the pleather upholstery. "Its definitely my name".

"All right then" He shifted his whole body to face me and leaned one very brown elbow on the bar "Whats that you're drinking? can i buy you another?" He asked interrupting my chain of thought. "Echo?" He leaned in a little closer.

"That" I poked him gently in the shoulder "Is my name".

"Ok then" Despite the slightly troubled look on his face, he turned to the bartender and ordered two more daiquiris.

"So what brings you to Hawaii Echo? are you a surfer?"

"I am not" I confirmed

"Right" He took a deep breath in "Im a surfer myself. Chasing the waves. Waikiki has the best waves in the world".

"Isnt the best surf up on the north shore?" I asked, not exactly sure how i knew that. "And isnt it better in winter?"

"Uh, nah, definitely down here" He pushed my drink towards me and held his up in a toast "To Hawaii".

"Hawaii" I repeated, searching my memory for banks for the source of my stellar surfing knowledge. Was it from Hawaii five - 0? 90210? Point break? Finn loved point break. But no.....

"Oh thats my friend" I buzzed into life and pointed at the stage with teenage girl excitment as Anya took the mic. "I came with her"

"Came with her?" He raised a concerned eyebrow. Also blond. Pierced. Again, very sexy.

"Oh no, we arnt together, she is gay though so your out of luck there buddy"

"Well its not her i want". Before i could decide how i felt about it, i watched him place his large, tanned hand on my thigh. My eyes travelled slowly up his arm, across his broad, tight T shirt covered chest and up to his handsome face. I stopped and breathed for a moment. It shouldnt have been so hard to think clearly - I'd barely had anything to drink. Or at least i couldnt remember having had that much to drink. Maybe i'd lost track once me and Anya had started on the shots whilst she told me about her ex burlesque dancer.

"Echo" He squeezed my thigh a little bit higher up than i was entirely comfortable with. "How about we finish these drinks and get out of here? I reckon your mate can do without you, dont you think?"

I was torn. Clarke would make an awkward excuse, go to the bathroom and try to sneak off home. Echo would have gone to the bathroom as well but only to take off her knickers and save him a job in the taxi.

"I dont feel very well" I replied, slipping off the stool with all the grace of a drugged monkey and pushing people out of the way until i got to the ladies room. I dug through my handbag, spilling lip balms and old receipts and sticks of chewing gum all over the floor, trying to find my phone. I saw it light up and pulled it out. I had four missed calls from Raven. Backing into a stall and flapping at the lock at the same time, I sat down on the toilet seat and pressed redial. I needed to hear her voice.

"Thank fuck for that" she yelled "I thought you were dead!"

Maybe i didnt need to hear her voice.

"What are you doing? you were supposed to call me every day?" She didnt even pause for breath. "Whats going on? Are you in prison?"

"Dont even go there" I replied "I'm in a Karaoke bar" I whispered as loudly as i dared. I was suddenly gripped with the fear that guy would come into the toilets looking for me. "Are you ok?"

"Why cant i hear karaoke then?" Raven wanted her own questions answered before she got to mine. "Hmmm?"

"Because im in the toilets?" I offered "Im hiding from a man. My friend is singing Whitney"

"Friend?" she was immediately suspicious. "Is this the hot girl?

"Yes, but not my hot girl"

"And where is your hot gal?"

"She's not my hot gal, Im out with Anya, she works here"

I pressed my entire face against the cold metal of the toilet stall and sighed. It felt lovely. And then i remembered I was in a toilet stall and that was disgusting. I rubbed at my cheek with toilet paper and made a very unattractive face. I was almost definitely going to throw up.

"Raven, I've got to go" I said now desperate to puke "I'll call you later"

"You wont though" she wailed "Talk to me now. I miss you"

"Raven, seriously" I retched as delicately as possible and crashed forward, kneeling on the floor and trying to wheel around in the tiny cubicle. "I've got to go, I'll call you later. I love you"

I just managed to get my phone back in my bag an pull my hair up behind my head before i let out a spectacular technicoloured yawn into the toilet bowl. Sitting back against the metal partition, I panted, dabbing delicately at my mouth with toilet paper.

"Lexa told me about the surf" I told the little white toilet paper dispenser, my voice full of awe. "She told me that afternoon at the waterfall."

"Of course she did" the toilet dispenser said back to me in a squeaky judgemental voice "Because Lexa knows everything". I leaned over the toilet and threw up once more, rinsed out my mouth at the tap and gave a very confused-looking Hawaiian woman a very serious nod on my way out.

"Mahalo" I whispered. Back in the bar, Anya was still on stage. The crowd didnt seem terribly enthused with her performance, which as far as i could tell was quite good. Then i realized i had been in the toilets for fifteen minutes and she was singing a different song. Anya had taken the stage and was not giving it back.

"Hey Echo"

Someone reached out and grabbed my arm. "I wondered where you'd gone". He loosened his grip slightly but did not let go. I did not like it "Where were you?"

"Throwing up" I answered. He let go of my arm. "I think i should go home".

"Fuck it, lets go back to mine" he tightened his grip again and hopped off his stool "Come on"

"I dont want to go back to yours" I said, shaking my arm loose. "Get off"

"She said get off" a voice boomed across the room, backed by a keyboard version of "Girls just wanna have fun". "Dont make me come over there".

"Yeah right" He said with a widely unattractive snigger. "Dyke"

"What did you just call me?" Anya tossed the mic down on the stage and was across the bar in a heartbeat. Before the Six-foot something could react in anyway, Anya had him bent backwards over the bar with a fistful of T-shirt in one hand and a fistful of punches in the other. She paused for a moment and then released her grip. She slipped her arm through mine and with the entire bar watching in complete silence, minus the Copacabana sound track, we moseyed on out of the bar.

"How does the word McDonald's make you feel right now? Im friking starving"

"I did a sick" I tried to whisper but i didnt seem to have a lot of control over my volume. "But that sounds very nice"

"Fucking fags" I heard that guy mutter from the floor as we walked away. Pressing my hands down on Anya to help calm her, I held up one finger, turned back into the bar and delivered one very firm, very direct kick straight to his balls. The entire bar winced in unison.

I pulled my hair over one shoulder and returned to an admiring look from Anya.

"So you were saying something about McDonalds?"

 


	21. Chapter 21

I was halfway through my second McChicken sandwich, curled up in the back of a big black limo and cruising along the starlit costaline, when Anya stopped slurping down her strawberry milkshake, carefully folded the empty cardboard box that had held her deep fried banana pie, and thew it directly into my face.

"ECHO" She shouted

"Yes?"

"You have to be one of my favourite guests ever to visit the estate" Anya announced with some ceremony. "You've been here for no time, you've already banged a hot girl, thrown up out of a moving vehicle and kicked a hot guy in the balls. You are a superstar. Im totally going to add you on facebook".

"Oh, im not on facebook" I said, lying so smoothly even i believed me. "I hate that stuff".

"Total superstar" She said with absolute certainty. "I wish i had your appetite for life. Its not like i've had a bad life" Anya mused staring out of the darkened glass. "I love my job, i love my home, i love singing karaoke until people shout at me. But you know i kind of wish i'd done more. I wish i had as much confidence in myself as you have".

"Me?" I stopped to look around the car. There had to be someone else she was talking to, surely.

"Absolutely" She looked as though whatever she was getting at was obvious. "You jet around the world taking photos in glamorous locations, a gorgeous lover here, a gorgeous lover there, heartbreak at home and love on the horizon. You're fun, smart and cute. Add in feisty kick to the nuts and you've got one hell of a woman.

"That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me" I replied with a sniff. Shame it was all a load of bollocks. "But really, three hundred and sixty days out of the year, im just your normal boring girl standing in the kitchen eating dairylea triangles in front of the fridge because she cant be arsed to decide what to make for dinner".

"I dont know what a dairylea triangle is" she said "And i dont care to. I do have one question though"

"Which is?"

"Aside from him being a rapey, homophobic asshole, how come you didnt make out with the hot guy in the bar?"

"Thats not reason enough?" I asked

"I saw you talking to him for quite a while. How come you didnt just pounce like the sex panther i know you are"

"I actually dont know, there was just something bothering me. Bar hook ups have never really been the thing that floats my boat".

"Because you're a smitten kitten for the boy back home?" she asked "Or because you're a smitten kitten for Miss Woods?"

"I dont know" i replied

"Interesting" Anya took a sip from the biggest Diet Coke I had ever seen and wriggled her eyebrows. "Very interesting"

Somewhere between my second fried chicken sandwhich i passed out in the back of the limo and didnt stir until the door i was leaning against opened abruptly and i tumbled out onto the soft fresh grass.

"Im awake" I yelped as Anya hauled me to my feet. "But i think i might die. What time is it?"

"You wont die" she promised, even though she didnt sound entirely sure. "And its not even two a.m. You really are a lightweight".

"I love you too" I smiled and pawed her face. My hands were sticky. She did not smile back. "I like it when you sing and everyone else hates you".

"Thats almost 50% compliment" she replied "Oh, look at this"

I wasnt sure what i was supposed to be looking at, given that i was far to busy trying to put one foot in front of the other until i was in my bed. Really I was more tired than drunk, but neither was a great look on me.

"And what have you two been up?"

With a very loud sigh, i rolled my head off Anya's shoulder, opened my eyes and groaned. Lexa. She was sitting on the white wooden chair in front of my door, battered paperback book in hand, still in the same clothes i'd seen her wearing earlier that evening when she was getting into a boat with Niylah.

"Oh God" I muttered under my breath "Piss off"

"Miss Woods" Anya resumed her calm professional manner sticking an elbow in my ribs. "Could you possibly help me with the door? Echo is a little fatigued this evening".

"So i see" she replied. I couldnt bring myself to look at her face, but that annoying bemused tone was back in her voice. "Rough day Echo?"

"I've already kicked one person in the genitals tonight. Give me a reason to make it two. Please"

"You know what Anya, I can take it from here" Against my will, i felt Lexa take me out of Anya's arms and scoop me up like a rag doll. "I'll make sure Echo gets to bed".

"Of course" she replied "Goodnight Echo, I'll bring coffee with your wake up call".

"Bring drugs" I felt my entire body roll with nausea "Hard drugs".

"I've been waiting out here for hours" She said pushing through my door straight into the bedroom. "Why didnt you answer your phone?"

"You didnt call my phone?" I said "I had it with me all night"

"I called you three times and left a message" She set me down on the bed and pushed my hair back off my face. "What is all this shit in your hair?"

"McFlurry" I flapped my hands at her to push her away. Ahhh, bed. sweet, wonderful bed. "You did not call me"

"Echo, i did call you" Lexa looked stern. "Your voicemail sounds weird"

Oh dear. Oh dear me.

"How did you get my number?" I asked, already knowing the answer. Oh dear-dear-dear

"From the call sheet" she said pulling off my shoes. Lexa was right - she had called Echo. But she hadnt called me. And now her dead blackberry, sitting on her nightstand back home was full of voicemails from a girl in Hawaii trying to have sex with her. Or me. I couldnt help but think even she would be a bit confused by that. Its not like she was a stranger to the booty call, but a girl in Hawaii she'd never met before? That was really pushing the envelope, even for Echo.

"Oh" it was very hard to think fast enough to cover my tracks. Or think at all. "That phone is not here."

"Its an old number?" Lexa asked coming up with an obvious solution that i couldnt quite manage "An old phone?"

"Yes" I patted her leg and smiled. Clever girl. "Old number. Night night"

And with that rolled face first into my pillows and closed my eyes.

"Dont you think you should probably, i dont know wash that mess out of your hair before you go to sleep? Or have a shower?" she suggested, pinching my toes. "You'll never get it out in the morning."

"Theres nothing in my hair" I said from within my pillowy sanctuary. "Go away"

"Looks like booze, but it could be puke, im not sure" she replied "You will literally never get it out if you dont wash it now. Come on"

Once again against my will, Lexa picked me up and carried me into the bathroom. I could hear myself making reluctant mewing noises, but i didnt fight her. Because i couldnt. I had zero energy.

She sat me down on the chair in the bathroom and started running the hot tap.

"Maybe take your make up off as well" Lexa said holding a white wash cloth under the running water. "You look as though a very angry toddler has been at your face with a pack of felt tips".

I looked in the mirror. She was right. "Yeah, well im not Niylah, so blah blah blah". I wrinkled my nose and pulled my head backwards everytime she tried to rub the warm flannel on my skin. It was too hot but i didnt have enough control of my vocabulary to tell her that.

"So blah?" she persevered with the flannel, tendely wiping away whatever make up was left underneath my eyes. "What are you on about?"

"You and Niylah" I wiped my eyes dry with the backs of my sticky hands so i could look at her properly. "You went to the waterfall with her".

"No I didnt" she said, rubbing the dirty marks off the back of my paws "Seriously, what have you been drinking?"

"You got in the boat with her - i saw you" I said grabbing the flannel from her and scrubbing at my face until it was both ice cream free and red raw. "So why are you here?"

"I did get in the boat with her" She agreed "But we didnt go to the waterfall. She wanted to go for some ridiculous romantic place for dinner, but because i didnt want to lead her on, i suggested a boat ride".

"Oh, because a boat ride around Hawaii isnt romantic, isit?" I said, pressing my palms to my cheeks.

"Not when i know she gets seasick" she replied "We were on a job together once in Croatia and everyone went on this boat thing at the end, but she spend the entire trip with her head over the side. I know it was a dick move but i didnt want to piss her off".

"You couldnt just say "Sorry Niylah, not interested" and move on?" I looked in the mirror over her shoulder. I appeared to be doing a pretty good impression of Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone. Sort of ruined my credibility in the conversation. "You had to propose a lovely sunset boat trip?

"Well, theres every chance im not thinking straight at the moment" she snapped. "What with sitting around waiting for Jaha to give me an interview, not knowing whether im coming or going when it comes to you, not to mention not even knowing where im going to be living next week. Im sorry if my shit solution to my awkward problem doesnt work for you."

"What do you mean you dont know whether you're coming or going when it comes to me?" I released my left cheek. Ow-ow-motherfucking-ow. I must of caught the sun at the beach earlier.

"Lets not have this conversation right now" Lexa's tone shifted immediately. She laid her hands over mine and leaned towards me until our noses were almost touching "Lets not have any conversation right now".

I closed my eyes and parted my lips, just ever so slightly. She smelled good. She felt warm. Through the warm, fuzzy rumhaze my body reacted and suddenly woke up. Luckily so did my brain.

"No" I said sharply pushing her away. I tried to stand up but was too confident in my abilities and immediately fell back down onto the chair.

"Come to bed Echo. I've been thinking about you all evening. I think i might actually be going mad".

"No" I repeated, looking at the floor. I wasnt sure i was going to be able to stick to my guns if i had actually looked at her. The shock of the pretty was still too powerful. "You're sad and im sad and you dont"

"All right, you're just not making sense now" she said. "Lets just get you into bed and ill leave you in peace, Ok?"

"I can get myself into bed" I replied slapping her hands off me as she tried to pull me upright. "You're not in charge of me. You dont know best. You're not my girlfriend. You're not anything"

"You are a fun drunk" she groaned directing me towards the bedroom. "Fingers crossed you're a forgetful one. You're not going to feel good about this in the morning".

"You're not going to feel good about this in the morning" I repeated. As insults went, it wasnt my best of the evening. Eventually i gave up and let her walk me back towards the bed. I was shattered. "You think you can just do it and it'll be fine because your gorgeous and clever and blah blah blah, but its stupid because you dont love me and its stupid. You shouldnt have sex with people you dont love because they love you and then everyone is sad and you're sad. And stupid".

"Is this even about me?" Lexa yanked the cover off the bed and plonked me onto the mattress. "Or is this about your friend back home? because i genuinely have no idea what you're on about now. Do you want some water?"

"Not Finn" I said pulling a most attractive face. I wrestled with my dress, trying to pull it over my head gracefully, but the tiny fraction of my brain that was sober and awake knew that ship had already sailed. "We dont talk about Finn".

"His name is Finn then?" I heard a zip unfastening and then felt my dress whizzing over my head. Oh it had a zip. Lexa dropped the dress onto the floor and draped the covers over me. "Im going to get you some water and you're going to drink it all. Then you're going to sleep, right?"

"I might be sick" I said in a tiny voice. All the fight had gone out of me, and when i closed my eyes the room spun round and round and round.

"You wont be sick" Lexa sighed, kissing my forehead before disappearing off into the kitchen "I promise"

She hadnt even started running the tap before i realized that was not a promise that she could possible be expected to keep. Because i was absolutely positively about to be sick. with new found energy i pushed away the covers, scrambled into the bathroom and managed to lose my entire late night snak into the toilet before she realized what was happening. I flushed quickly not wanting Lexa to see and sat sweating on cold tiles.

"Well" Lexa stood in the bathroom doorway, glass of water in one hand, bottle of advil in the other. Damp, pale and red eyed i looked up at her and sniffed. Tall, tanned and hopelessly striking, she looked down at me and smiled. I could have been mistaken but it even seemed to be a real smile that made it all the way up to her eyes. "Feel better?"

I shrugged and held my hand out for the water "Sip it" she ordered, passing me two advil "Bed?"

"Bed" I confirmed handing the glass back and letting her help me to my feet without struggling "I want to go to sleep"

We walked back to the bed in silence, Lexa turning out the lights and holding my hand until i was safely off my feet and in the bed. I lay in the semi darkness watching her unzip her shorts and step out of them. She pulled her T-shirt over her head and laid both things carefully on the back of my leather chair.

"Im staying to make sure you're ok" she said pulling the covers back on the opposite side of the bed. I rolled over to look at her with big watery eyes. Oh the crazy emotional rollercoaster that was a night on the lash. "Im not going to try to have sex with you because im sad".

"Im sorry" I whispered "I dont know what im doing"

"Neither do I" Lexa said stroking her fingers through my hair "Neither do I"


	22. Chapter 22

In all of my days, i'd never been a good drinker. The first time i'd ever got properly wasted was at Uni. A sophisticated combination of Malibu and lemonade cocktails mixed with shots of tequila led to my first ever puking in the park extravaganza. The only reason i knew that i'd passed out in the toilets with my knickers around my ankles after dancing on the bar and singing "Oops!... I did it again" by Britney over and over was because Raven took lots and lots of photos. I lost the will to live and she lost a shoe. So it shouldnt have been such a surprise that i woke up with a headache that felt like it could only be cured by a guillotine.

Prising one eye open, i turned off an alarm i didnt remember setting and rolled carefully over to squint at my empty bed. Wasnt there someone else in it when i fell asleep? I was almost certain i hadnt imagined Lexa nurse-maiding. I peered under the covers to see that my underwear was still safely on and even though i felt like i might actually just die at any second i did have both my eyes open and seemingly full control of all my faculties.

Slowly the events of the night started to come back. Cocktails, Anya, Karaoke, McDonalds, shouting, puking and then sleeping. Yep, Lexa had definitely been in my bed before. And now she'd vanished. What a shock. I just wished i could remember the pertinent details of our conversation aside from my yelling, her sighing and my throwing up. I had a nagging feeling we had discussed something important - i just didnt know what it was.

When i regained the ability to focus properly, i looked at the several missed calls from Raven, as well as three voicemails. I stuck my phone back on charge.

"Aloha, Echo?"

From the bathroom i heard a knock at the front door, followed by a familiar voice. I grabbed onto the bathroom sink while washing my hands and retched.

"I have coffee and breakfast, and many headache remedies"

The look on Anya's face when i appeared in the doorway was priceless

"Are you dying?" she asked "Did you and Miss Woods do the crack after i left?"

"I think i just shouted at her a lot and threw up" I said staggering over to the coffee. I had no idea if i would keep it down. "Thanks for this"

"No problem" she took a short step backwards "The cars are leaving for the shoot in forty-five minutes. Are you going to be ok? i feel dreadful"

She felt dreadful? Wait what? cars? It took me a moment before it dawned on me. The shoot was actually happening. Oh dear god.

"I will not be ok" I said pouring the coffee and trying to supress the rising panic "But il be dressed and holding a camera and hoping somehow this thing gets cancelled again today".

"Sadly i dont think you are going to be so lucky" She said heaping three giant spoons of sugar into my cup "It would seem Niylah and Wells have decided to press ahead without Mr Jaha"

"Brilliant" I muttered "Well its not like i havent got this far on horrible decisions, is it? who knows, i might be a better photographer when im hammered".

Once i was certain i could keep the coffee down, i drank it as quickly as i could and chased it with a sip of water and two headache tablets. After scrubbing myself down and cleaning my teeth for seventeen minutes, i plaited my hair, pulled on my jeans, a little black T-shirt and my converse, then carefully applied as much mascara as my eyelashe would hold.

"Look at you" Anya declared when i reappeared in the kitchen

"Are the cars here?"

"They are" she said craning her neck to look out the window. "You are with Niylah. The models are in together and i'll be travelling with Wells.

"You're coming?" i asked. She nodded "Im so glad. If i go missing at all, can you just tell everyone im dead"

"Sure thing" she replied "You'll be fine - your just a little hungover. Everyones professional here. Whats the worst that could happen?"

"OH MY GOD" this is a complete fucking disaster" Niylah buried her face in her hands and stifled a scream "Tell me this isnt happening"

Turns out i really shouldnt of been worried about my hangover. What i should of been worried about was an unforecast tropical storm, a model so doped up on whatever sleep aids she'd taken she couldnt stand up straight, a wardrobe selection so horrifying they made Lady Gaga's stage costumes look too conservative, and a location that had seeminly forgotten we were coming.

By 11am i was still in the back of the SUV drinking my fifth cup of coffee and i hadnt even taken my camera out of its bag. Apart from to take a picture of an obese man in a neon orange fannypack. You didnt see a sight like him often.

"I dont know what to do" Niylah whispered at me, her face fearful and tear stained. She was stuck in the back of a car with no location, an amateur photographer, a stoned model and a middle aged man who bad brought half of RuPauls wardrobe.

"I have an idea" Anya said looking up at the grey sky. "Wait just a moment"

"Not friking going anywhere am i?" she muttered pulling out her ipad and scrolling madly up and down an email inbox.

"What did you get up to last night?" I asked, adding a little yawn to show how casual i was about the question. I didnt quite know whether or not to believe Lexa's version of events when she'd shown up at my doorstep. I had to assume things hadnt gone to Niylah's plans. "Anything fun?"

"I dont really want to talk about it right now" she said looking up at me. "Can we get dinner tonight? If i dont kill myself and everyone on the shoot?"

"Absolutely" I promised "Can you make mine a quick death"

"I have a solution" Anya opened the door with a big smile. "My friend is the events manager at the Royal Hawaiian. They have a space we can use. It might take a little creativity, but we have a location".

Our blonde model had woken up from her sleeping pill haze, and if it were in anyway possible was behaving even worse than she had during our brief meeting the night before. She swore at the local make up artist, she gave me the finger when i went to say hi, and she actually hissed at Niylah. Hissed like an angry cat

"Ok, could you maybe sit down on the steps and pull the train out from behind you? I need you to give me something solid, something really strong" I shouted. The models struck a pose and it seemed to work. I fiddled with the camera for a moment, adjusted the height of the flash and started shooting again.

Everytime i made a suggestion Niylah told me my input was not required. I had to remember she was in charge. I was just there to do what i was told. And it was grating on my last nerve.

"Looks interesting"

And just when i thought things couldnt get any worse, Lexa arrived.

"Im busy, we're busy" I replied, not taking my eyes away from the camera and ignoring the prickling sensation running down my back. "Closed set"

"No it isnt. Anyway im here to talk to Wells". She came nearer until she was close enough to whisper in my ear. "Feeling better, lover?"

"If you dont back up immediately, im going to throw up on you" I replied. And it wasnt a lie. She had that effect on me. "Please let me get on with this"

"They look ridiculous, you know" she said stepping aside. I took a precious second away from my camera to glance over at her. Messy wavy hair, moisturised skin, green eyes against a golden tan. And the outfit hardly hurt, a bright white crop top showing of her toned abs and perfectly fitted high waisted shorts. Bugger me, she looked good. "What is Niylah thinking?"

"Why dont you ask her? im just the camera monkey" I tightened my plait and looked back at the scene in front of me. It did look ridiculous.

"Memory cards full. Give me two minutes everyone" I called over to my models and Wells. "One more set up, I promise"

Me and my shadow went over to the table where id set up my laptop and plugged in my camera. More and more upsettingly average pictures of a depressingly tragic set. I couldnt see a single one i was proud of.

"Its not your fault, you know" Lexa said quietly, one hand on my back. "They arent bad pictures. This....all this...." She waved at the models, at a foaming at the mouth Niylah. "Its not exactly working for you".

I looked up from the screen and out at the ocean where the sun had decided to come out. Waikiki beach was full of holiday-makers sunbathing, running in and out of the waves, building sandcastles and basically having a very lovely time. I wondered what would happen if i just threw the camera at Niylah's head and started running. I could reinvent myself as one of the slightly scary ladies wandering up and down the sand selling bits of mango. It was a good life.

"I think we need to make more of the Hawaiian feeling" Niylah announced, snapping me out of my daydream and slapping Lexa's hand off my back. "We need to add more fun, more playfulness". To Niylah playfulness could only be communicated by adding two girls in grass skirts holding ukuleles and a pile of pineapples.

"Oh dear God, shoot me now" I whispered, wide eyed and affraid

"If i could, i would" Lexa replied

"Niylah" I started with caution. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes" she shouted, her voice brittle.

"Its just.....I mean, its not cliched?"

Big mistake. Huge

"Im really fucking stressed right now Echo" she said with an awful lot of emphasis on my name "So if you could try and take a half decent picture out of what we've got, we can all get out of here before Christmas, yeah?"

"Hey Niylah, I know you're stressing but dont take it out on Echo" Lexa leapt to my honour before i could say anything. And it did not help matters in the slightest.

Niylah paused in her direction of the Hula girls and turned to face us fully. I took a tiny side step away from Lexa and looked at the floor while whispering "Please dont let her be the violent type" to myself.

"Lexa, could you be a doll and fuck off until you're needed?" she said sweetly "We're trying to get something done and you're not helping. Echo cant be distracted while she's creating her masterpiece. Isnt that right Echo?"

"Echo can probably speak for herself" she responded. I shook my head, still focusing on the grass beneath my feet and prayed for the ground to open and swallow me. Why werent there any active volcanoes in Hawaii? Where was a flowing river of molten lava when you needed it?

"Echo probably could" she agreed "But seriously not the time or place. Lexa, do one. We're busy".

My refusal to make eye contact with anyone other than the little brown bird that was pecking the ground beside my feet was probably a touch out of character as far as Lexa was concerned. I felt her eyes on me, waiting for a snappy comeback or at least a "Fuck you" for Niylah, but instead i shrugged, clicked a couple of buttons on my camera and kept my mouth shut.

"Fine" she said, defeated. "I'll be in the bar. Send Wells in when you're done."

I met her eyes briefly, trying to explain without an explanation, but she just looked a little pissed off and a lot confused.

"Lose the girls" Niylah belowed "Now lets take some pissing pictures so we can all go home"

The two dancers sashayed sadly away, their grass skirts swishing as they went. Even though i was this close to bursting into tears, i felt a chuckle bubbling up inside me. It was like someone had said something hilarious in science class and i had lost all control over myself.

"Dont you dare laugh" Niylah warned me "Just dont"

"Thought hadnt even crossed my mind" I said in the squeakiest voice possible. "Shall we just get this done".

"Yes" she pushed a long wave out of her face "I need a cocktail"

"And i need a miracle" I said turning back to the set.


	23. Chapter 23

"Crap, crap, crap, crap, even crappier, mega crap, crap.....

I had downloaded hundreds of shots to my computer and every single one looked shit. "Crap, crap, super crap"

I had a throbbing headache from last nights cocktails. All i wanted to do was fill a bucket full of crystal clear water and dunk my head in it, but there wasnt time. Niylah was due to come over and look through them with me any minute. 

"All right, lets see them"

No shocker, Niylah had let herself into my cottage without knocking. In her hand was a huge silver travel coffee mug which she held out to me. I shook my head.

"Its got whisky in it" she explained, holding it out again.

I took it, swigged it, retched ever so slightly and shuffled up the sofa so she could see the laptop. "Oh dear" she said taking the cup back. "Oh dear".

It wasnt nearly as bad a reaction as i'd anticipated. "Well they arent as bad as i thought they were going to be".

"What do we do? i asked

"This is what we've got" she replied carefully. "Im just going to have to suck it up and go with it. Im sorry i was such a dick head - i just panicked". She highlighted a couple of pictures and nodded slowly "If you can do a bit of clean up on these, just basic stuff, I'll send them over to the magazine and they can get back to us. Lexa should be able to file her interview tonight, and then were done. Thank fuck".

"Im sure gloss will understand" I said not sure in the slightest, but it felt like the right thing to say. "I dont see what else you could have done under the circumstances. You're going home with a story and a photo spread. You cant be held responsible for the invisible man, can you?"

"No i know" Niylah leaned back against the sofa and knocked back the rest of the coffee with whiskey. "But they have fired people for less. And i like my job"

"I liked mine and they fired me for nothing" I pursed my lips and put the laptop to sleep "It wont come to it, you know it wont - but seriously if they fire you over you working your arse off to try and save a disaster situation, then bugger them all. You'll find someone else who actually appreciates what you do".

"Is that what you said when you got laid off?" she asked sitting the coffee mug on the white wooden side table.

"I didnt get out of bed for a week, got hammered at a family christening, shagged my best mate in my childhood bedroom and then ran away to Hawaii" I shrugged "So i've set the bar pretty high for unpredictable behaviour in the face of a firing. I cant see you doing quite so badly".

"Is there anything else to drink in here?"

"There's wine in the fridge" I said watching her slink off in search of more booze.

Emptying her first glass of champagne, Niylah rested her head against the arm of the sofa and stretched her long, denim-clad legs out over my lap. I looked down at them, not knowing quite what to do. Good to know we were back on friendly terms. She really was just another Raven. And just as crazy as she had proven at the shoot that afternoon.

"Oh Clarke" she sighed my name and threw her hand against her forhead "I feel like such an idiot" she dropped her head even further back so that her hair cascaded all the way down to the floor. "I told Lexa i've got a crush on her".

Even though i sort of knew she was going to say something along those lines, even though i was kind of pushing her to admit it, hearing it first hand did not feel good.

"We were supposed to go out for dinner last night, but she made me go on this stupid boat ride and i threw up over the side and she was so lovely about it, but she so isnt interested and now its dead akward and i feel like im fourteen or something".

"She's not interested?" I asked "How do you know?"

"Well i threw myself at her"

"Go on" I said taking one more tiny sip of champagne

"She was being all lovely and funny and brought me water and stuff and i said that she was going to make someone very happy one day and then i put my arm on her leg and then she went a bit quiet and then she said she was "sort of seeing someone" and then i laughed loudly and said i was joking around and she said of course she knew that and then i left because i was absolutely mortified".

My first reaction was poor Lexa. She'd come all the way to Hawaii to interview someone who didnt want to be interviewed and then spent her entire trip looking after girls who kept throwing up. It was not a dream come true. Unless you had a very particular fetish.

My second reaction was "She was sort of seeing someone". Wha?

"Have you spoken to her since?" I asked

"Only when she showed up this afternoon" she said sitting back to drink her champagne "Its fine, I just have to stop falling for knobheads".

"Yes you do" I patted her leg

"You can talk" she snarked, kicking me back "Excellent choices you've been making lately".

Oh dear god. I thought, forcing myself to laugh loudly. If only you knew.

"You're not like, really, really into her though are you?" I asked my conscience really hoping for an answer that would help me sleep through the night. "Lexa i mean"

"I dont know" she twirled a lock of hair around her finger and shrugged one shoulder. "I just havent really fancied anyone since my ex and Lexa is just so you know. And i know she likes to talk a load of shit, but my friend is mates with one of her friends and she reckons she hasnt had a girlfriend since this girl she went out with from L.A years ago".

"Right" i said adding this information to the profile i was building slowly. The LA ex. The one who was too lazy to walk to the waterfall.

"So you do really like her?"

"You know, my heart says yes, but my head says probably not" she replied with a scrunched up face. "Although my vag says something altogether different". She sat up and poured herself another glass and topped me off, despite my refusals. "I reckon when you get home, Finn is going to be all turned around on this situation, he'll be so jealous and so worried about missing out. Absence makes the heart grow fonder Clarke".

"Does it?" I wasnt so sure.

"Yeah, definitely" Niylah said agreeing with herself so agressively that she was spilling champagne all over the settee. "He'll be all over you like a hot rash. He's hot isnt he?"

"He is" I agreed.

"Let me see a picture" she scrambled onto her knees and passed me my laptop "Come on, just one. I want to see whats so special about him"

With all the enthusiasm of a beached whale, i logged onto facebook and immediately found a thousand different pictures of me and Finn.

"Oh, he is cute" Niylah said with approval "Like the boy next doorsy kind" she said slamming the laptop shut. "I really do think he probably needs a bit of space to adjust to things. Coming here was the best thing you could have done."

I nodded. Getting on a plane and flying to Hawaii may well have been the best thing i could have done. I'd found a great new friend in Niylah and Anya, I'd remembered how much i loved photography and more importantly it turned out that i was actually pretty good at it. But i'd also fucked my new friends crush, lied about my name and stolen my roommate's job. That made me a little bit concerned.

My plan not to get wankered so i could work on my pictures was ruined by Niylah's plan to get absolutely obliterated so she could get right on my tits. Within an hour, she was three years deep into my Facebook photos and two bottles of champagne into her own personal pit of misery. "You all look really happy" she said "You and your friends. My friends are all arseholes. All my friends were my ex's friends and now all i've got left are fashion mates. No one is mates in fashion, not really."

"Right" I slapped my hand on her thigh hard. "I think its time you nicked off back to your cottage and i got some work done. I'll have the photos over to you in the morning".

"Fine" she said from inside the wine glass. "Im tired anyway. What time is it, two a.m?"

I glanced at the clock on the kitchen wall. It was half past eight in the evening.

"Its very late" I replied gravely "You should probably go to bed"

"Yeah" she nodded, hoisting herself off the sofa "I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks Clarke".

"Get back safe" I called as she tottered out in her heels.

"Im going 30 feet away" she laughed, reaching for the door frame and missing "You worry too much".

Even as she was saying it, i was trying to work out the likelihood of her falling in the pool and drowning on her way home so with that thought it was best i escort her.

On my way back the freshness of the ocean hit me and stopped me dead in my tracks.

"All right there?"

Lexa was sitting outside her cottage, book in one hand, drink in the other, her laptop on the table beside her and a bemused look on her face.

"Something wrong?"

"Everything" I replied, feet still frozen on the wooden slats of the veranda.

"How are the photos?" she asked

"How is the interview" I deflected

"Shit" she shrugged

"Photos are shit too" I admitted "They dont look right. It just not what its suppose to be"

"The whole thing was screwed from the start. Dont feel bad about it. There'll be other jobs"

I laughed softly. Easy for her to say.

"I just wanted one thing to go right" I said facing away looking at the ocean "All i wanted was to come here, do this and know i'd done it well. I wanted to know that despite everything else thats been so utterly shit lately, i could do this".

"Im sure it isnt your fault" she said "you get really stressed really easily, dont you? One shit shoot doesnt make you a shit photographer Echo". Lexa replied missing the point completely.

"Do you have a nickname?" Lexa lay down beside me in the sand and looked up at the sky.

"A nickname?" I asked, quiet alarm bells starting to sound in my mind. Had she heard Niylah calling me Clarke?

"No nicknames" I replied. I wanted to tell her the truth so badly. I wanted to roll onto my side, prop myself up on an elbow and say "Listen, its a funny story, but my name is actually Clarke... But i didnt. Because i was terrified. I just didnt know why.

"Niylah said you were seeing someone"

Lexa rolled onto her front, showering me in white sand, and looked at me with her narrowed green eyes. "Did she?"

"Yeah" I didnt know why i'd said it. I didnt even know where it had come from. "I thought you might have mentioned it. You know to me"

"If there was something to mention, i would have".

"Right"

It wasnt really an answer and i wasnt sure i felt any better. Either she was lying to me or she was lying to Niylah. Awesome. All i had managed to establish was that Lexa Woods was a liar. I'd never had to deal with issues like these when i was sitting behind a desk for eighty hours a week.

The evening was warm and quiet, and everything that had happened before i stepped out onto the beach felt like a million years ago. The only thing that registered was lying on the beach with Lexa and not wanting to move.

"So any word from that bloke back home?" she asked

"Nope" I replied

"Are you going to call him?" Lexa rolled over onto her back again, moving slightly closer to me. I followed like a magnet and for the life of me did not want to talk about Finn.

"Was the interview with Wells really that bad?" I asked changing the topic as quickly as i could without even answering.

"I worked really hard on this interview and its still a piece of shit" Lexa said in anger "And regardless of what i do or how late i stay up to work on it or what research i manage to dig out, its still going to be shit. Its still going to be published and people will read it and think i did a shit job".

"Maybe they wont" 

"Maybe they wont think your photos are shit and maybe you wont be embarassed to see your name next to them".

This definitely wasnt the time to go into the whole "by the way im not actually Echo" thing.

Lexa sat up, resting on her arms against her thighs and staring out at the sea. "The last time i was here" she said "I thought I had it all figured out. How is it that the older we get the less we know?"

She looked over her shoulder at me and gave me a half-smile as i sat up to join her. It was too dark to really read her expression, but i could see she wasnt happy and i knew there was so much more going on than she was going to tell me. Rather than say another word, she sighed, leaned forward and kissed me. I closed my eyes, letting the soft sweetness wash over me, and leaned into her, but her soft kiss turned into a determination that took me by surprise, and her second kiss knocked me back into the sand. She pushed me down on top of me and pinned my arms above my head and her legs wound their way around my own.

"We should go inside" I said

With dark eyes, Lexa nodded

We push each other inside ripping one another's clothes off and instantly devour each others mouths hardly coming up for air. Lexa presses her hand into my chest and pushed me back towards the bed. We can see the heat in each others eyes

Loud moans shatters the silence of the room my breath heavy against her mouth. She reaches between my legs and i know she notices how wet I am. I can feel how unsteady her breathing is. She manoeuvres her hand rubbing her fingers against the damp material of my underwear.

I grabs her hand and pull the waistband of my undies away from my skin, before she pushes her hand down. She slides her fingers between my lips and suddenly shes grazing my clit and "Fuck" I gasp in pleasure.

I feel her sharp intake of breath as she starts to rub in circles. I can’t get enough of her. Lexa breaks the kiss in order to move her mouth down my neck, leaving wet, open mouthed kisses in her wake. I moan loudly when she grazes her teeth against the juncture of my neck

She pulls both sides of my soaking wet undies and tugs them down my hips. As soon as they’re free of my legs, she throws them behind her. She climbs on top of me so she can rest over me. My thighs spread wide and she cradles my hips.

My hands grip at her back, my nails running up and down her skin as she presses close to me. She drops down a little so her clit is resting on top of mine and she starts to grind against me, she leaves my mouth to kiss my neck for a while before moving down my body sucking on my nipples and brushing her lips across my stomach. I move my arms above my head grasping at the headboard as I open my legs.

She settles herself between my legs as she puts them both over her shoulders and wraps her arms around my thighs, pulling me close and making sure I cant escape the pleasure. My legs shake as I could only yell as i tried to move my hips closer begging her to give me more.

As soon as she tasted me there was no stopping her, she was thirsty and could not get enough. I nearly screamed as she wrapped her tongue around my clit as her mouth and lips sucked at me. I was unyielding and I squirmed underneath her as her tongue moved faster and faster bringing me closer to the edge "Im coming" I sigh out until finally the wave hits me and I moaned so loud I even surprised myself. The waves of pleasure kept rolling over sending me into a sort of shock before I realized that she had not slowed down or even stopped. The constant attack of my clit lead me into a second orgasm that had me yelling her name.

I was in so much trouble.


	24. Chapter 24

It was almost dawn when i gave up trying to sleep and rolled out of Lexa's bed. I wanted to stay. I wanted to wake up all flowing hair and glowing skin and fantastic morning sex, but i knew sleepovers werent our thing, it was something couples did, and we werent a couple.

Clutching my sandals in my hand i rested my fuzzy tired head against the door frame and looked back at the bed. Lexa was still fast asleep in the middle of the mattress, the white sheets wrapped around her waist.

We might not be a couple, but i was starting to think i was going to be sad when whatever this was was over. Since her unanticipated one-eighty turn into a normal human being, I was more than a little confused about her and about myself. It didnt help that i hadnt got a wink of sleep and desperately needed my own bed.

I opened my door and slipped inside with a sigh. It was strange how soon somewhere could start to feel like home. Lexa had been clear about things in the beginning - this was just sex, and even if i went completely mad and decided i wanted something more from her, it just wasnt possible. As far as Lexa Woods was concerned, she was sleeping with Echo.

The shower was hot and steamy when i stripped off all my clothes and unplaited my hair. The bruises i'd aquired a few days before had left little dark blue dots on my arms and shoulders and were only just starting to fade away to a yellowish blur. It was all very fifty shades of grey.

"Which she has totally read" I announced to the shower-head. "Wanker"

It took far too long, but eventually i was clean and dry, my hair was fresh as a daisy and i was wearing clean underwear. "And all before the sun came up" I announced to my bed before falling face down onto it "Well done Clarke"

Even though i thought a lie in was thoroughly well deserved, the universe did not agree. It felt as though my head had only just hit the pillow when my iphone rang.

"Echo, why havent you answered my fucking email?"

Oh, how charming. It was Agent Nia

"Morning Nia" I replied as bravely as i could. "Because its about seven in the morning and i havent seen it yet?"

"Dont be fucking smart with me" she carried on yelling. "Whats going on? why havent i seen any fucking photos? send them to me right the fuck now"

"They're not quite ready to go out" I was not kidding "Im just doing some edits with the art director and then i'll get them over to you in an hour".

"You better not have cocked this up" she warned, her voice odly cheerful given the fact she was putting the fear of God in me. "Because if you have, I will personally come around to your fucking apartment and string you up by your tits. Got it?"

"I have got it" I confirmed crossing one arm over my chest "Talk to you soon"

Nia hung up before i could, leaving me in my underwear, sitting on the edge of the settee, staring at a big black screen on a silver laptop.

"Right then" I said to no one. Five minutes earlier, i would have happily slept through a hurricane, but now with a very real threat of physical violence levelled against me and my boobs, I felt strangely wired.

Gathering my thoughts, I slipped on my sunglasses and went outside. The ocean was calming. Maybe i could find a little spot where i could sit down and meditate. And by meditate i meant freak out quietly.

It was still early, but the sun was already heating up, warming my skin through my hastily pulled on T-shirt and stroking the back of my neck. I pulled my hair over one shoulder and twisted it into something like a ponytail while i wandered and collected my thoughts.

I Turned towards the water and wadled ankle-deep in the gentle waves. In forty-eight hours i'd be looking back at the job centre, neck deep in trouble. From out of nowhere i felt a tear trickle down my left cheek. I dipped my hands in the cool water and pressed them against my face to stop me from crying.

"Good morning Echo"

Emerging from the tree's, my spirit guide, Theo gave me a wave and a smile.

"Hello" I waved back and turned away from the sea. I was going to miss it. I was going to miss everything. "How are you today?"

"Oh been better, been worse" he said waving a hand in the air. He held out his arm like a true gentleman and escorted me along the sand. I was going to miss Theo. And bloody hell, here came the tears again. "You all right?" he asked.

"Yep" I replied curtly, biting the inside of my lip until my face stopped leaking. Echo wouldnt have cried because an older man was nice to her. Echo would have been very busy trying to work out how to get into his will and then make him have a heart attack.

"So Miss Echo" Theo said quietly. "What were those tears for? Is everything all right?"

"Not really" I shrugged "It'll be fine though"

"What if it isnt?" he asked "Sometimes it isnt. Did the photoshoot not go well?"

"The photos are shit....sorry, they're rubbish" I blushed as i checked my language. "My friend says the interview she did is terrible and she's really freaking out about it because it'll be so bad for her career, and then theres all the stuff i have to deal with when i get home and i just dont really know where to start".

"And whats happening with the holiday romance?" he asked "The one who's so wrong for you?"

"Yeah, thats sort of a mess too. She's the one doing the interview"

Theo shared a concerned furrowed brow.

"So i've messed up the pictures, messed up with Finn, messed up with Lexa, Niylah is going to be furious, My mum isnt talking to me, I wont have a job when i get back and thats without even getting into the roommate shenanigans". I took a deep breath in and tried to let it out evenly without tears creeping into my voice. "I dont know what i thought was going to happen if i came here, but i didnt think it would make things worse".

"I dont really know who any of those people are, but maybe things arent as bad you think" Theo said "Its possible isnt it?"

"Anything is possible" I never wanted to leave this beach. "But the only people who are still talking to me wont be for long. One thinks she's in love with the girl i've been seeing and she thinks im someone im not. Its a very long story".

"Most people think we're someone were not. How do you know she's not right and you're wrong? Maybe she knows you better than you know yourself".

"Thats pretty deep" I said slowly "Still doesnt help me have decent photos or get Lexa a good interview".

"What was so awful about them?" he pulled at a loose thread on his T-shirt "And why was your friends interview so bad?"

"The photos are just bad" I didnt know if i had the energy to get into it again. "You know i said Mr Jaha cancelled on us? well, his son did the piece instead but he pulled these really awful clothes, and i havent read the interview but Lexa said he was just really awful and full of himself, and she was really struggling to make it sound like he wasnt a massive twat"

"Bloody hell" Theo rubbed a hand over his face

"Yeah, I just wish his father hadnt cancelled. Or atleast hadnt said he'd do it and then change his mind when we got here. Lexa is really, really upset. I wish i could fix it".

"Quite the dilemma. You know there are fights you can win and fights you cant. And your job isnt who you are. You say this Lexa girl thinks you're someone you're not, but honestly, do you actually even know who you are?"

"The Lexa situation is a bit more literal than that" I replied "But no, really i am my job. I always have been. I dont know how to be anything else".

"I think thats the biggest problem here" he said with a half smile "And i think its something i understand. So how about we do a deal?"

"A deal?" I eyed him suspiciously. What could Theo possibly have that would help me?.

"I'll help you resolve this photo nonsense, but you have to work on finding out who Echo is".

"Finding out who Echo is really is a very big part of the problem for everyone" I said

"Come on" he wasnt having any of it. "Lets go and find your friends and sort this mess out".

"I think i want to stay here" I said "Thanks though"

"You dont think your friend will want to redo the interview?" He asked "You dont want another go at the photos?"

"Well, yeah, but I - what?" I reached up and took the hand that he held out to me and leapt up to my feet. "How are you going to do that?"

"I know you're very busy with your own identity crisis" he said, linking his arm through mine again and giving me a casual salute with the other hand, "But i've been having a little one of my own. I feel i should introduce myself properly. My name is Thelonius Jaha. Lovely to meet you".

 


	25. Chapter 25

"Well hello"

It was safe to say that Lexa was not nearly as pleased to see me when i knocked on her door fifteen minutes later as she was when i'd passed through it fifteen hours earlier.

"Hey" I replied, more than a little awkward "I've got good news".

"Is that why you had to sneak off in the middle of the night?" She asked striding across the room pulling a T-shirt over her bare torso.

She seemed really annoyed. But i was not here to bicker and argue but to make something right. For a change. I took a step into her cottage and waited to see what she would do "I went for a walk"

"Well that makes sense" she replied

"Hang on a minute, you werent around when i woke up yesterday. I thought you didnt do sleepovers?" 

She opened the fridge door, pulled out a carton of orange juice and gulped it back.

"Lexa, you can kick my arse in a bit, but right now i need you to get your frikin dictaphone and your pen and little pad and come outside. I've got someone who wants to talk to you".

"I dont have a little pad" she snapped back. But journalistic curiosity was too much for her and she turned slowly. "Who am i supposed to be talking to?"

"Its good" I bit my bottom lip to keep in a smile. According to the thunderous expression on her face, it was still too soon for smiling. "Its really good".

She placed the empty juice carton on the side, brushed her hair away from her face and gave me a disbelieving look.

"Oh just come with me" I grabbed her arm and dragged her back towards the open door. "My friend Thelonius Jaha would like to have a chat with you and then we're going to take some pictures. Does that sound OK?"

"But how...." Lexa's eyes lit up and a huge smile broke out across her face. In an instant she'd become someone else, switching from mean and moody to eager and excitable. And as much as mean and moody Lexa made my knickers twitch, eager and excitable Lexa did something incredibly worrying to my heart.

"Actually, fuck it, dont tell me. Where is he?"

"Outside" I moved a step to the left so she could see.

"Thats Thelonius Jaha?" Lexa mouthed in surprise. "Seriously?"

"Well, that or he's some delusional mental i met on the beach who is pretending to be Jaha" I started to laugh then stopped. Lexa met my terrified expression with one of her own. "Oh shit".

"No no" she reached a hand out to my shoulder and squeezed gently. "Im sure he's not some random crazy. And even if he is, Im pretty certain he'd give me a better interview than Wells".

"This is true" I breathed out and placed my hand on top of hers. Lexa smiled. "God help me with the pictures though".

"I might stick around while you do those" She nodded, laughed and leaned in to kiss me softly on the lips. "Thank you Echo".

"You're welcome" I said on my way out of the door. "Now come and meet my friend Theo"

"I'll be back in about half an hour with my camera"

"We'll be here" Jaha said with a cheerful smile.

The shoot didnt take long and when i pulled the photos up on my laptop, i knew we'd done it. They looked amazing. Jaha looked happy and proud, the models looked stunning in every shot. Each dress told a story and happily, Lexa now had her story. Somehow we'd managed to pull off the impossible. Before i could think better of it, i picked my favourites and emailed them to Agent Nia. One job down.

"Echo?"

A quiet knock on the door announced my visitor before they spoke, so i knew it wasnt Niylah.

"You need to go and have a shower"

"Why?" I asked in confusion

"Because im taking you somewhere special for dinner, and im here to make you look beautiful"

"Yes, boss" I pushed myself up out of my chair and sloped into the bathroom

When Anya finally unveiled her handiwork, i gasped. My skin looked soft and airbrushed with a rosy pink glow, my lips held just a whisper more than their natural colour and thanks to the very liberal usage of smokey eyeliner and individual false eyelashes, my eyes looked enormous. "Wow"

"You're very welcome" she said tapping me on the nose with a powder puff. And her work was done.

"Shall we get you dressed?" she asked vanishing out of the front door and reappearing with a black garment bag. "I have something special for you"

"Ohhhhh" I clapped my hands together and jumped off the stool.

"I knew you wouldnt sit still while i did your make up if i brought it in, so i left it out there" she said "Mr Jaha picked it, but i had the final say".

I pressed my hands over my mouth and tried not to scream as she pulled down the zip to reveal a red valentino ballgown i'd been cooing over during the shoot. It really was remarkable.

When i put it on it felt suprisingly light and the skirt fell about my legs, fluttering lightly. So this is how it felt to be a princess. I felt absolutely beautiful.

"Oh god, you've got to take a photo of me in this" I said not able to look away from the mirror "Raven will never believe it otherwise".

"Done" she replied hands on my shoulders. "I think you're ready cinders. I need to get you to the ball".

"We're going to a ball?"

Anya shook her head "Not exactly, but you do have somewhere to be and if i dont get you there before midnight someone will likely be pissed".

"My date isnt with you?"

Anya took my hand and walked me to the front door "Follow me" and so i did into the back of one of Jaha's SUV's.

The driver opened my door before i had a chance to and i gave him a pretty smile, given that all i really wanted to do was jump up and down and dance to whip and nae nae. The entire afternoon had vanished in a vortex of photo editing, make up applications and mystery road trips and wherever i was, the sun was setting, casting a pinkish orange glow through the low, lush trees that hung overhead. Somewhere nearby i heard water running. It was all very familiar but not.

"That way" Anya nodded towards a narrow sandy path leading into the trees. I'll see you later princess"

And just like magic, my nerves turned into complete and utter all consuming terror. I managed to keep my feet moving one in front of the other. The sound of water changed from running to rushing, the smell of flowers swam all around me, and as i peered between the trees, i started to see little tealights appear to a stairway. Each step was lit with three tiny white candles in little glass jars, it was all so beautiful.

It took me too long to work out why the sound of the water was so familiar and i was almost at the bottom of the steps before i saw the waterfall. Right where we had laid in the sand was Lexa. The self-satisfied smile on her face melted away when she saw me.

"Wow" she gasped

"Yeah" I exclaimed, hands above my head "I know"

By the water Lexa and presumably Anya had set up a small round table that was covered in food. I stopped at the bottom of the steps and gave myself a moment to take it all in. The heavy scent of flowers, the rush of the water, all the little glowing candles and in the middle of it all, the girl who had done this, just for me. She Looked sensational, and her eyes sparkled all the way across the beach. When she wasnt looking smug, her smile was infectious and i felt a happy grin spread across my own face.

"You found your way then?" Lexa called, giving me a wave. "Are you coming down or not?"

"Did you know there was a footpath to this bloody place?" I bellowed, looking back at the steps i'd just descended with so much grace. "I nearly broke my neck the other day and there's a bloody staircase back there, Lexa Woods".

Lexa smiled, said nothing and picked a bottle of champagne out of a silver ice bucket.

"In the interests of this evening going well, I'm just going to ignore you" she said popping the cork and pouring out a glass and taking a sip. I remained on the other side of the beach "Have you got any idea how long it takes to carry and light two hundred candles?"

"Half of them have gone out" I flipped my hair and strode over to the table taking a seat. "Maybe you should run back up and relight them"

"Maybe you should be quiet" she replied, filling up a second glass of champagne and handing it to me, her fingertips just missing mine as i took it, but even the potential for skin on skin contact made me shiver. I breathed in deeply and breathed out slowly and sipped my drink. "gorgeous dress" she commented

"Its all right isnt it?" I fanned the skirt out around me and tried to steady my pulse. I was so overwhelmed by what was happening i couldnt rely on my voice to stay calm. "Its just something i keep for hanging out at the beach".

"It works" Lexa nodded, sitting down in the chair next to mine, her knee touching my knee "You should wear it more often".

Thinking it'll look good down the job centre on Monday. I took a sip of my champagne and immediately realized my mistake. That was a Clarke problem not Echo's.

"Those photos you took this morning were beautiful" she said "You know they were. I told you everything would be OK if you just trusted yourself. You didnt need Niylah directing you".

"It wasnt Niylah's fault" I replied, feeling the faint twang of betrayal "It was everything. Today was better because we had Jaha. If he had been around since the beginning, none of this would have happened".

"If he'd been around from the beginning, i probably wouldnt be here now" Lexa replied. "I'd been planning to change my flight to leave as soon as i'd got the interview".

"Something exciting to rush home for?" I asked "Hot date?"

Lexa didnt say anything. Instead she made a sighing noise and gave her head a shake before her expression hardened.

"Did you refile the interview?" I asked

"I did" she said "Did you send the photos?"

"I wanted to show Niylah first. She's been missing all day. I havent been able to get hold of her".

Lexa laughed, her green eyes softening "She's been off shopping all day. You should have sent them to Gloss yourself. They should know it was your idea".

"I dont want to stab Niylah in the back" I said silently adding "anymore than i am right now".

"Im guessing this is why our paths have never crossed before, Echo" Lexa rasied her glass in a toast "You're too nice".

"Echo, you're too nice" I echoed, touching my glass to hers and taking the tiniest sip. "Words that have never been uttered before and will likely never be uttered again".

"You really have got it in for yourself, havent you?" she said, playing with her earing "OK, since this went so well last time, lets play a game. I want you to choose five words to describe yourself".

"Hungry, tired, overdressed and......" I glanced round at my surroundings for inspiration. "Annoyed that we didnt use the stairs on our first visit. Your turn".

"Thats more than five words"

"Fine. Hard-working, loyal, dedicated and still tired and hungry".

"You dont believe all that anymore than i do" Lexa responded leaning back in her chair and giving me a full headshake this time. "Are they honestly the best attributes you can come up with, or are you just being stupidly self-effacing? Because i cant decide which is more irritating".

"Well, i'd add in stone cold fox, but im worried i'd seem a bit full of myself" I replied "Your turn"

"Clever, perceptive, funny, loyal and quick". She counted her words off her fingers "And obviously a stone cold fox".

"This is not the first time you've played this game, is it?" I asked "I feel cheated".

"At least you feel something other than the heavy burden of other peoples expectations" she said, dodging my hand as i swung out to punch her in the arm. "See? im quick".

"And too clever for your own good" I said, soothing my bruised ego with another well earned sip of champagne.

"You really dont see yourself, do you?" Lexa asked "You really do think you're just this sad workhorse, slogging away".

I coughed, choking on dry bread "Thank you for such a beautiful image".

"Im serious" Lexa said seriously, wearing her serious face. "Im really good at reading people. Its kind of why i ended up in the job im in, but i cannot get a proper read on you. You're definitely not the girl i thought i was meeting, and you're really not the martyr you think you are. So who are you?"

"I dont know what you're talking about" I replied, wishing there was a toilet i could excuse myself to. Not because i needed to go, but because the conversation was becoming increasingly uncomfortable.

"Im talking about you hiding who you are under this "poor me" act" she went on. "You put all your focus on what other people think, on work, on that stupid guy back home who doesnt know how fucking lucky he is, but when you let all of that go, you're amazing".

I met her eyes. i felt myself blush and shifted in my seat "Lexa, you dont know me".

"Yeah, i do" she argued. "The look on your face today when you were taking the pictures, when Jaha was talking about his wife. When you forget to try, you're so beautiful. Its the same when you're with me. I love the look on your face when you know you cant win a fight."

"I never know i cant win a fight" I rallied, knocking back almost an entire flute of champagne. "And really, you dont need to say all this just to get in my pants. I think we're a bit past that."

"Thats the other thing" she laughed "As soon as things get even the slightest bit real or honest, you make a joke or you say something bitchy. Its all a defence Echo. I've been interviewing people for long enough to know when they're trying to keep me out".

I looked up at the sky and watched as pale pink and peach streaks washed over the light blue twilight. "And why would i be trying to keep you out?" I wondered aloud.

"Im trying really hard to do something nice". I felt Lexa's hand cover mine on the table and curled my fingers around hers. "I know i was a total idiot. I've been a massive idiot to everyone for a really long time, and i basically forgot how to be anything else".

"So why stop now?" I asked still not quite meeting her eyes.

"Damned if i know" she replied a hint of a laugh in her voice that didnt really ring true. "Been trying to work that out myself. Thought of a thousand reasons"

She sat quietly for a moment, waiting for me to say something, but i had nothing. With one hand i cradled my glass in my lap and with the other i squeezed her warm fingers. It was meant to be reassuring. I hope that it was.

"I've got a horrible feeling it's actually because i really like you" she whispered.

"Because i'm loyal, dedicated and hard-working?" I asked

"Because you're passionate and fierce and caring and creative and so funny and so beautiful and totally naive, and you're completely oblivious to all of the above" she replied leaning closer to me. "And because you took me on and won".

I'd won?

"And because you're not afraid to tell me the truth".

She had to go and spoil everything.

I wanted to melt, i wanted to kiss her hard and ask her to say things like that to me every single day, but i couldnt. Because the day after tomorrow, the girl she was talking about wouldnt exist anymore. And the girl that would take her place didnt know how to tell her the truth. Instead i let go of her hand and let my head fall backwards, as far as it would go, covering my eyes with my hands. I needed a moment, just a moment to work this out.

I should just tell her. I should just laugh and take her hand and say "funny story...." It wasnt that big of a deal, was it? It was only a name. I remembered something i read years ago: A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.

"Echo?"

I'd tell her in the morning.

"I havent really opened up for a while" Lexa said, gripping my wrist tightly to get my attention. I uncovered my eyes and looked at her. The sparkle in her eyes was burning. It was all too much to bear. "So you can understand why this is a bit uncomfortable for me right now. Should i not have said that?"

"I just dont know what to say" I whispered, eyes wide and prickly. "I dont know what to say to you".

"Then i'll just stick to my earlier comment" she replied, leaning in to press her lips to mine. "In the interest of this evening going well, i'm just going to ignore you".

 


	26. Chapter 26

I woke up in Lexa's bed, in Lexa's arms. The rest of the evening had passed perfectly, just as Lexa had planned. I quietly relived the kissing, inappropriate touching, some champagne-fuelled skinny dipping and fifteen minutes of drunkenly blowing out candles on our way back to the car. If she was hurt by my less than positive reaction to her confession, she did a fantastic job of hiding it.

I looked round to see our clothes scattered across the room, the Valentino was draped across the chair opposite the bed giving me a sly wink. I felt as though i'd done her proud.

"Go back to sleep" Lexa murmured as i stirred again. Her body was hot, curled against mine, and i willingly pushed my back against it, feeling the tension in her muscles. It made me smile. Her knees moved up, pulling me in towards her, and she coiled her legs around mine, our hands and arms already entwined.

"I should go back to mine and pack" I sighed in response. "We fly out this afternoon. I havent sent the pictures to Gloss yet, and Niylah still hasnt seen them. There's too much to do to stay in bed".

"But you're really only agreeable in bed" Lexa replied "As soon as you get out, you start opening your mouth, and thats when you get annoying".

"I know" I agreed "But there's really not very much i can do about that".

"You could come back to New York with me" she suggested in a voice barely louder than a whisper, speaking right in my ear. "We could stay in bed for days".

I let her kiss my ear, my neck, my shoulder before i replied. Was that throwaway pillow talk or a genuine offer? Not that i could just up and run off to New York, could I? I'd already upped and run off to Hawaii. Maybe when we got there, i could explain everything and she would understand. I bet New York was full of pathological liars. I bet everything sounded more charming in the shadow of the Empire State building.

"You want me to come to New York?" I said with a squeak as one of her hands let go of mine and started to work its way down my thigh. "With you? Today?".

"Why not?" she replied "you keep saying you have nothing to go home for?"

"This is true" I closed my eyes and let images flash though my mind before giving in to Lexa's wandering fingers. "But i shouldnt"

"Because?"

I smiled and let out a tiny yelp

"I dont really know" I said, rolling over to face her. "Why dont you give me a couple more reasons why i should".

Half an hour and two very good reasons later, i lay in bed listening to Lexa shower, making no moves to head back to my own bathroom. I really should, i told myself - there was too much to do. But rolling around on the soft sheets with my eyes closed was too tempting. As soon as i opened up my suitcase, i had to admit that this week was over, I had to stop having fun and start making some very difficult decisions. Probably. Unless i went away with Lexa.

Giving myself one more minute to wrap myself up in Lexa's sheets, i breathed in, storing away each and every memory as safely as i could. The smell of the ocean, of Lexa that lay on top of laundered bedlinen. I had replayed the moment she had kissed me by the waterfall so many times that it was burned into my brain. It was already starting to feel like something i'd seen in a movie rather than something that had happened to me. The sound of the shower running in the bathroom echoed the rush of the waterfall and making myself a nest of pillows, i hid my face from the morning sun. Just one more minute. Just one more minute. Just one more minute here, and then..... And then my phone started to ring

And thats when everything went wrong and shit really hit the fan.

"Niylah, wait" I wailed, following her out of Lexa's cottage, trying to pull one of Lexa's T shirts down over my underwear before we hit civilization. "Can i explain, please?"

"NO" she shouted without looking back "You can fuck off and die".

"Maybe you can explain to me?" Lexa grabbed my arm and pulled me back. I glanced down reluctantly. "What is going on Echo?"

"Her names Clarke" Niylah reminded her. "Although she might as well be Echo, given what a filthy, lying skank she is".

Oh, that was a low blow. Not that i didnt have it coming.

 


	27. Chapter 27

"I cant believe you would do this. Which just goes to show how stupid i am" Niylah looked furious. "You did a really good job pretending to be my friend. Well done".

Oh god i was a horrible person.

"I am your friend" I protested. "Honestly this is....."

"Exactly what it looks like?" she countered. "Friend?"

"Niylah wait" I shook off Lexa's hands and gave her a desperate look as she ran off. "I can explain to you in a minute - just let me go and explain to her and then i'll come back".

"You dont think i deserve an explanation first?" She looked furious. Confused and furious. "Because Niylah seems to know your actual name, which is one step ahead of me".

"Oh God" I pressed my hands against my face and made a frustrated mewing noise. What should i do? What was i supposed to do?

"Ok, my name isnt Echo, its Clarke. Echo is my roommate. She's a massive cow and i sort of borrowed her camera and her job and, well her name to come out here because i got the sack, i got fucked over by Finn and i may or may not have had a very small mental breakdown. Thats the short version. Can i come back and give you the long version in five minutes?"

"Go and talk to Niylah" she said in a strained voice. "Clarke"

Well. If i'd known it was going to be that easy to shut her up i could have told her the truth a week earlier. Her fury changed to shock.

"I was going to tell you" I replied weakly. "I wanted to tell you".

"Go and talk to Niylah" she repeated. "Go"

Thinking of the right thing to say was impossible, so i simply nodded and ran up the steps, following Niylah towards the main house.

"Niylah, wait" I bellowed, struggling to run and shout at the same time. But it was pointless. She was on a mission and i had a horrible feeling that nothing good was going to come out of it. For me anyway. When i finally heaved myself over the top step, i saw Niylah lecturing Jaha and Wells, who were sitting together at the huge table on the veranda while Anya looked on.

"And so yes. Im so sorry Mr Jaha..." I was finally close enough to hear Niylah as she got to the end of her story, hands pressed against her chest. "And Mr Jaha. Its all just been such a terrible mix-up. Obviously we'll be dealing with Miss Griffin when we return home, but really i just wanted to reassure you both that Gloss had absolutely no idea about any of this and we will do whatever it take to make things right".

"Well, well, well" Jaha stood up and gave me the biggest grin i had ever seen. "You werent kidding when you said you werent who we thought you were".

I stood still at the top of the stairs, very very aware that i was only wearing my knickers and a T-shirt with last nights make up. Anya gave me an elaborate wink, a silent clap and then motioned for me to wipe the mascara smears away from under my eyes.

"I dont know what to say" I took a step forward and then froze, crossing my arms in front of me. Niylah turned an icy glare my way and sat down at the table opposite Wells. He mostly looked confused. "Im really sorry".

"You can say you're sorry to our lawyers" Niylah intoned with out turning to look at me.

"Oh Niylah" for some reason Jaha seemed to think this was all terribly funny. He was actually laughing. "I dont think there's any need for that, besides, im not entirely convinced our friend - Clarke, is it?" I nodded and wished very hard for the earth to swallow me whole. "Im not sure Clarke has actually broken any laws. Besides if i hadnt made her acquaintance, I wouldnt have been able to sit down with Miss Woods yesterday and do your interview in the first place".

"You...you did an interview?"

Niylah's head spun so quickly, her head was just a blur. "With Lexa?"

"I left you so many voicemails for you to call me back" I couldnt remember a time when i'd felt more frustrated with myself "I emailed you".

"And we took new photos" Jaha confirmed "I think they probably turned out quite well, didnt they Clarke?"

"They did" I said quietly "I can show you?" They're on my laptop. I already sent them to my agent. I thought you'd want to send them to Gloss yourself"

She shook her head slowly, face like thunder.

"I tried to call you loads of times, but you didnt answer" I explained "And then i couldnt find you"

"And i couldnt find you last night" she replied "But thats because you were busy"

"Im sorry" Wells finally found his voice to interrupt. "I think im missing something here".

"No" I took another step forward "Im Clarke. And again, im really, really sorry".

"Im going to pack" Niylah excused herself. "Thank you for being so understanding Mr Jaha"

"Niylah" I jumped up and grabbed hold of her hand. She snatched it back before i could get a good grip. "Just please let me explain".

"Whats to explain?" she asked, and for the first time she didnt look angry, just really really sad. "I trusted you. You lied to me. You've made me look stupid and it's all worked out beautifully for you, hasnt it?"

I had nothing to say. "You must have learned more than you realized from living with your roommate" she said tears spilling over her cheeks. "Your a natural Clarke".

Sniffing delicately, she jogged down the staircase and onto the beach. I stood there watching her go until she disappeared into her cottage. The slam of the door echoed all the way up to the veranda.

"Oh. My" Anya declared as the silence became too much. "Tell me everything".

"Anya" Jaha said with a warning tone. "I dont think this is the time".

"Its absolutely the time - she's leaving in an hour" she argued. "Echo, Clarke. Whatever your name is. Details".

"Im only doing the short version" I said sinking back into the seat, face first into my cup of coffee. "And after this, im just not doing it ever again. So i have this roommate called Echo...."

The short version of my story took almost twenty minutes with all of Anya's questions and interruptions. To his credit Jaha stayed quiet throughout, only adding the odd tut or sigh to show support. He really was the best stand in dad a girl could ask for.

"But really, i never do things like this - the Lexa thing, the spur-of-the-moment thing, lying in general" I chewed on my bottom lip and tried to look as honest as possible. "I cant lie. I cant even tell people they look good in a pair of jeans if they make them look fat".

"But didnt you say you worked in advertising?" Anya asked "Isnt that professional lying?"

"Exactly, professional lying" I pointed out "Completely different kettle of fish.

"I know you want us to tell you what a terrible person you are" Jaha said "But im not entirely convinced of that".

"Not following" I replied "Niylah is never going to forgive me for the Lexa thing. Lexa is never going to forgive me for any of it. And thats before i even try to unravel the mess back home".

"If they're real friends, they'll forgive you" he argued "And if they dont, you have to accept that. As you get older, you'll realize there isnt enough time to waste regretting the things you've done. Apologize, explain, wait for them to come to you. You cant rush forgiveness, but you cant waste your life waiting for it either".

"I cant believe your being so understanding" I said "I wish i didnt have to leave"

"I'd tell you to stay but i think you need to go back and work a few things out" Jaha replied "And come back when you've worked out who you're going to be next"

"I think i'd just like to go back to being Clarke" I raked my hands through my hair "I wish i could just go back to how it was before".

"No you dont" Jaha smiled. "You werent any happier then than you are now".

"True" I admitted "But things were a lot easier".

"Take a breath" he advised. "Work out what you really want before you do anything. And not what you think you should want or what other people tell you to want. Really think about it Clarke. Now is the time".

I paused for thought

"Sometimes we have to try on a few different personalities before we find outselves" he said "Admittedly, not everyone does it in such an extreme way as you, but still. I think you've probably learned something".

"Odds are good" I agreed "still trying to work out exactly what though".

"You'll get there" he said "you'll get there".

Even after Jaha's words of wisdom, i felt heavy and exhausted when i got back to the cottages. Anya had promised to ride with me to the airport. But before i could throw all my/Echo's things into my empty suitcase, i had to talk to Lexa. I said i'd be five minutes and i'd been ages. Who knew what kind of conclusions she'd come to in my absence.

I pushed my hair into a ponytail, bit my lips and rubbed my cheeks, well aware that this entrance was about as far removed from my entrance at the waterfall last night. Gone was the Valentino, gone were the eye-lashes and the carefully combed out curls. Gone was Echo. All that was left was Clarke. I hoped she was enough.

I knocked on the door and waited. Nothing. I knocked again, anxiety building inside me. When she didnt answer my third knock, i opened the door and let myself in. Its what everyone seemed to do over here anyway.

"Lexa?" I called quietly. The cottage was so still "Are you there?"

It was a stupid question. She was gone. There wasnt a single trace of her anywhere in the apartment. Her pens, her notebooks. All gone. I wandered through the rooms, trying to find a memory that would convince me she had been there in the first place. I took a deep breath before opening the bedroom door, hoping i would walk into find her sleeping, just too tired to hear my knocking. The bedroom was empty, the sheets stripped from the bed, screwed up in a ball and tossed in a corner of the bathroom. Wherever she was now, Lexa Woods had left this place as a less than happy broad.

Sinking onto the bare matress, i ran my hands over the plush fabric and sniffed a little, feeling sorry for myself. It was my own fault, i knew that. I could have told her the truth before things got away from me. I could have told her the first night we were together. I could have told her over dinner at the waterfall. But by then it was too late. And before it was too late, it was too soon. She went from being an arsehole to being everything so quickly, i didnt have time to catch myself. And now, here i was sat on her bed, wearing her T-shirt, wondering where she had gone. Well i couldnt say she'd lied about being unreliable, I thought, lying back and imagining her there beside me. I just wished i could say i hadnt lied at all.


	28. Chapter 28

The living room was exactly how i'd left it. The remote control sat on the arm chair, the curtains were half drawn and an empty coffee mug was gathering dust to the left of my foot, I sat down, coat still on. My suitcase was parked by the door and the entire place was silent and still.

All the way home, i'd tried to think about what Jaha had said how i needed to work out what my next move was, who i wanted to be - but i couldnt move on with myself until i'd fixed everything with everyone else. First though, right now, i needed to sleep. I'd checked the devil's daughters room - nothing had moved in there either, so it looked as though she was still away on her own adventure. There was always the slim chance she'd seen the error of her ways and gone off to become a nun or monk or something. A girl could dream.

As my eyes slid shut and i used up my last drop of energy to haul my legs up onto the settee, i heard a rattle at the door. A key in the lock.

"Fuck"

It was too late to make a run for my bedroom. If i just lay very still on the settee she'd think i was dead.

"Clarke?" Are you in there?" I cant get the fucking key to work"

Sweet Jesus, Mary and Joseph, it wasnt Echo. It was Raven "Just push it harder" I said loudly face first in the cushion "It gets stuck sometimes".

I heard something hard strike something heavy and then a very small person clatter through a door way onto the floor. "So you're back then?" she said dusting off her skinny jeans and leaping on top of me "I have missed you, you daft mare".

"Me too" I said fighting sleep with every breath "I need to go to bed"

"You're not getting a wink until you tell me everything" she said rubbing my shoulders. "Everything. Every word of it. Hot girl, Hawaii, photographs, all of it".

"Raven i am literally going to pass out. I swear i'll tell you everything if i can just have an hour?"

At the crack of dawn the following morning i woke to a snoring Raven beside me. I'd managed to regain consciousness for a short time exactly one hour after i'd fallen asleep, when Raven turned off the telly,started poking me in the arm and didnt stop until i opened one eye and told her absolutely every last detail of the past seven days.

Fishing the remote control out of the cover, i flicked off the Vampire Diaries she'd left playing, which explained why i'd had nightmares about vampires chasing me through the ocean, and rolled out of bed without disturbing my sleepover pal, a skill i'd really mastered over the past week. Waking up in my own bed, wandering into the kitchen in my underwear and going through the motions of my morning coffee ritual didnt make anything feel better. It was almost as though i'd woken up from a dream but couldnt quite shake it, only i couldnt work out which was the dream, home, or Hawaii. Or the seafaring vampires.

The past seven days felt more real to me than the past god knows how many years. Despite the drama and the anxiety, they had been fun, and i already missed everything about them. I'd been challenged and excited and things had felt new. And for the first time in a long time, in Hawaii, I'd been happy.

"Post-holiday blues" I told the toaster. "It was a holiday, it was a break from reality, all of it. Its done. Back to real life now".

But the toaster didnt look convinced

I thought watching breakfast TV might help me feel more present but after two hours i started to feel like it may be a good idea to get out of the house. I showered and dressed as quietly as possible, picked up my bag still full from my trip and ventured outside. As i locked the door, I pulled out my phone and pulled up the number i was looking for.

"Hello?" Octavia answered right away

"Hey, its me" I said "Fancy grabbing a coffee? Starbucks by the office?"

"Sure" Octavia replied "But Clarke, just so you know im with Finn?"

I sighed with uncertainty but it was better to get this over with. I was gonna have to face him at some point.

"Wow" They both voiced "You look great"

"I look exactly the same" I replied pushing my hair over my shoulder "You both just havent seen me for a week".

"Longest week of our lives" Octavia smiled

"Right im going to get a drink, what do you want?" Finn asked

I could just imagine Lexa sitting at the next table, hiding behind her book, shaking her head at me, dying to tell me what a moron i was, and what a loser he was. Just imagining her presence, hearing her voice in my head was enough to make me squirm in my seat. It was almost 24 hours since i'd last seen her and i still had no idea what to do about the situation.

"I have a proposal" Octavia said "the company has gone under".

"Its what?" i didnt think i heard her right.

"Closed down"

"Wait - so the entire agency has just closed down? its gone?"

"Yeah, gone" Finn nodded on his way back with 3 large latte's.

"But what about all the clients? who's going to look after the clients?"

"We are" Octavia said with a self-satisfied smile.

"Huh?"

"Me, you and Finn" Octavia shrieked "Finn's got the finances, I will handle the accounts and you can head up the creative".

I stared at them both, my hands tight around my red hot cup giving in to deep thought. I was being offered the chance to be the creative head of my own agency. To work with my best friends on our own accounts, with our own clients. Professionally it was all i'd ever wanted. Personally it was probably the best i could have hoped for.

"Guys, that sounds amazing, but......" i tailed off slowly not knowing what to say. "But i dont know".

"Clarke, i know things might be weird for a little bit between us" Finn said stumbling over his words "because i know i messed up"

"You slept with Echo" I clarified "Thats not messing up, thats shagging satan".

"Im not talking about that" he said "well, i suppose i am, but when i say messed up, i dont mean with her. I mean with you".

"Hear him out" Octavia encouraged slurping her coffee in the corner

"This past week with out you has been horrible. All i've done is think about how i fucked up, how i hurt you, how i runined everything with one of my best mates and all i wanted to do was give you a hug, but you werent here to make everything right this time, and i realized that i've been letting you make everything right for a long time. No matter what i do or how i cock up, you always just make it better. I have just about got Octavia speaking to me again and i know its gonna take a while for Raven to calm down but im begging for you to consider my apology and i'll do what ever i can making it up to you".

This was too much for someone as tired as i was. And i still didnt really know how i was feeling.

"Your going to make me wait arnt you?" Finn pushed up the sleeves on his jumper

"I've waited years Finn" I sighed "You cant wait until im awake?" I pushed my coffee away and stood up

"He can" Octavia interrupted grabbing my arm to stop me from leaving "But i need to move fast on the clients and most of them just want you. Your the creative genius".

My brain was exploding with too much information "I'll call you later" I promised her "I have some stuff to sort out".

I walked out into the cool summer sunshine. I walked down the road, away from an office that was no longer there, I saw a text from Raven wanting to know if i'd run off to the Caribbean and could she come with me, and a missed call from Agent Nia. Of course she'd heard the news. Drawing up every last ounce of courage, i pressed redial and hoped she didnt have a sniper using my phone as a tracking device after her threat to have me killed or strung up by my tits.


	29. Chapter 29

"Clarke motherfucking Griffin" Agent Nia looked nothing like i had visioned. She stood up as i slunked into her office and gave me a bone-crushing bear hug.

"Are you going to kill me?" I asked my arms pinned to my sides. "Is this like a mafia kiss or something?"

"Are you fucking kidding me? I got your photos and then i got a phone call from Gloss this morning. It took me a minute to put two and two together and come up with something other than forty-fucking-two, but i got there. You were the one in Hawaii taking the pictures."

"Yes" I admitted, as she let me go and sat back down. She pointed at the empty chair opposite her. I checked it very quickly for hidden explosives and took a seat.

"And it was you i spoke to on the phone?"

"Yes"

"Should have known it wasnt the cockmuncher Echo. Never answers her phone - always emails. Nasty bitch that one"

I wasnt going to argue with that, but i still felt bad.

"Nia, am i in trouble?" I asked "Niylah was furious".

"Well thats because you shagged her Missis didnt you? you dirty dog you". She let out a foul hacking laugh and slapped the desk. "She isnt happy with you. But im fucking ecstatic."

"Yay" I whispered

"Those pictures of Thelonius Jaha were amazing" she said "As soon as i saw them i knew Echo hadnt shot them. She hasnt done anything as good as that since i've had her on my books. Even the pictures that made me sign her werent as good as those"

"I keep hearing about these amazing pictures, Do you have them?"

"Yeah, they are in her book, give me a second" Nia lit a cigarette and clamped it between her bright red lips and spun around to a bookcase full of portfolios. "Now you are obviously going to be signing an agency agreement with me before you leave this office, since i've smoothed everything over with Gloss and i've got your first job lined up already".

She handed me a thin light brown pleather book with Echo's name printed on the side.

"Im sorry, im not following?" I said flipping through the pictures. "A Job?"

"Thelonius Jaha, aka your best friend in the entire world wants you do go to Milan and work on his retrospective. He's putting together some sort of exhibition and he's doing a book - the whole shebang. He wants you to do all the pictures, document the entire exercise. It'll be three months atleast. Starting as soon as".

If Jaha's proposal hadnt left me speechless, what i saw in Echo's portfolio would have done the job.

"These are my pictures?" I breathed out without breathing in again.

"Oh yeah, they're the ones" Nia took a drag of her cigarette and then flicked the ash over her shoulder "There are like four of them, she really caught something there, Other than an STD, for a change. Thats why i took her on. I thought she knew how to tell a story, but all i've had off her since is bollocks".

I couldnt speak. The photos were beautiful.

"Intimate" she said. "Honest. A bit like your Jaha pics".

"Thats because i took them" I said "I took them years ago. They must of been on my memory card when she took my camera"

"Fuck. Right. Off" She looked absolutely delighted. "You're serious? You're fucking serious. That sneaky cow".

"I dont know what to say" I breathed "But these are totally mine, i cant believe she would do this. She knew how much i loved photography and she still took the camera, but to steal my pictures, pass them off as hers and make a career out of it? thats something else".

"Yeah, thats even more mental than pretending to be your roommate, nicking off to Hawaii and shagging the journo on the job" she replied, leaning across the desk and snapping her fingers in my face

"Clarke, that is the past. We are are looking at the future. Your future, a massive commision. Say yes to the job. We'll book your flight right now. You get to go and play dressing up with your mate Jaha and even use your own name. How exciting is that?"

"Its so exciting" I said still staring at the photographs in my lap "Um, can i have a day to think about it?"

"WHAT" she didnt sound nearly as understanding as Octavia had. "What is there to think about?"

"Im just really tired and jet-lagged, and i think i need a minute". I slapped the portfolio shut and threw it onto the desk, suddenly disgusted by it. "I think i need some sleep before i make any big decisions."

"Your journo friend is back in New York" Nia said with a casual wink "Heard she didnt take your big reveal that well".

"How do you know she's in New York?" I sat up straight my hair swishing behind my head. "Do you know her?"

"Passing acquaintances". She screwed up her face and clucked. "And she was in on the emails from the magazine. Jaha wants her to work on the retrospective as well".

"Has she said she will?" I could barely sit still at the mere mention of her name. My heart was beating hard. If we were both working with Jaha, she'd have to talk to me.

"She hasnt confirmed yet" She said. "Seemed very keen to know whether or not you'd be there actually. Email her. Tell her your side of the story and see what she says. If nothing else is true, i do know that girl loves a story".

I pulled out my phone and opened a new email. But what was i supposed to say?

"I didnt mean do it now you tit" Nia clapped for my attention. "Go home and cry over your love letter there. You made quite an impression on everyone, you did. Not sure if thats good or bad, but i do know you're a fucking good photographer and i want you on my books".

She slapped her desk hard and cackled "Now fuck off home, get some sleep and call me in the morning to apologize for making me wait an entire fucking day before i book this job".

I stood up again nodding and stumbled towards the door in a complete daze.


	30. Chapter 30

"I have no words" Raven sat cross legged on the settee clutching her ankles, her face a picture of shock "no words".

Stretched out on the hard wood floor of the living room, I gently knocked the back of my head against the floorboards and pressed my feet into the sharp edges of the TV cabinet. "I know"

"Its insane" Octavia said grabbing the remote and turned off the random episode of "The Bold Type" that she had on mute. "I cannot believe she is such a complete an utter psycho".

"I know"

For the last two hours all i'd done was think about what might have been. What if Echo had shown my photos to her agent but admitted they were mine? i could have been a professional photographer for years. I might have left the agency and had a life. I might not have spent so long hung up on Finn that i didnt know how to have a functional relationship with another human being. Everything might have been different. She'd stolen my life.

Which was funny when you thought about it.

But then again, everything might not. I might have said thanks for the offer, but ill stick with my low paying zero regards office tomb, thanks, because thats what my mother wants me to do. There was no way of knowing and as Jaha had said, life was too short for regrets. It was however not too short for swift and violent retribution. If only i knew where she was.

"So what are you going to do?" I could tell Raven was feeding on the drama "What does your gut say?"

"My gut says i need to not eat any more pineapple for about a year" i replied "I dont know. I'm too freaked out right now. I'm having more feelings than i knew one person could have at one time".

"Have some more wine" Octavia implied grabbing the open bottle of white and pouring it into my mug "That'll help".

"It wont help because its half past twelve in the afternoon" I said taking a swig "But i will have some anyway because i really dont know what else to do".

"You do seem very emotional" Raven said with as much sympathy as she could master "Do you think you'll go to Milan?" She poured her own wine, switching the subject right back to where we started. "And are you going to call Lexa? And tell her you love her?"

"I dont know" I needed so much more wine "And i dont love her".

"Yeah, you do" Octavia said, kicking me in the hip. "But i think you probably still love Finn too"

"I dont know" I said again. And again. And again.

"Yeah you do" Raven joined in, this time kicking me in the head. "Im team Lexa. Deffos team Milan".

"And what will you do if i go off to Italy?" i asked fanning my hair out around my head.

"Im coming with you" I want to meet this uber-amazing crazy sex wizard thats finally shagged some sense into you".

"That is the most interesting interpretation of whats gone down over the past week that anyone could come up with". I said, staring up at the ceiling.

"Of course the sensible thing to do would be to start the agency with me and Finn" Octavia explained, as though it was a thought that hadnt crossed my mind a million times in the past hour. "But the amazing thing would be to go to Milan with Lexa".

"What you're forgetting" I pointed out from the floor. "Is Lexa isnt talking to me. So there's not necessarily any Lexa in the equation".

"Close your eyes and tell me what staying here and opening the agency looks like"

"It looks good" I said flexing my toes "It looks familiar. I know the work, i know the clients. It would be fun, owning the business, and maybe i wouldnt get quite as drawn in as before. Maybe i'd be able to keep a better work-life balance".

"Yeah right" Raven scoffed, her disbelief echoing around her own mug of wine. "And what does going to Milan look like?"

"I dont know" I said a small smile in my voice. "I'd be taking photos, living somewhere new, working with Jaha. It could be incredible or it could be awful".

"Pretty sure even awful things are amazing in Italy" Raven said dreamily

"So its head or heart Clarke" Octavia asked "What isit going to be?"

"I need more wine".

We lay in our respective positions, quietly drinking. Photography or advertising? What if i got lucky with the pictures in Hawaii? I might be terrible at the next shoot and then i'd be out of a job again. I needed all the information before i made a decision.

"We need more wine" Raven announced from her perch on the settee "That bottles dead".

"We've only just opened it" I looked over at the empty green glass beside my head in disbelief.

"We are such drunks". Octavia admitted

"We are modern women on the horns of dilemma" Raven corrected "We are culturally conditioned to drink. Its Bridget Jones fault, not ours".

"There should be a bottle of Sauv in the fridge" I called as Octavia hopped over me and vanished into the kitchen.

"And bring the biscuits. Im culturally conditioned to be greedy as well".

"I'll grab them" Raven insisted following Octavia

I flapped my arms out by my side,making an imaginary snow angel, and carried on staring at the ceiling. It didnt have any answers for me.

While the ceiling wasnt great at telling me how to live my life, the front door was spectacular at providing an early warning system. Raven an Octavia were in the kitchen. I was on the floor. There was only one other person it could be.

"What are you doing down there?" Echo stood over me, hands on her hips, her hair falling in a curtain around her face as she stared down at the floor. "Have you had a stroke?"

"No, but i feel like i'm about to" I said not moving. "Where have you been?"

"Ohh, i was at a spa" she sighed, shrugging off a shrunken leather bike jacket i didnt recognise and throwing it on the sofa. "After all that shit i had to deal with last week, i needed a break. No phones, no internet, no TV. It was amazing. Spiritual".

She sat down and pulled out a brand new Iphone from her pocket, sighing dramatically as she scanned her emails. I wondered if she even remembered that she had a BlackBerry in her room.

"Gingernuts or Oreo's?" Raven shouted from the kitchen.

"Oh God, she can piss off home" Echo spat, flicking at the Iphone screen. "I havent just spent three grand learning how to relax to have to deal with that mentalist when i get home".

Even though i knew she could only be seconds away from something on her phone that would give away a hint at my adventures, I just couldnt seem to get off the floor. Instead, I rolled over onto my side, curled into the foetal position and waited for the girls to come back into the living room.

"I went with Oreo's" Raven said holding the packet in her hand, with Octavia following with the open bottle of wine in hers.

"Oh, look you're home. Amazing"

Whatever witchcraft was stopping me from getting up and running for the hills froze Raven and Octavia to the spot in the middle of our living room. Echo looked up from her phone, perplexed.

"Have you three been doing mushrooms or something?" she asked "Im going to bed, Fingers crossed you wont be here when i wake up".

"You stole Clarke's photos" shouted Raven as loud as her lungs would let her and pointing a finger at the accused.

"What?" To her credit, Echo looked completely and utterly flummoxed. "I did what?"

"When Clarke sold you her camera, you said her photos were your photos and thats why you're a photographer and you're really not - you're shit" Octavia punctuated she "shit" by slamming the full bottle of wine down on the tabletop beside her. So hard it ended up smashing causing her to cut open her hand.

And yet I still could not seem to move.

"Huh" Echo crossed her long legs and cocked her head to one side "And how have you worked all this out Sherlocks?"

"Might have sort of borrowed my camera back?" I whispered from the floor.

"Did you now?" she was starting to sound a bit peeved.

"And there's a chance i sort of pretended to be you and went on a shoot to Hawaii for Nia, and then she called me in and i looked at your portfolio and thats how i know".

"OK, im totally not following you now" She blinked twice and put down her phone. "You did what?"

"She went to Hawaii and she took amazing photos and fell in love and you are a complete demon" Raven wailed.

"There's no way" Echo paled "There's no way you did that. You probably havent moved off the floor since i left".

"It doesnt really matter who did what or where i was or whether or not i used your name and stole a job" I felt eerily calm as i explained all of this from my ball on the floor. "What matters is you stole my pictures. You kind of stole my life. I think i'm going to be moving out".

"Im calling Nia" she snapped, grabbing her phone. "You better start packing. You need to find somewhere else to live, like now".

"Oohh, put it on speakerphone" I suggested "I think we'd all like to hear what she's got to say to you".

Echo did not put the call on speakerphone, but it didnt matter. Agent Nia did a fine job of amplifying her own voice. I couldnt quite make out the entire conversation, but it definitely included the words "You're fucking fired" and "you filthy talentless little shitbag". It was a bit like the apprentice only not. Most importantly Echo's face was a picture.

"I get it" She kicked off her heels and pulled her hair back into a ponytail. Uh-oh she was styling for a fight. "This is because I shagged your boyfriend. You're all in on it. Its some weird revenge fantasy that you've cooked up between you".

"As if anyone would go to that much effort for you" I waved a hand in her general direction from the floor.

"Jaha wants Clarke to go to Milan and take pictures for his book and his exhibition because she's amazing" Raven was shouting again.

"And Finn doesnt love you anyway, he loves Clarke". Octavia shouted back from the kitchen bandaging her hand

"Yeah" Raven screamed "Nobody gives a shit about you because you're literally the worst person in the world".

"Oh, thats it" Echo jumped up, leapt over my prone form and gave Raven a good, hard shove. The Oreo's went flying. "Get out of my flat right now, you bunch of psychopaths".

"You're the psycho" Octavia argued still listening in from the kitchen.

"You stole Clarke's photos and passed them off as your own. Thats psycho!" Echo grabbed hold of a handful of Ravens hair and started dragging her towards the door.

It was quite the scene. A barefoot Echo in black leather staggered down our front steps, still with a good handful of Raven's hair. But that wasnt to say Raven was losing the fight. As they hit the street, Raven leapt onto Echo's back.

Finding my feet, I rushed to the top of the steps and slapped a hand over my mouth.

"Im going to kill you" Echo screeched her arms wheeling around wildly

"Good luck" Raven yelled back, clamping what looked like a sleeper hold around Echo's neck.

The pair of them scrambled up and down the street while people whipped out their camera phones and started filming. I didnt know what to do. I knew i should stop it somehow, but where to start? Echo's arms and legs shot out, trying to knock Raven off her back, but Raven was too tiny and quick. She looked like a rabid spider monkey trying to take on a bitchy giraffe.

"Whats going on?"

I was so engrossed in the action, not to mention the group of schoolkids on their lunch who had somehow surrounded the girls and started a very popular "fight, fight, fight" chant, that i didnt even see Niylah coming up the steps.

"Is that Echo?" she asked pointing at the tumble of shreiking limbs that was about to run right into a bus shelter.

"It is" I said, the hand on my mouth moving down to my heart. "Niylah, im so sorry. Please..."

"Let me speak" she held out a thick brown envelope and shook her head. "There is a chance that i overreacted in Hawaii".

"No" I said quickly "I should have told you about Lexa. Or i shouldnt have done what i did".

"You didnt sleep with my fiance" she said looking a little bit embarrassed. "You fell for the irresistible charms of legendary Lexa Woods. She emailed me, told me everything - that she made all the moves, that it was before we'd even met. So yeah, I might have overreacted a little bit".

"I still should have told you" I replied as the fight rolled back past us again. The language on those two "Im really sorry".

"Then we're both sorry. We can agree we both have terrible taste and we can forget all about it. And can you please take this damn envelope" she said waving it at me again before turning to watch the show. "Friend of yours?"

"Thats Raven" I said opening the packet and pulling out several large glossy prints. "They've had a disagreement and Octavia's nursing a bloody hand in my kitchen".

"Well they just went straight to the top of my Christmas card list" Niylah said leaning against the low wall outside our front door and settling in for the show. "Can she take her?"

"Raven could take down an Ox, Echo's been on borrowed time for years. All this" I flapped the photographs in their general direction "Is just the excuse she needed".

"I like her already" she looked back at me. "When she's done, we should all go and get a drink. I took the afternoon off to bring those".

As much as i wanted to watch Raven bash Echo over the head with a randomly acquired bottle of 7UP that i suspected had been supplied by the school children, I couldnt take my eyes off the photos. They really were beautiful.

"They are really good Clarke" Niylah interrupted my quiet moment of wonder.

Before i could reply, a blur of blonde hair and black leather came tearing up the stairs.

"Hi Echo" Niylah said offering her a casual wave. With a black eye and a bloody lip, my roommate paused on the steps, looking confused, angry and more than anything else, terrifed. "How's it going?"

"You're all fucking mental" she spat. She went inside dragged Octavia out by her bloodied bandage and slammed the door snapping all the locks. "Do not even try to get in here. I'll call the police".

"OK" I called back "Let me know when you're out and i'll come and get my stuff".

"We've still got wine in there" Octavia pouted as Raven skipped up the steps entirely unscathed. "Hi, Im Raven".

"Niylah" she offered her hand and shook it heartily as the crowd in the street dispersed, disappointed "Cocktail?"

"Cocktail" Raven agreed

"Probably gonna have to be somewhere that will accept a half dressed mummy though" Octavia said looking down at her arm

"I know just the place" Niylah said pulling out her phone

I kept flipping through the photos. "They're beautiful" Raven and Octavia said taking them from my hands one by one "We're so proud of you".

"Thanks" I said my eyes trained on the Valentino dress. I pulled out my phone and scanned my emails. And there it was. Lexa Woods. I pressed as hard as i could on the screen to open the message before i lost my nerve.

All that was there was a phone number and two words. Call me.

I blinked, checked again and smiled. Still there. I hadnt hallucinated it. She had emailed me.

"This is our car ladies" Niylah pointed at a big black people carrier pulling round the corner "Shall we?"

"Are you sure you dont want to go back inside and sort things out? what if she goes even more mental and burns all your stuff?" They all asked worried

"All my stuff is shit" I said with a shrug "We'll get new stuff"

"Yeah" Raven agreed "And you'll need new stuff for Milan"

"Or for the Agency" Octavia added

I gave them both a smile "whatever i end up doing. I dont need to know everything right now, do i?"

"Ha" The girls laughed both linking their arms through mine. "Who are you and what have you done with our friend?"

"Im Clarke Griffin" I replied giving them both a squeeze "Now how about that drink?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I hope you all enjoyed - sorry for the delay on the last chapter 
> 
> Im not sure if i will be continuing on with the story from here on out as its coming to the end of summer and the next few months are more time consuming, but if i do decide to go on i'll need your patience and opinions on whether to continue this story here or start another story as being Part 2, so let me know you're thoughts and we'll go from there
> 
> Thanks :-)


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

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